Is he thinking about proposing?

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11-03-11, 06:48 AM
Heathy

Is he thinking about proposing?

I figured a guys point of view would help a lot on this. I know this post is long but you don't have to read it all. I made a stopping point where you can still answer my question without reading my rant =)

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years now. We were best friends for 3 years before we got together We've lived together officially (as in shared expenses and only us two) for the past year but have practically lived together the entire time we've been together(I had a roommate and he lived with parents but we always slept in the same place). I'm 20 and he's 21. When we first got together we were both against ever getting married or having kids or anything like that. Since then I've grown up some and my views are changing. About a month ago I posted in another relationship forum asking how or if I should tell my bf that I want to get married in the near future. The only response I got was that I was too young and we aren't on the same page so get it out of my head. The problem is that I think we are on the same page. The too young part I'll get to later...

Here are my reason why I think his views are changing too: 1.) Anytime marriage comes up in a conversation I always say something like "Yeah but we're not gonna get married," his response will be something like: "You'll see." "We will." or "Watch me."
2.) He is planning on us buying a House as soon as our lease is up.
3.) If we see Wedding dresses he'll ask me if I like them or which one I like best.
4.) Watched a guy propose on a show and he asked me if I liked the way he did it.
5.) One time out of the blue, he asked if I ever wondered what type of parents we'd be. And we went on about how we would raise children. (I was happy that we agreed on everything! )

From here you can stop reading. I really want to know from a guys perspective if he might be thinking about proposing. Below is my case if you're concerned about my age.

As for the too young part. If we were to get engaged soon, it'd be at least a year until we could save up for the wedding and then I'd want to wait until September. So that's really like a year in a half. By then I would have just turned 22. Is that too young? If so what is the magic number? Also, yes we are young but we both have decent jobs. I'm a graphic designer. He is a meat cutter, has a side job as a graphic designer and also has websites that he creates and makes money off of by advertisement. We budget all of our spendings and make sure we always have enough money in the bank in case of an emergency. We've lived together for a year and haven't had any issues with the way each other lives. We'll buy a house in a year regardless if we're married or not. He has extremely good credit. And if we needed too, we could easily afford for only one of us to be working. (I'm considering quitting my job and going back to school to be a counselor)

So with all that said. Is my age still just not the right number? And when will it be and why is that number better? Also, do you think he might be on the same page as me. Should I bring it up or let it be a surprise if he proposes. He's always been so good with surprising me. lol Thanks if you've read the entire post =)
11-03-11, 07:06 AM
girl68

22 is still way young.
11-03-11, 07:24 AM
Heathy

Thanks for your reply. I like to see what other people think. My question is why? I get opinions all the time but I never get a why. So I cannot understand. What age is old enough?
11-03-11, 07:59 AM
Mongoose

One of my friends just got engaged, and he's 21. At first I thought woa, that's pretty early. I think it depends on your situation really. It seems like you have a pretty organized, serious, and grown up relationship going at the minute, which is a good start. The whole issue is, at that age, do you know what you're both going to be like in 5+ years time. Will you still want the same things/be the same people? I think it is sometimes considered to be too young as people are still developing and growing at that stage of life, so the future is more uncertain. Having said that, if you yourelves think it will work, and your family supports you, then go for it. Do what makes you happy.
11-03-11, 08:26 AM
Heathy

Thanks for the response, Mongoose. In 5+ years I'm sure I'll be different and more experienced. I'm pretty sure I'll have a different job, different house, slightly different lifestyle due to being old enough to drink (hehe.) I have conversations with my bf all the time about what I want to do with my life. And of course I'm not sure, but the one thing in my life that I am sure of is him. I tell him that every time I get frustrated with my life. I know we might be slightly different 5-10 years from now but we will both still be the same people. It was 5 years ago when I first developed a crush on my now bf. I'm still just as crazy about him =) I just don't see how I could ever settle for less. He is definitely exactly the same as he was in high school. Me, I'm similar, just not as naive and a little less air-headed. As for our families, half of them think we are engaged for some reason and the other half ask why we aren't.
11-03-11, 09:29 PM
Take2

The problem is that each of us who is 30 or older can look back and see how very, very different we are than the people we were at 22. We can see we were more naive than we thought we were, we weren't as ready as we thought we were for lifelong plans, we were children and we thougt we were SOOO mature. But we also remember how it felt to be told those things, and how little impact it had. So we know we are not going to have anything convincing to say to you. One day, you will be shocked at your perceptions of life and of yourself as they were today. But until then, you cannot understand the reasons people say you are too young.

You may not be too young. Your relationship isn't doomed just because you marry young. If you are truly both open to good communication and working through whatever comes your way, you could make it a forever thing. BUT, if yu can't talk openly about what you want your future together to be, that is a really bad sign, IMO.
11-03-11, 09:39 PM
TheBigMan86

I got engaged last July when I had just turnned 24, seemed right to me, however I had been with her for over 6 years!

Now she has left me.... Not saying it had anything to do with the engagement! I dont think its too young, when your ready to commit your ready to commit. That should be the only factor imo... :) and it sounds like he feels the same, however I was dropping hints for about 2 years before I done it!! When he steals your rings to get them measured then you can start getting excited :P
12-03-11, 01:07 AM
HeartIsAching

22 is a bit young, BUT you've been together for 2 1/2 years, living together for a year, and you basically did live together before that if you always slept in the same place. You were very good (best) friends for three years prior to that. You should know each other pretty well by now. Do you fight? Or do you communicate instead? That's key. He's definitely thinking about marriage, but you knew that already, you didn't really need us to answer that for you.

One reason the age issue is an important factor is that at 22, you've both still got a lot of changing and growing to do. Be there for the journey, expect to walk your path beside him, but don't expect him (or you!) to stop moving. You WILL change and grow, but you can do it together. Focus on each other and on who/what you are, not on what you perceive them to be, or want them to be. Unrealistic expectations will kill your relationship more thoroughly than anything else.
12-03-11, 01:46 AM
girl68

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heathy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks for your reply. I like to see what other people think. My question is why? I get opinions all the time but I never get a why. So I cannot understand. What age is old enough?

You don't sound like some young idiot as some do. But I just can't help but feel like *WHY RUSH?* As in if you know so well that this is it, and he's the one for you why do you need to marry NOW, that's the difference between marrying at 22 or marrying at 27?

I just think you change a LOT in the coming years from 19-25 a LOT changes, which isn't to say you're going to break up because of said changes or anything but I guess why marry so early, when you could just enjoy the bf/ gf phase of your life? You'll have the rest of it to be married, why rush into marriage?

Also depending on both of your wedding views... weddings are freggin' expensive, like really, really expensive so if you guys have to pay... ummm well yeah it's expensive.
12-03-11, 02:02 AM
vashti

The divorce rates plummet the closer to 30 you are when you marry.
12-03-11, 02:16 AM
HeartIsAching

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The divorce rates plummet the closer to 30 you are when you marry.

The first time. Divorce rates go up with every subsequent marriage. 1st timers at 30 are successful, 2nd timers not so much, and so on.