Venting thread

Hi guys. I'm not sure if there is any advice anyone could give me to possibly make things better again. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. So.. here goes.

My ex and I dated for 5 years. It seems insane now how in love with this girl I was and still am. Last year, about this time, things were better than they ever were. We'd had alot of ups and downs to this point, but I'd finally gotten over my young and stupid phase of being a freshman/sophomore in college. Like any young couple, there were points when we'd break up and get back together, break up and get back together. Each time we'd find someone else but always come right back to each other.We were happier than we had ever been.

Then she dropped a ball on me. Her best "friend" had confessed his love to her and she had no idea what to do. On one hand, she really loved him as a friend and he had always been great to her. He'd never hurt her before like I had. When she wasn't with me, she was hanging out with him. She said that she loved me more than anything though. She spent that entire summer back and forth from me to him and vice versa. I can always tell when she really cares and is thinking about me alot. And that summer even though she was with him all the time, she made it a point to call me constantly and see me quite a bit. She'd still call me "hun" and "babe"... you know the usual stuff? We never did anything sexual to constitute cheating because she said she really wanted to be with him and loved him and i respected that. Halloween night was the last time I saw her. She was drunk and called me and begged me to come to a party. I gave in and we sat and talked for hours while her "boyfriend" was inside pissed off. She kept telling me how if it wasn't for him, we'd be together and how she wanted to **** me and how she wished we were engaged blah blah blah. Finally, I had to leave and we hugged and kissed and that was it. The next night she told me she couldn't talk to me anymore and how it was wrong what she was doing. I was upset to say the least, but I still understood. He is a great guy and if there was anyone in the world besides me for her to pick, he would be it. And I knew that he loved her just as much as she loved him. I know I should have just left her alone to begin with, but I love her so, so incredibly much, guys, and I can be selfish at times when it comes to things like that.

Now, fast forward another month... I find out that she has told him that she doesn't want anything to do with him anymore either. After a 4 year long friendship, she all of the sudden just kicks him out of her life for no good reason. Fast forward another month and she texts me and says she misses me, wants to be friends, and she can't go without me in her life. She refuses to talk to me on the phone though? She won't answer any calls or hang out with me. She just texts. And doesn't even say anything that means anything. Just 3 to 4 word texts like "how are you?" "good" "hope you have a great day." She used to care, but she doesn't anymore. I don't even know why she bothers... I don't know if she thinks it makes me happy or if shes just trying to hurt me more. She knows I want to be more than friends and always will. I've sent her flowers every month since last July... I've gotten her Christmas gifts, Valentine's, and just random things I hope will make her smile and have them sent to her work. I love this girl so much it physically hurts... She has been the only thing I've cared about having for a year now.

Now shes with another guy. Another guy shes been friends with for years. I would have never thought she'd be with someone like him though. Weird tattoos... college dropout... She sent me a text a couple days ago asking if she could see me over spring break. I just replied "sure" but don't expect to hear from her anymore. Another thing, she has herpes. Got it from some dude when we were broken up a couple years ago. Thats something that isn't even remotely an issue to me though. Her "best friend" and I both accepted her for it. Its like she has been a different person the last 6 months though... I would do anything for her and she knows it, but doesn't seem to care anymore. I even got her my old job last month because she needed it. Through text messages of course. And she told me that I care about her like nobody else does.

I've just never wanted anything more in my entire life. She is on my mind all the time, everyday. Even when I'm thinking about something else. Everywhere I go, I look for something that might make her smile and it makes me so happy when I find it and buy it immediately. I only wish I could see her smile when I give her some of those things, though. I always just leave them for her because I know she doesn't want to see me. I know I'm really pathetic, but she is my whole world whether she gives a damn about me or not... I really think the only way I'd get to see her now is if I was in a life threatening accident.

Sorry this was so long guys. I can't exactly spill my feelings out to my friends. Right now, I'd give anything I have to spend five minutes with her and see her smile. Thanks for listening.

Those feeling you have of desperately wanting to be with her will not stop unless you change your behaviour. You are making yourself worse by doing all these things!
Time for a wake up call. This girl is gone, forever. It's a very hard, bitter pill to swallow but as of right NOW you have to accept it. As soonas you do, healing can begin. You are stopping yourself from moving on by desperately clinging to a hope that isn't actually there.
Hold your head up high, don't allow yourself to be a doormat any more. She uses you for what she needs and has you on a string. You are acting beta male and she knows this.
Gather your pride and decide now to cut all contact with her. No texts, phonecalls, presents etc etc.
It IS hard! But one month from now you will feel so much better than you have in months of all this bullsh1t that has been going on.

We all know how you feel, this is closure right now.

Agreed. How do you expect to get over her when you do everything that screams love? Stop sending her flowers, stop replying to her texts. Kick her out of your life. It's impossible to get over someone when you refuse to let that person go. Once you let go you will in time get over her.