You fell in love with an idea.

Ok, this is not always the case. Really depends.
However, in many cases of bad breakups you have fallen for an idea.
The person you loved suddenly changed and things gotten bad and you've broken up. Now you feel all hurt losing such a once great love.

Don't feel hurt over it. Instead, consider that it's more than likely that the relationship has been a lie. You fell in love with the idea you had of that person, he/she might have reinforced that idea by acting as a person they aren't really. Otherwise you might have been blind to the truth of that person all along.
Both come down to them not being what you thought it was.

So, this love you lost, was never your love at all. You didn't fell in love with that person, you didn't love that person. You fell for an idea, similar to a celeb crush. You needed the attention or liked the appearance of that person and fabricated the rest around it.

Once you realize that as the truth, it will be much much easier to get over your ex and move on.

Me thinks someone is projecting :)

I wish in my case it were true!

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Originally Posted by Horseyguy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Me thinks someone is projecting :)

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Not projecting, I know this to be the case in one of my relationships. And I know that once I figured this out it was a lot easier to get over her. And I also know that telling this to some people has really helped them out in coping.

In my case it is true guys... I soon realised that I missed the thought of being with him (when we were not together for a couple of months because of commitments elsewhere, I dreamed about how it would be when we'd be together again) And I missed the moments we had a month before that, it was absolutely bliss. But the actual being together again, 24/7, was a nightmare.
And it makes it easier to take distance from him, but the hurt, the disappointment is still there. My expectations were high....

I admit, I missed the idea of being with him, in reality it was terrible.

For the last two relationships in a row, I fell in love with a woman's potential, not who she really was. I'm not normally an optimist, but in both cases, these were intelligent women who kept making bad choices that made everything worse. It was frustrating, but I finally moved on.

Except if the case is true for me, I would've been making the wrong judgment for 2+ years and that's equally shitty in terms of self-appraisal.

you are so so so so so right

i understand this to a degree i loved the feeling of being wanted and looked forward to everytime i saw her but when i did see her she was just a bitch and in a way i was wearing rose tinted glasses

It's interesting how many other threads in this Broken Hearts section start out talking about perfect, awesome or amazing relationships that mysteriously ended. Yeah, sometimes we fall in love with an idea.

i think the OP's statement is absolute bollocks.
so i've not lost someone i loved, rather wasted a couple years of my life living a lie? pleeeease! jesus H!

dont you think perhaps people fall in love for what they are at the time, however people change and it just so happens that unfortunately some people dont change at the same rate / in the same direction. i didn't fall in love with the idea of my GF, i fell in love with her at the time. Life however is constantly changing and eventually for whatever reasons unknown she (or perhaps we) changed.

...thats a far better way to look at it rather than just believe i fell in love with the 'idea' of her. thats just dumb

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Originally Posted by eonbar [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i think the OP's statement is absolute bollocks.
so i've not lost someone i loved, rather wasted a couple years of my life living a lie? pleeeease! jesus H!

dont you think perhaps people fall in love for what they are at the time, however people change and it just so happens that unfortunately some people dont change at the same rate / in the same direction. i didn't fall in love with the idea of my GF, i fell in love with her at the time. Life however is constantly changing and eventually for whatever reasons unknown she (or perhaps we) changed.

...thats a far better way to look at it rather than just believe i fell in love with the 'idea' of her. thats just dumb

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I guess you just skimmed right past the first few sentences of the original post. Good job!

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Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I guess you just skimmed right past the first few sentences of the original post. Good job!

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yeh, i can read; "Ok, this is not always the case. Really depends. However, in many cases of bad breakups you have fallen for an idea."

still seems wrong. should read "Ok, this is hardly ever the case, however in a couple of instances of bad breakups you have fallen for an idea"

allowed to have my own opinion maybe? cheers.

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Originally Posted by eonbar [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

yeh, i can read; "Ok, this is not always the case. Really depends. However, in many cases of bad breakups you have fallen for an idea."

still seems wrong. should read "Ok, this is hardly ever the case, however in a couple of instances of bad breakups you have fallen for an idea"

allowed to have my own opinion maybe? cheers.

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It's illegal to have your own opinion in my thread!

Of course you are, but I'm willing to bet that in many cases my scenario holds true. Obviously it's not something we can just look up in the statistics, nor do I care. I have posted this for other people to potentially recognize themselves in this scenario, and with these words can move on more easily.