Tips on initiating intimacy

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29-03-11, 09:12 AM
xpheonixx

Tips on initiating intimacy

K, here's my problem. Ever since my husband and I had our first son, the number of times we've had sex has gone from everyday to about maybe once every few days to a week or so. And when our two sons are with their grandma's, we don't do anything because I wait for him to start it.

Last night, we decided to drink a few beers at my mom's house and she became like our therapist in a sense cause she's not afraid to find out reasoning behind things. Well, it got out into the open that my husband really likes for the woman to start off things like that...which is understandable.

My big problem is....I FEEL AWKWARD TRYING TO ACT SEXY.

Does anyone know of anything I can try to get myself to loosen up enough to not overanalyze myself and end up embarrassed? I just feel like I don't have enough eloquence to pull off sexy stuff. I know what my husband wants now, i just don't know how to get over these issues that I have with myself and my body.
29-03-11, 09:22 AM
bloodtippedrose

He's your husband! you shouldnt feel embarrassed around him at all. Initiating sex doesnt have to be all soft music and a sexy teddy.

Try this: Cuddle on the couch when you're watching TV then start rubbing his dick outside his pants while still paying attention to the TV. Slip into his pants and slowly start jerking him off.
Or: Cuddle up to him and start kissing his neck. Then move to deeply frenching him. That always get's my bf rock hard.

Im lucky. My bf has a sock fetish. So all I have to do is have dirty white socks on and put my feet in the air until he's coaxed over. If your husband has a fetish its time to find and play off it.
29-03-11, 09:32 AM
Take2

Ask him. Say "look, I think you are sexy and I want us to have sex. I get that you want me to initiate, and I am on board with that. But you need to help me, because I am anxious about initiating. What is a surefire way to initiate with you? What turns you on more than anything?" It may be a phrase or a particular kind of caress or a scenario or whatever. But if you KNOW it will work, that should help you feel more confident.

However, if he wants you to initiate and you want him to...then shouldn't you guys be talking about taking turns or something? Not really cool that you have to bend to his desires or else sex just won't happen!
29-03-11, 09:53 AM
xpheonixx

Quote:

Originally Posted by bloodtippedrose [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He's your husband! you shouldnt feel embarrassed around him at all. Initiating sex doesnt have to be all soft music and a sexy teddy.

Try this: Cuddle on the couch when you're watching TV then start rubbing his dick outside his pants while still paying attention to the TV. Slip into his pants and slowly start jerking him off.
Or: Cuddle up to him and start kissing his neck. Then move to deeply frenching him. That always get's my bf rock hard.

Im lucky. My bf has a sock fetish. So all I have to do is have dirty white socks on and put my feet in the air until he's coaxed over. If your husband has a fetish its time to find and play off it.

I'll definately try that. I know it doesn't have to be all lovey dovey. I think it's just that I have a lot of issues with my body cause even though I went down to my original weight of 120, I still feel weird about my body after having two kids. My youngest son is 2 months old.
29-03-11, 10:04 AM
xpheonixx

Quote:

Originally Posted by Take2 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ask him. Say "look, I think you are sexy and I want us to have sex. I get that you want me to initiate, and I am on board with that. But you need to help me, because I am anxious about initiating. What is a surefire way to initiate with you? What turns you on more than anything?" It may be a phrase or a particular kind of caress or a scenario or whatever. But if you KNOW it will work, that should help you feel more confident.

However, if he wants you to initiate and you want him to...then shouldn't you guys be talking about taking turns or something? Not really cool that you have to bend to his desires or else sex just won't happen!

I know most of what turns him on cause we talked about that a long time ago, it's just my whole deal with me feeling awkward. I know I don't have to impress him as much as before we were married...but I always try to...and I think that's my downfall. I'm afraid of getting embarrassed because I wanna be that "super irresistable wife who knows how to do it just right".

And he usually doesn't have a problem with initiating it...but I know he probably wants it more than he lets on because both of us are very sexual people.