Have been in Love with close friend for 3 years - should I tell her?
Ok, this might take a while, but I'm desperate for objective advice. To anyone who takes the time to read and respond - thanks in advance.
I'm male, 31 years old, and over the past 3 years I have fallen in Love with my flatmate and close friend (female 28), I'm a typical Leo, she's a typical Aries.
Here are the details -
When I met her she was the girlfriend of my friend at the time, I thought she was attractive and funny but I didn't see her as anything other than my friend's g/f, and in turn, my friend. About 4 years ago I moved into a shared house with them both and immediately could see that their relationship wasn't great - they slept in separate rooms, didn't ever display affection etc. I sometimes noticed a sort of 'admiration' from her toward me, nothing heavy, perhaps just as though she looked up to me a little. And I could feel a weird connection with her, a purely friendly one, but a strong one.
Their relationship ended about 3 1/2 years ago, and her b/f moved out and immediately hooked up with someone else. Me and her began to spend more time together, we're both musicians so we would often play together, or go to gigs together, stuff like that. I could feel a connection growing between us and I started to fall for her, but I'm quite reserved, and she was the recent ex of a close friend so I didn't do anything about it. She became more flirty with me at this time (she isn't naturally flirtacious, at all), touching my hands a lot, stroking my leg etc, and I could just feel, somehow, a strange electricity between us, but also a strange pulling apart, as though we were both conscious that she was my friend's ex g/f or something.
Anyway, I just got on with my life, still seeing her every day around the house and trying to get my head around what I was feeling.
After about 6 months she began dating an old friend of her's, a very nice person and I was happy for her. I decided to just try and forget about the feelings and continuous, strange electricity/tension between us. I saw a lot less of her socially, and eventually started dating a great girl who ended up moving in with us.
During the time this g/f of mine was living with us, I still couldn't helping about my flatmate ALL THE TIME. I loved my g/f a great deal, but it was just always hanging over me - she wasn't her. And I felt so guilty about that.
Last May my g/f and I broke up on great terms, and she is now my very best friend. Meanwhile my flatmate continued to date her b/f, though often expressed her discontentment at the relationship to me when we were alone.
We started to hang out more again when I became single and this feeling, this bizarre electricity was there, still there, as always. Over the last year we have spent a fair amount of time together, and she has become more and more touchy feely with me, she flirts with me (quite badly, bless her) and then withdraws. She compliments me and then complains about her b/f. She tells me that their relationship is barely physical. She says that she wants children one day, but that she doesn't think her b/f is mature enough to do that - and then tells me that I'd be an amazing father. This type of thing.
We go out together a few times a week, and I utterly adore her, in a different way than any other girl I've ever fallen for. She's so beautiful, and creative and funny and I think about her all the time.
Anyway...a month ago we found out that we have to move from our house, and she came to me and asked me if I'd like to get a flat with her - just the two of us. I said yes. But since then I have started to question how long can this go on? I love living with her so much...but I'm totally in Love with her!
Her relationship is stale, I know that. I don't want to, and wouldn't cheat with her on her b/f, he's a nice guy and I wouldn't want to hurt him. But I can't deny that I want to be with her, and I have done for 3 years.
I've started to feel this urge growing to just tell her that I'm in Love with her. I don't expect her to fall into my arms, she's very guarded and I think she'll probably be very shocked. We share a lot of friends, we're both musicians, and potentially I could end up looking silly/a bit mad, but I really don't care about that.
I want to do the right thing, and I can't figure out which of these two options is right -
1. Don't tell her. Keep the friendship. Move in with her. When she's single again tell her.
2. Arrange to meet her for a drink or a walk or something. Tell her quite flatly that I have been in Love with her for a long time, and that it would be wrong to continue living with her given this.
Please give your advice as to which of these two choices you think is the right way. Whichever answer is more dominant, I'm going with, no matter how scary. I'm just at the point with this where I can't stand it anymore. 3 years is a long time, and this isn't just a crush.
Thank you so much for reading.
