Friends with rare benefits
We are both the same age, in fact, we share the same birthdate and birth-city. We met several years ago, and began to date at the same time, just after her divorce. She has two children, both teens, both living with her. I did my best to not come on too strong, but she felt it anyway, and I came close to scaring her off, but went to being just friends after 6 months, which we have been the entire time since, with occasional romantic overtures form me, which she always rebuffs. Ocasionally, but rarely though, she has been very receptive to sexual advances from me. Basically, I'll throw my normal inuendo at her, which she usually laughs at, but she does not laugh, and it goes from there...
We are both very similar in nature, quiet, staid, and a bit shy, but very open and even silly once we get to know someone. We are both in the same ballpark, looks-wise. We have been very open with each other, and have told each other many private things. Basically, we can completely allow our "shields" to drop in each other's presence. I graduated from college just before I met her and have lived 150 miles away ever since. My job makes it so I normally only see her once or twice a month, but have seen her every weekend for the past month.
We began this month of seeing each other with a sexual fling, at which time she seemed to have romantic feelings, but then, by the next week, went back to being just friends. I had told her, over the week after the fling, that I still had strong feelings for her and could see her in my future.
She has a “steady male friend” who treats her as a weekday only friend, and does not call her and often will not return her calls on the weekend. Of course, she is as infatuated with him as I am with her.
I asked about the fling we had, asking if it was just physical, and she said, Yes and no.” I told her that I felt that there was something new in her actions, and she said, “I don’t know but, that would make sense,” and then said, “I do try to feel, for you, the same way you feel for me.” She has said on many occasions that she wishes she could feel romantic toward me.
I bought a book called "Love Tactics, which made me realize that I've been a fool and probably would have been married to her years ago if I had followed the guidelines in the book. I think it's obvious that she likes me more than she knows, but since I've smothered her each time she expresses the slightest interest beyond friendship, and shower her with affection and tokens of that affection, with no commitment, there is little incentive for her to act on her interest.
My original plan was to use the tactics from the book to, slowly, but surely, work back up to another show of affection from her, and then play it cool until I get the fire really going. The book, basically, calls for becoming the very best friend you can be, while playing it cool and treating them strictly as friends, and acting like you could care less if you win or lose them, until they develop an unbreakable bond to you without knowing it. The process can be a long one, but it looks like, if you stick to it, it would work. I highly recommend the book, as it would have saved me much pain over the past 2 decades...
I also discovered Ross Jeffries, "Speed Seduction" and am considering using that on her to speed up the process. Worst case would be, "Are you trying to seduce me?" "Yup." "Well it's not working." and going back to slow and steady. Yes, we are that close, I've already tried hamfisted attempts of that sort, over the years, and it always rolls off her back. I wonder if using such a tactic, even if sucessful in the short term, might "Sow the seeds of destruction," though.
Comments welcome.
