Advice on getting my ex back...

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08-04-11, 06:28 AM
Woodrow

Advice on getting my ex back...

So... I am 23 and have a daughter who is 2. In November of last year, I started dating this 20 year old girl that I went to high school with. Her daughter is 1. She is going through a divorce, and I began by helping her through it and being an overall friend. We kept texting and just hit it off.

She was seeing this other guy from out high school who is my age, but it was a school-girl crush (I think it was just for memories). She stopped seeing him and went with me until Feb. 15 of this year. Around the middle of Jan, she started becoming distant. It was around the time she first talked to her lawyer about the divorce. Over the next month, she made it clear that she didn't want a relationship right now, but she started talking to that other guy again. After he realized what was going on, he stopped talking to her completely, though.

Now, she and I are friends, but I am still in love with her. We had a wonderful thing together. We like much of the same things, have similar interests, beliefs, etc., and I'm great with her daughter. I've been extremely good to her (I change her oil, helped her move twice, give her massages almost everyday, bought her a PS3, and I even paid the $2000 for her divorce), but she says she doesn't want anything more than a friendship with me. There are times when she kinda flirts, but they are getting further apart and less frequent. She told me that she is 97% sure we won't ever be a couple again, but it's hard to imagine something that genuine died so quickly. She says it's because the "newness" of the relationship has almost completely wore off, and now there's nothing there for her.

I just want her to be happy, but I want to be the one to make her happy. We still see each other almost everyday, and I help with her daughter a lot. I'm trying to help her, but sometimes she says I'm clingy. Could it be the stress of the divorce getting to her? I really want her back, because we have a lot of chemistry together, but I don't know how. I can't really do the "no contact" thing because we're friends and all. Plus, she lives right down the road from me. Please help... I don't know what to do, so I really need some advice on this. I don't want to lose this girl who seems so perfect for me.
08-04-11, 06:42 AM
IncognitoSir

Quote:

Originally Posted by Woodrow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So... I am 23 and have a daughter who is 2. In November of last year, I started dating this 20 year old girl that I went to high school with. Her daughter is 1. She is going through a divorce, and I began by helping her through it and being an overall friend. We kept texting and just hit it off.

She was seeing this other guy from out high school who is my age, but it was a school-girl crush (I think it was just for memories). She stopped seeing him and went with me until Feb. 15 of this year. Around the middle of Jan, she started becoming distant. It was around the time she first talked to her lawyer about the divorce. Over the next month, she made it clear that she didn't want a relationship right now, but she started talking to that other guy again. After he realized what was going on, he stopped talking to her completely, though.

Now, she and I are friends, but I am still in love with her. We had a wonderful thing together. We like much of the same things, have similar interests, beliefs, etc., and I'm great with her daughter. I've been extremely good to her (I change her oil, helped her move twice, give her massages almost everyday, bought her a PS3, and I even paid the $2000 for her divorce), but she says she doesn't want anything more than a friendship with me. There are times when she kinda flirts, but they are getting further apart and less frequent. She told me that she is 97% sure we won't ever be a couple again, but it's hard to imagine something that genuine died so quickly. She says it's because the "newness" of the relationship has almost completely wore off, and now there's nothing there for her.

I just want her to be happy, but I want to be the one to make her happy. We still see each other almost everyday, and I help with her daughter a lot. I'm trying to help her, but sometimes she says I'm clingy. Could it be the stress of the divorce getting to her? I really want her back, because we have a lot of chemistry together, but I don't know how. I can't really do the "no contact" thing because we're friends and all. Plus, she lives right down the road from me. Please help... I don't know what to do, so I really need some advice on this. I don't want to lose this girl who seems so perfect for me.

97% sure you'll never get back together. That tells me she doesn't mind stringing you along. Why would she string you along? Because you do all this stuff for her.......for nothing. She's using your assistance but will NEVER give you what you want or need from her. Also what she said about the "newness" of the relationship........WTF is that. Nothing is new forever! She's literally a CHILD, 20 years old and getting a divorce. You need to put all this together man. Finally, she is coming out of a divorce. Often people don't date for up to a year after coming out of a regular relationship let alone a marriage. You need to stop doing stuff for her, and give her plenty of space and time to grow up. She's all over the place, probably has NO CLUE OF WHAT SHE WANTS.
08-04-11, 06:49 AM
Woodrow

We seriously have a lot in common, though. I'm thinking all of this childish stuff could be because of the divorce. She's actually told me she doesn't really know what she wants right now... Thanks for the advice.
08-04-11, 09:34 AM
Bonfire

Quote:

Originally Posted by Woodrow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Now, she and I are friends, but I am still in love with her. We had a wonderful thing together. We like much of the same things, have similar interests, beliefs, etc., and I'm great with her daughter. I've been extremely good to her (I change her oil, helped her move twice, give her massages almost everyday, bought her a PS3, and I even paid the $2000 for her divorce), but she says she doesn't want anything more than a friendship with me. There are times when she kinda flirts, but they are getting further apart and less frequent. She told me that she is 97% sure we won't ever be a couple again, but it's hard to imagine something that genuine died so quickly. She says it's because the "newness" of the relationship has almost completely wore off, and now there's nothing there for her.

That paragraph there is so sad. I mean, she basically told you the truth she only see you as a friend. She gave it a chance but realize there is nothing there. However, you can't accept it and made excuse thinking it might be because of her divorce she is acting this way. Worst, you kept showering her with gifts, doing her favors, and paying large sum of money for her divorce. That is the pathetic part of this. You can't even wake up and see she did not have feelings for you, nothing died, there was nothing to begin with. So don't waste any more time trying to convince her to come back to you. She's not interested. You'll only wasting time and money if you persist. You're just her friend so treat her like it and just move on. You deserve someone who would return your love.
09-04-11, 03:02 AM
devonbrown

You were a rebound.

You may be friends, but you are not as close of friends as you think.
She keeps you around because you do things for her, buy her things, etc. all in a misguided effort to buy her love. And she knows this and is using it to her advantage.

Think about the times that she calls you clingy. What is different about those times? My guess would be they are times that either A) she isn't getting any gifts from you, or B) she starts to develop interest in someone else and doesn't want them to be upset about you giving her all this stuff.

Best case scenario, she is not doing this purposely. She might just not know any better and enjoys the attention and STUFF you provide her.
Worst case scenario, she is playing you and will continue to play you.

If you like being her friend, be her friend. But that doesn't mean buying her things, paying for her divorce, giving her massages, etc. Treat her like a male buddy and that's all. I am guessing if you do that, you will start to see her flirt with you a little more and that 97% certainty from her will drop to 96% or 95% or just enough to keep you on the hook.

Have some pride for what you bring to the table and don't let anyone walk on you like this.

Good luck.