A girl may like my boyfriend... what should I do?
Hi, I'm new here! I just joined because I'm having some issues and I don't have many friends I can talk to about it... so it's hard for me to get advice on these sorts of things.
My boyfriend is currently going to a university in another state. We have plans to move in together either at the end of this year or at the beginning of next. Basically, most of his friends are going to another university so he doesn't see them that often. There's this one girl who goes to his university, he's been friends with her for longer than we've been dating. So naturally, I wasn't expecting him to just drop her as a friend or anything. I didn't mind him having lunch with her every now and then because it's a university campus so it's not anything formal.
The first thing that made me kind of uneasy about her was this... there was one time I was on the phone with my boyfriend and she called him panicking because she had lost something. My boyfriend connected the calls so we could all talk. It was the first time I had ever spoken to her, and at this point I wasn't suspicious of her or anything. I said hi to her two times, the first time she didn't respond so I thought she hadn't heard me so I said hi again, more clearly. She was just quiet for a second, then started talking about something else. After she got off the phone, I immediately brought it up to my boyfriend. He assured me that she wouldn't do something rude like that, that she was probably just too busy worrying about the thing she lost to hear me. After I pointed out how I had repeated myself, he said it may have just been because she was shy around new people. Seemed kind of weird to me that someone would be so shy that they couldn't even say hello. To be honest, I still don't think she's ever said anything directly to me.
Lately she's been asking him to go to dinner or lunch with her more and more. It's been getting to the point where it's almost every day, and it's starting to make me really uncomfortable. I brought this up with my boyfriend, and he's been pretty understanding. As a matter of fact, it's starting to make him uneasy too. The other day, he found out she was having issues with her boyfriend. Basically, she's very needy and always wants to be around her boyfriend, but he lives kinda far away so she can't see him every day and she's been complaining a lot. It seemed like the second she started having trouble with her bf, she started hanging around mine much more. And she somehow "hurt her foot" (from what I hear, she was walking around just fine) so she asked my boyfriend to do her laundry for her.
I had a talk with my boyfriend earlier about all this. I pretty much told him how I felt about it and how uncomfortable it's making me, because it seems to me like she's trying to weasel her way in. I tried to put it in perspective for him, because I don't think he was really seeing it from my point of view. I asked him how he would feel if I met up with one of my guy friends, and started hanging out with them all the time and going to dinner with them every day. He said he wouldn't feel comfortable with that, and he understands why I feel the way I do about this situation. But then he said "Well I don't really have anyone else to hang out with." I told him I'm not going to force him not to hang out with her, he can do what he wants, but I reminded him that it makes me feel very uncomfortable. After that he seemed to be kind of upset and got off the phone shortly after.
It seems to me like that girl is starting to think she's his top priority because she's physically there and I'm in another state. I get sick of people looking down on our relationship because it's long distance. She's really needy so she seems to think that anyone in a long distance relationship HAS to be miserable (just because she is, doesn't mean everyone else is). Since my bf seems like he still really wants to hang out with her, I suggested that every now and then he turn down her request to go to dinner and say he's talking to me about something important or something like that. Just so she knows she's not the top priority.
I really don't know what to do. My boyfriend is completely trustworthy and I don't want to seem like I'm forcing him to choose between his friends and me. But at the same time I feel like that girl is being very disrespectful and my boyfriend is just letting it happen. I don't think he means to let it happen, but he's such a nice guy that he sometimes waits too long to tell people off.
