Why Won't He Let Me End it??

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10-04-11, 04:13 AM
vertical_sky

Why Won't He Let Me End it??

I've been seeing this guy for about six months. Originally, he was going to England sometime in February, so we had decided to just have an enjoyable time together til he left. Well, the England trip keeps getting put off and put off so we don't have the automatic breakup thing we were planning on.

That hadn't really been a problem up until about two weeks ago. Three weeks ago he went on a business trip to France. Before then, we'd been seeing each other twice a week, talking every day, being generally couple-y. When he got back, however, it's like I ceased to exist. I didn't hear from him for days. When I finally called him, he was drunk out of his mind and depressed, because he's found out earlier that day his ex-gf was engaged (they dated for four years, she cheated on him, they broke up two years ago.) In this conversation, he said I'd been awesome, but he didn't feel "emotionally connected" to me, that he had this wall up because of his ex, etc.

Well I felt it was wrong to dump him while drunk, so I suggested we have dinner the next day, so we could end everything on a good note. He showed up to my apartment the next day, and was SUPER affectionate. He said he'd had a dream that he'd spent all day analyzing, and realized he'd been idealizing his ex, she really wasn't worth it (she doesn't have a job and is declaring bankruptcy), etc. I mean, he was SO happy and said he felt like a weight had been lifted off him.

So, I tried bringing up what was going on with us, but he just avoided the topic and talked about how things had changed inside his head. I decided to just accept what he said. But then I didn't hear from him again for days... Though he posted TONS of status updates to Facebook, the random stuff he used to text me. I saw him again on Sunday, and again he was affectionate and happy.... but then no contact for days again unless we both happened to be online.

I went drinking with some friends earlier this week, and I made the mistake of drunk-dialing him. I told him how I was feeling used, and that I didn't want to push him into a committed relationship, but I wanted what we'd had before France. He said he felt really sorry and he'd try harder.

Well, he did text me the next day (Wednesday) but despite me responding, I haven't heard from him since.

My big question is.... why doesn't he just end it?? Or, better yet, why does he keep avoiding the topic when I try to end it? I know guys can be cowards about confrontations sometime, but then why doesn't he just sit there and let me do it?? I've now tried three times, and each time, he slithers out of it. I really, really don't want to do email, as I think that's an immature way to end it with someone after 6 months..... I'm just angry cause I wanted to end this on a mature, somewhat happy fashion. Why is he being such a freaking coward about this?!!
10-04-11, 04:52 AM
Bonfire

Quote:

Originally Posted by vertical_sky [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

My big question is.... why doesn't he just end it?? Or, better yet, why does he keep avoiding the topic when I try to end it? I know guys can be cowards about confrontations sometime, but then why doesn't he just sit there and let me do it?? I've now tried three times, and each time, he slithers out of it. I really, really don't want to do email, as I think that's an immature way to end it with someone after 6 months..... I'm just angry cause I wanted to end this on a mature, somewhat happy fashion. Why is he being such a freaking coward about this?!!

Ending it in person is nice but it shouldn't be a requirement for you. If you want to end it, and he is avoiding you, then you should end it with a phone call. I don't think it's immature if you did that way. You tried your best for this relationship but the guy kept stringing you along. I personally don't see anything immature about ending it with an email either. Sometime it is necessary esp if the person is not reachable. Or if the person is abusive and you don't want to see them when you end it. So how you end it doesn't determine your maturity, it's how you behave throughout the relationship that does. And so far he hasn't been very mature about this relationship the way you have been.
10-04-11, 05:00 AM
vertical_sky

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bonfire [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ending it in person is nice but it shouldn't be a requirement for you. If you want to end it, and he is avoiding you, then you should end it with a phone call.

I agree, even over a phone call would be nice. Actually, it'd kind of be my preferred way, but even over the phone, if I bring it up he kind of changes the subject or gets all awkward and then make excuses (he's busy with work, he's still confused over his ex, etc.)

*Shakes head* It just sucks. I was really hoping this relationship would end on a good, positive note, and I could look back on it as a fond non-serious-but-fun-and-fulfilling experiment. Now it's just becoming more of a he's-stringing-me-along-and-I'm-a-sucker situation.
10-04-11, 05:23 AM
Sonrisa

why do you care how it ends? in my eyes it has ended but you keep bringing him back against his will
10-04-11, 05:36 AM
vertical_sky

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sonrisa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

why do you care how it ends? in my eyes it has ended but you keep bringing him back against his will

Eh, cause I guess I like to be clear and have a resolute ending. It's happened before that I just assumed things between us were done from a guy's actions without having a firm conversation about it, and the guy (and several of his friends) spread it around that I was a bitch. I've talked about the situation with a few of my guy friends, and they all say I don't have enough "evidence" to whole sale drop the guy, and that if I don't talk to him about it, I'm the one at fault for destroying a relationship by being immature/assuming stuff.
10-04-11, 05:40 AM
Sonrisa

really? but really? how about being mature and actually admit that actions DO speak louder than words?
it seems that you are refusing to let go and he already did.
10-04-11, 05:48 AM
Bonfire

Vertical_sky, the way you are trying to wait for the that perfect ending to this relationship is a bit immature. It's like a girl who wants that fairly ending but not willing to accept another alternative. An adult would not care how it ends, they will only care where they are headed. It's time to put this past you, time to move on with your life...
10-04-11, 07:20 AM
vertical_sky

Like I said, I'm just trying to end it in a way that I don't get blamed for being a bitch/immature/at fault. All of my romantic encounters have ended with me being turned into the villain, so I'm trying to find a way to avoid that.
10-04-11, 07:35 AM
Bonfire

Quote:

Originally Posted by vertical_sky [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Like I said, I'm just trying to end it in a way that I don't get blamed for being a bitch/immature/at fault. All of my romantic encounters have ended with me being turned into the villain, so I'm trying to find a way to avoid that.

I personally wouldn't care what people think. We are not in high school anymore. So if he keeps avoiding the "talk to end it", you will continue to pursue it? Even if he goes off and marries someone, you still try and ask him to break up with you? lol just teasing you now... ok do as you wish.
10-04-11, 07:41 AM
vertical_sky

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bonfire [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I personally wouldn't care what people think. We are not in high school anymore. So if he keeps avoiding the "talk to end it", you will continue to pursue it? Even if he goes off and marries someone, you still try and ask him to break up with you? lol just teasing you now... ok do as you wish.

Nah, I've pretty much just going "Fine, whatever" at this point... I mostly came on here wondering why he just wouldn't man up and either end it or let me do it.
10-04-11, 07:57 AM
Bonfire

Quote:

Originally Posted by vertical_sky [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I mostly came on here wondering why he just wouldn't man up and either end it or let me do it.

That's the definition of stringing you along.. he doesn't want it to end and he doesn't want to commit.. and since you are willing to stick around if he avoids the breakup, he can do as he please..

It takes two people to make a relationship work, it only takes one to end it.
10-04-11, 01:38 PM
MerryH

Quote:

Originally Posted by vertical_sky [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Like I said, I'm just trying to end it in a way that I don't get blamed for being a bitch/immature/at fault. All of my romantic encounters have ended with me being turned into the villain, so I'm trying to find a way to avoid that.

To be completely honest, based on this and other threads you've posted, your friends sound like Grade A assholes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by vertical_sky [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

they all say I don't have enough "evidence" to whole sale drop the guy, and that if I don't talk to him about it, I'm the one at fault for destroying a relationship by being immature/assuming stuff.

Really? This? This is their advice to you as your friend? A guy is obviously stringing you along and being kind of crappy to you and they tell you to stick with him? Would you give this same advice to any of your friends?

You don't need to justify yourself to anyone. You don't need concrete "evidence" to break up with someone. Ever. If they give you shit, either politely or rudely tell them to stay out of it. And probably stop asking them for advice. Not only do they seem to give terrible advice, but you're allowing them to know too much about your personal stuff which just lets them feel like it's their place to tell you how wrong/bitchy/unattractive/immature you are. At least stop letting them have such an influence what you do/think.

Quote:

I mostly came on here wondering why he just wouldn't man up and either end it or let me do it.

Because it's easier/beneficial to him to just let keep it going. You don't need his permission to end it, or whatever you're trying to accomplish. Just tell him it's over and stop talking to him. That's not going to make you a bitch.