A rant, confusion...

More of a rant than anything and please tell me how stupid I am to. I met a married woman 14 years older than me about a year in a half ago. She remained a mystery to me for several months as to what her intentions really were but I knew she was married first day we spoke. We met playing poker over the internet and we spent a lot of time together and eventually I grew some attachment to her. Those few months were much of a mystery who she really was. It wasn't clear until almost a year in a half later who she really was even though I suspected these things I remained patient and not pry into her life. I understood why she kept most of her identity a secret. She's beyond wealthy but never flaunts it out in the open. I have my own financial stability but she isnt aware of my networth I keep a pretty low mediocre life but I will never make it to her level even if I hit the largest jackpot in history. Now here is a woman who you would think has everything who wanted to spend whatever time she could with me and it just baffled me to no end. We would get into sometimes, arguments and what not which isnt abnormal when you spend to much time with someone but during those times I felt I was replaced by someone else. Sure enough she later admitted that someone else took the limelight but never got as close as I did. As months passed I grew tired of the detachment that would happen off and on because I was trying to control the situation, she didn't want her husband to find out to much yet she would push it sometimes. I cut her off a couple times and said that I couldn't deal with it anymore because her lying became a little more predictable as time passed. We were to meet and it was a month before this I had enough of the up and down and just wrote her out of the picture so she had no way to contact me, but I forgot about blocking my email.

She made contact with me via email and wanted to know why, and if this what I really wanted. Little impressed by this because she isn't very bright at all as she has never had to work a day in her life lol I told her no but the intensity of our relationship needed to be toned down.. if you're never leaving your husband then tone it down some. I love spending time with you but this isn't going anywhere either just tone it down some. Agreed on this we met finally spent two days together had a wonderful time although the night time didn't exactly go as planned. Nothing went bad it just didnt set well with her and I felt awkward as it was anyways. Things were good for a while then she started to act really weird... when you've spent enough time with someone you figure out the routines, and schedule. It was all out of whack. I had enough and walked away. A month passed with no contact then somewhere in passing we started small talk. I later learned she got paranoid about it and she started making up excuses so we didnt talk so much and I just said why couldn't you have just said it in the first place... I finally made a decision and said we cannot have anything more than friendship because this is just way to exhausting on us both. I was patient with her and let her do most of the driving because I knew of her situation I was not going to push anything. Besides I really enjoyed her company anyways. This is working out so far but now personal things are starting to ooze out of her. She admits she has a problem with sex and needs it a lot and now I can't help but wonder how much lying she really has done to me. While this came as a shock to me and it hurt a little the mistake I made anyways is getting involved. I got out of a two year relationship with someone just a couple weeks before I had met her and being with her allowed me to forget my previous fling.

All in all I am just curious what makes a woman admit such things to me? She says she will never change her ways but I suspect it would if something disastrous happened in her marriage. She knows she has a problem that has to be scary to admit to someone especially something as deep as this that could ruin a families life. Thru it all I kept questioning what a woman wants with someone like me who is well below her social status, and two I am not motivated about money as she is and she knows it. Just doesn't make sense... sounds more like its a thrill to her and meaningless. But why go thru the effort?

In the end it was an ultimate mistake I should have never got involved but I do care for her. But you never know right? Live and learn. I still talk to her but I keep it short, to the point and leave it at that. Certainly if I cut her off I will never know if I had a friend or not to be honest. As friends things are fine which I am still on a limb on what to really do. Yes she has apologized for what she has done to me but we'll never get as close anymore because Ill never know fact from fiction. It hurts a little when I let it get to me because now I'll never really know who else has been in my shoes. There for a while I really thought no one else could be its certainly impossible with all the time we had spent together but the moments we spent apart who knows what could of happened. Ive either made a connection with someone or I have found someone who just enjoys rattling to me and looking for attention.