help needed so badly!

Hi everyone,

My situation is as follows.

9 years ago I met, and married within 8 months the most perfect, beautiful girl in the world. Early on in the marriage, she found out something about me I'd kept from her, and we got over it.

March 31st driving home from her parents, she says "I don't love you anymore". I become shocked, and sit in the garden, as she makes up the spare room, she refuses to give a reason, won't go to counselling, marriage guidance, just "I don't love you".

Next day, she admits the catalyst was a Facebook message she's sent to an ex, and she didn't feel bad about it, she then deleted him.

Next day, she changes her Facebook status to "it's complicated" and goes shopping, all this time I've been pretty much catatonic on the sofa. She hasn't logged out, and she's left a message on screen asking for advice on moving to Spain to be with her bf from 18 years ago. She is disabled having lost a leg with type one diabetes about 6 months back, and is likely to lose the other.

I call her, and ask her to come home, when she gets there she admits to having been in contact with him for about 2 months, and the whole bf thing was a fantasy, but she still doesn't love me.

I suffer what's known as an "Acceptance Disorder" at that point, basically a form of post-traumatic stress disorder, and do some stupid things. I take some of her drugs, burn myself on the arm with a cigarette, and make her watch. Sick, I know, but not me.

I ended up in a psych ward, kicked out from home, now in a flat sharing, all in 2 weeks. The new boyfriend has moved from Spain to be with her, and I've had a text saying "me and <name> are now living together, and he's here for good".

I want her back so badly, I've gone through the whole stages of grief, and am dealing with my depression; I'm just desperate for some input here. What can I do?????

I know a lot of people will say "let her go". But I still love her so badly

sounds like a number of unavoidable things have created this breakup: her loosing her leg(s) is going to make her very depressed, coupled with your 'acceptance disorder'. maybe all of the stress and sadness just got to her and she felt like she had to get out of there, and the only other guy she ever loved was her first port of call? I don't know, I don't know all the details. In regards to getting her back, it's hard to take, but from that text you received about her ex being 'here for good', it seems pretty hopeless. I'm not sure what to suggest. In my life I've loved several girls, none of which have ever loved me back like I loved them, its really quite depressing lol, but all the same, after time apart and some space to gather my thoughts, I was able to move on. I find writing down your feelings helps a lot. Even replying to other peoples love issues on this forum can help you come to positive conclusions about your own issues. What do you think?

The acceptance disorder, was brought about by those 3 days of hell, never had any psych issues before, and yeah, i've started a blog to vent.