Wonderful chance encounter that I can't stop obsessing about
Hopefully this isn't too long. I'd like some people to read and respond, so feel free to scan to the important part if this intro/build up is unnecessary for you.
I have an interesting story to tell that I am still mulling over. I can't think, and I can't get off the internet, despite having goals and a routine that I'd like to be working on. There is an email that I'm expecting and I'm taking every opportunity I can to check my email, but it may never come. After this incident on the bus happened, I've been obsessed with telling everyone I know and can confide in all the details, as though I'm trying to be more certain that she'll email me, and felt positively about talking to me. So here I am on the internet now, on a sight where I might get an interesting response.
Anyway, to the point. I was riding the bus at an unusual time for myself, in the morning headed back home from downtown after having stayed at my piano teacher's house. Half way there, a girl gets on the bus that I recognize from middle school(I'm 19). I make eye contact as she's approaching, look down, then look again then look down, partly expecting her to walk on to the back of the bus, not being sure if she recognized me though she engaged eye contact with an interesting look. Instead she sits down in the same row as me but across the aisle. At this point I'm feeling intense activity in my stomach and chest. But having had many moments where I haven't talked to someone on the bus I found interesting, I refused to let this happen this time. Fortunately I already knew her but simply hadn't seen her in a while. So I turned to her and said, "excuse me, I think I know you". For a moment she was off her guard, but she seemed to have something on the tip of her tongue. So I said "you are ____ right?) And she pointed her finger and said my name without much hesitation but as though seeking to be confirmed, which I of course did through some body gesture. I fumbled and said something about middle school, 6th grade, 7th grade. She nodded and said, "oh my god" with a gentle tone containing what I perceived to be amazement(potentially too strong of an adjective, though this felt like an emotionally intense moment). I don't know if all these details are necessary, but keep reading, it just gets more interesting. This is only my understanding of what happened, but I'd like to have a fresh perspective. Anyway, she said "I remember you played piano", "do you still", and I said yes. She then handed me a concert brochure with a pianist I recognized on it, Yevgeny Sudbin. I told her I knew him and that he played good Scriabin, and asked her if she saw him and she had just recently. All of the sudden there was this need for me to cover as many topics as possible before the ride was over but having no clue how to do it. I asked her if she liked classical music and she said she loved it, and I responded by saying I wish I'd known that in middle school. Then she said, "I always wondered what happened to you, where did you go to high school?" I told her the name of the first school I went to and asked if she where she went. I then told her of my history, that I had actually dropped out of my first high school and changed high schools to another school. We exchanged a few words about what it meant to both of us to have been loners in high school and (she said she was for quite a while but had friends as an upperclassmen) didn't spill my guts too much but I hinted that high school was rough in saying that "having issues" was the reason I changed schools, making a joke of it. I was amazed at how well we were understanding each other, how wonderful she was to talk to. I asked her if she would like my email and she quickly pulled out her iPhone and entered it. More amazing coincidences came up. She's a piano player, and is able to accompany vocalists. She's been interested in a variety of instruments. She takes conducting, and goes to a community college that I may be at in the near future. She reads scores. She composes. She has as much passion as I with more discipline. She even had heard of the harpsichord maker that I work with. As I told her that the harpsichord maker who I work with was also my driving instructor, she managed to communicate something to me that caused a bit of a deflation in me that possibly was detectable. She said, her boyfriend wanted to teach her how to drive. Still much of our good conversation commenced even after that and it ended well as I had to get off for my stop. She even was sitting over on one side of her seat but as the conversation commenced she moved closer to the middle and nearer to me, which I took to be a good sign, that at least she was enjoying talking to me and liked me, even if she wasn't romantically interested or wasn't able to consider it given her circumstances. There is something wonderfully pleasant about her, she's very down to earth and kind, and has hobbies, I just feel like we'd be such a good match.
I fancied that she had a bit of a crush on me in our middle school days, or at least was one of those who liked me. Back then I liked her as a person, but being self absorbed and fixated on only the people who had some relatively solid place in a social circle(she and I didn't really), and her being rather short and a little plainer back then, I was not very romantically or sexually interested in her. A part of me flatters myself that this was the universe working in my favor as it occasionally does, as this was really very unlikely and very TIMELY(I had been suffering from loneliness and had recently made a dating site account, then deleted it the very night before I ran into her) But I won't know until she email me and then what do I expect, a relationship? I've never been in a relationship with a girl before(been in one with a guy, and I'm quite certain that females are my preference now). It seems so idyllic and fantastic, this was less than two days ago and I can't stop thinking about it, I can't do anything. Was was euphoria is now depression just because the high was simply too high to be sustained. Thus the situation has colored itself more darkly in my mind.
I need to get off the internet and do the things I need to do, practice, read, and and consider starting my first instrument making project. I need to take care of myself. I don't even know if she'll send me an email, though she indicated she would. There is always the possibility that she didn't even get my email down correctly. I feel foolish for not asking her for hers. It makes me feel like I need to rush to go to her community college.
On the other hand, I'm so surprised that such a romantic yearning has come over me. Hasn't happened in such a long time and she seems better than all my previous interests as it tends to happen with your latest interest.
I hope she will be my friend at least. People like her give me hope that there are girls out there that I will have common interests with, that are also down to earth and kind. And I always had that feeling that she liked me, so potentially there are those girls as I described, who also would find me interesting as a friend or a lover. After having described this to my mom, she thought that maybe this girl would introduce me to her friends and I might meet more people that I like, and potentially another girl. That was something I hadn't thought of, but naturally I'm still a bit fixated on her. The message I can take though, if nothing else is that there is hope and that another thing has happened that indicates the universe has something more complex in it than just impersonal mechanism, I don't mean god, I don't know what I refer to.
I really hope she contacts me.
Well, I don't know what any readers will make of that, as I have not a specific question that I can expect anyone to answer. Obviously you can't tell if she will contact me or not. You don't even know if I described the situation without too much delusion, though I think I did a pretty good job. Hopefully this feeling in my stomach will cease to prevent me from doing anything as my state of mind returns to something similar to what it was. Hopefully she'll contact me!
