He's broken my heart again - I don't know if I have the strength this time
My husband left me 3 months ago after we'd only been married 7 months, but been together 11 years in total. He said he didn't think he felt the same way anymore and he wasn't happy. During the past 3 months I've been so strong, I think I've shocked everyone including myself. I didn't text him or ring him, I only replied to his texts. He has continued to text at least twice a week asking how I am etc.
A couple of weeks ago he finally told me he was ashamed of how he behaved and regretted leaving me and realised what he had thrown away. He said what an idiot he was and how much he missed me etc. I saw him for the first time a week ago and we decided to try again. He told me there had been no one while we had split up. However the next day I got scared because he has done this before a few years ago, but we only split for 2 weeks. I was scared he'd do it again, and so I told him I wanted to be left alone. I immediately regretted it, but left it a day.
I then spoke to my friend on the phone and she told me he had been seen snogging this girl who he works with. However the person who'd said this was this weird guy across the road who I think is kinda spying on me. Anyway I went ballistic and threw all his left over stuff in the front garden, and sent abusive text messages. It seems like it's been a case of chinese whispers. Anyway it turns out this man had only thought he saw him lean over to kiss a girl outside a pub, whilst he was driving past in his car. So not exactly a reliable source. My husband had told me he's been to the pub a couple of times with his work mates before I got told about this supposed kiss. He has continued to deny he has kissed anyone, and I now believe him.
I spoke to my husband on the phone and he's says he's realised it's not going to work. He said I'm going to keep thinking he's going to leave again and I obviously don't trust him. So I'm now heartbroken again. How can he be begging for another chance one minute and then change his mind again. I'm hoping he's just angry at the way I have reacted and he'll come to his senses again. I had begun to move on before because I thought it was definitely over and now I'm just left in limbo. I've been crying most of the day hoping he will text me. It's all such a mess but I love him so much. I don't feel like I've got the strength to move on again. I feel so miserable. I'm dying to text him to see how he's feeling but I know I have to leave him alone.
