Worth Salvaging?

Hey..

Would have to say that my situation is slightly lengthier than most, so do bare with me.. Popcorn?

My gf of 4.5 years was a pretty down to earth and a responsible girl. We've been through some shit but we always pull through. About 2 months ago, she left the country and went overseas (total duration of 1.5 years) to continue her studies. A month into her stay, she decides to break up with me..

It was difficult to get in touch with her the first couple of weeks, throughout which she seemed to miss me. After awhile, she sorta started being really cold and avoided my attempts at conversation. She would call me at night to tell me its expensive, she's tired and she has to go. Yea I get that but she continued on for days and days to the point where it got to me. I mean I miss her and stuff and I really just wanna talk. By and by, conversations became one-sided and it started to feel as if I'm the one wanting to talk and she merely responds. Note: I do call her/sms her when I have the credit too!

I've always had an issue with her going clubbing, and I tend to tell her to avoid such places. I don't feel safe if she wanted to go. But now, she goes clubbing like 2 to 3 times every week! She broke off with me on account of me not giving her enough space.. So I told her that I'm okay with her going clubbing and even agreed to change my ways (eg. give her more space like she requested etc.)

Well I can go on and on.. But to summarize, she started seeing me in a negative light in almost every way possible. My efforts got belittled to nothing and my flaws were magnified. It was as if she's just trying to look for a reason out. Like I've mentioned, I told her I'll adjust myself, but then she gave me the ultimate NO answer and said she wants a break up. And to top it off, she told me she made out with some dude in the club (I was like ?!?!). Oh, and she also told me that she met this guy who she finds attractive, get this, because he's so similar to me! (dumbfounded) She also mentioned that she went on a double date with this guy. Another odd twist? She told him she has a bf after the date..

Other odd stuff:
1. She refrained from telling me she loves me. But when I got really angry and told her enough is enough with all this crap, she tells me she loves me and she still do.
2. She said that I'm not her 'forever'
3. She was extremely happy when I offered to be her best friend (feel stupid for doing this). I couldn't keep up and I told her I can't so the last I spoke to her, I told her that we are just friends..
4. She tells me how awesome I am as a bf, but tells me she has to let me go... (dumbfounded yet again)
5. She made us agree not to see anybody until she gets back.. But uhh.. Look how that's working out on her part?

Last contact:
After some heavy shit, I decided to chillax away and I've stopped talking to her. Odd thing is, one week after, she smsed me asking how am I. I replied her short and sweet. Told her I'm all good. And that was it, she didn't follow up her sms. A week later, she messaged me on fb but I couldn't bring myself to reply her. I still feel so hurt over her actions. Come to think of it, she didn't even said she was sorry. All she said was "I dont want you hearing this from somebody else." Oh and did I mentioned, she went clubbing with that dude who's just like me, and she told me they were dancing with their bodies really close, till the point where some of her friends thought they were a couple. Yup she told me about it too (dumbfounded once more!!!)

As of now, her character seem to have morphed into this party crazy girl.. And I don't know whether it's me, but she sounds so superficial nowadays.. You know? Like how some girls like to talk with the hun.. babe.. darl.. loves.. etc etc. I'm sure you get my point. I'm usually fine with a lil bit of that, but she seems to really be overdoing it talking to her friends like that on fb.

Phew yea.. That's a summary. Am particularly interested in hearing what the girls have to say? Opinions? Thanks!

It sounds like she has checked out of your relationship, so I wouldn't think it's worth salvaging. She made out with another guy when you two were still together? Would you really continue having been disrespected that much?

As to her changing, did she move there without knowing anyone at the place? If that's the case it could come from her needing to get some people around her, and maybe the people she got with "required" her to change her ways abit with the partying etc to get accepted among the new people.It's very difficult coming somewhere knew if you don't know anyone - paricularly if it's a whole new country! Maybe it's a phase she feels like she has skipped in her life until now.

Come to think of it yea.. Most of her friends are new. And they are the partying type. But nevertheless, they sorta planned the thing together. Not as close as best buds but I would say around a good friend level. I was thinking it could be due to the sudden change of environment. But hell, I didn't do such shit when I was abroad.

stop talking to her.
I'm sorry this happened to you..
Clubs and bars and the rest of the corrupt places out there turn women into whores. All the new social pressures around her will change her for the worse. Go No contact.. until she gets home and work on yourself for the 1,5 years. By then she will want you back but you will be over her.

I'm curious, which country did she go to to study?

It sounds like me trying to break up with my ex. I too had started clubbing and stuff and all my friends appeared to be having all this fun being single and I felt I was being left behind. I started to pick apart the relationship (please don't get me wrong here. I know I broke up with my ex very very badly and with no consideration for him, though it was not a healthy relationship. ). Nothing he could do seemed right and nothing he could say would make anything better. I let it get that way because I didn't have the guts to say, sorry it's over. Nor did I have the maturity to look at my friends and see where the fun stopped.
These days I see all my mistakes, and how much harder I made it for everyone involved. I live by the motto 'no regrets' to which I add 'regrets are mistakes that you have missed the lesson in' so if I had my time again I'd do it all the same, but if I had the opportunity to talk to my ex (not likely at all) I'd apologise for being such a bitch.

I'm sorry to tell you but there is nothing to salvage. :(

Why that would be your country (Australia).

Her actions just makes me feel so worthless. I feel its really unfair to just cut me off like that. I mean throughout our relationship, there were times where I compromised/sacrificed to keep the relationship going.

I mean, isn't it shallow to leave someone you love or claim to love for clubbing and all this stuff? As I have said, I was willing to let her have her fun. But honestly, her actions are just too overboard.

Oh I was dreading that possibility. Aussies work hard and play hard. We can also be a very friendly bunch and peer pressure can be huge. I'm sorry some Aussie bastard has hit on your girl. :( I feel almost responsible now, even though I'm not. She didn't go to the ANU did she?

Yes it is shallow. And if she is at ANU or UC (both in Canberra, the Nations Capital) I hate to say it, but it would take a very strong woman to make a long distance relationship last there. It is a very shallow place and also the same city I did my clubbing in just over a decade a go (Holy crap! When did I get that old?!).

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. ( I also apologise to any other Aussies that may have taken offence at my post. I do realise this could have happened anywhere.)

She's in Melbourne actually.. I do understand the possibilities and thinking about it just hurts. But there's nothing much I can do all the way from here.

I mean back here, we were so close. I practically knew her whole family and everything, and just like that in a month.. Poof! Everything went to oblivion.

I do know that she fancies a guy right now, and I saw his pic via fb. Really hot. I'm not a bad looking guy myself (factual), but ah well.. Thinking about her drove me to tears so many times. I just don't know how to move on.

*HUGS*

There are people on the planet that are almost like sponges. They will absorb from what ever is around them and that is how they will present themselves. Maybe the down to earth responsible girl you saw when she was with you was simply how you affected her to be. Now she is with some more wild and outgoing people and she wants to be like that now. Most likely she already had those traits in her to begin with, you just couldn't see them because you were to close.

Be glad you found out while you are still young enough to move on and find someone who is a little more level headed.

Oh and moving on begins with the decision to let go. Once you do that, everything else falls into place. Letting go is easier said than done and I have no advice on how to let go. All I know is it's the first step to moving on.

Thanks for all the advice. Your words really do knock some sense into me. I keep having this false illusion that things will work out, but ah.. who am I kidding.

I'm really glad to hear from you because you do relate to this issue very well (about the Aus atmosphere and all) Again no offense meant. I myself have stayed in Melbourne for 0.5 years and it truly is a lovely country.

Time for me to pick up the pieces.