It did not work out but...

Hi there

Do you remember my latest posts where I sort of brag about how I've finally met somebody and blablabla...

Well things did not work out the way I wished them to. I had met that fantastic gentle young man (3 years younger), calm, hard working and fun...we were on the phone every evening for 2 weeks before our second date and I had a strong feeling we connected well and that I had found someone for a long term relationship...

I know I rushed into it like a mad woman...I was probably lonely for too long a time...

Anyway the second date turned into a disaster...My bo came clean with a medical problem he has and this changed my whole perception of him...anway I won't go into details..

The second date and the moments we shared together certainly affected my feelings for him from romantic to just friendly...

We communicated on this and we agreed that we would not pursue the relationship...


I feel bad about something though...this young man has been stuck with this problem for ages and has not done anything to investigate where it stems from or to resolved the issue...shyness, low self esteem, lack of confidence...

My friends are suggesting I forget about him as an adult should know how to take care of himself and fix his problems...

I feel though that he is a very lonely person, buried his life into work, has some friends but never talked openly about this problem to anyone...so going to a doctor is an extremely difficult step to make...

I keep thinking that we did not meet by chance and that something positive should come out of the disastrous turn of event.

I would like to help him but I don't want him to become psychologically dependent on me...I want him to take control of his lfe and problems.

What would you do and what is the best way to go about this?

Is his problem treatable? If so, send him whatever info you want him to have in an email. Tell him you are concerned that he hasn't addressed the problem before now, and tell him you are worried it will prevent him from being involved with anyone in the future.

If he emails you back, don't respond, at least not for several days. The drag out the time between contact.

I agree with what vashti said, nicely send him some info on his problem & see where things go from there.

Ummm....Okkkaay. Whats the problem?

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Originally Posted by surfhb [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ummm....Okkkaay. Whats the problem?

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I don't feel that describing the issue would help plus it's very private and belongs to someone else's secret garden...

What I would like to know really is how to maintain a fair distance but still help him and convince him to come out of his shell about it...I feel that anything I say from now could put him on the defensive...men are so good at cutting personal matters out of their mind..

Vash your advice is spot on...can you please help me with the first line...I want to write an email...and do you think I can salvage a friendship with this person.

I wanted to say as he has never seen a doctor about this it's difficult to know if it's treatable...I might PM you a few question if it's okay with you...(since you're medical profesional...)

You said that the two of you agreed to remain friends but not pursue a romantic relationship. With that being the case, there is no worry about contacting him and talking to him.

But, as a guy, I will say that you need to not make him feel like you are taking pity on him, or feel bad for him. He will not want that. But I am sure he wouldn't mind a friend who cares about him and his well-being.

Therefore, I would suggest that you don't make your friendship all about his issue. Talk about all sorts of things, talk to him about you and your life. If he feels like he is helping you with something, he might be more receptive to you helping him.

Good luck.

is it contagious?

I find it odd that he has never talked to anyone about this problem, but opened it up to you on the second date.

This would get my mind thinking, and I would probably help him only by recommending he speak to a professional about it.

Go ahead and PM me, sookie. You know you don't need to ask! I'll help you if I can.