The mess

Ok so here is my mess

I was engaged to a wonderful woman, she was perfect on paper except I just didnt fancy her anymore. I look back and I never really chased her It just happened and 5 years later still no arguments she was so good to me I just thought that thats how things go.

I met somebody else who also was in a LTR but shorter though. We became friends although it was clear from the start we had tons of attraction toward each-other. We clicked instantly and I started having thoughts that I may have not been looking long enough for 'the one'. It affected my relationship to the point where I started pushing her away and staying away from home so I could date this other woman effectively.

In the end before anything physical could happen I essentially walked out on my fiancee. It was so harsh I couldn't do it to her anymore I was starting to fall in love with this other woman. So I did and despite her efforts to rebuild I kept pushing her away. I talked to the other girl and told her my feelings. Hey guy seemed like such a looser in comparison to the woman Id thrown away but I guess there was something there.

When I was single i felt easier about turing up the heat on the girl i wanted. She broke up with him and I decided to give her space, but she ended up feeling abandoned and then was bullied by her ex into getting back together. She called me to tell me and I told her I thought it was a mistake and we broke contact. I had just started to move on and she called me to hang out. So reluctantly I did and this time the feelings were much stronger. So much so that she admitted she loved me and broke up with her now ex.

We got together after a week and it was amazing just like we had dreamed. Everything was there and we were moving so much but it was without fear from both of us. Not only were we pretty much perfect in our ways but it felt so amazing. Then after a month or so she mentioned she had to meet her ex to give him some stuff back. The week leading up to that was a bit stressful she needed space I didn't give it to her for fear of loosing her again. We ended up having an argument the night before she was due to meet him and she lost her phone and I was unable to contact her. I was at work the next day didnt check my FB or email where she had left messages and I thought she was pissed and i couldnt get through to her. She went to my place not knowing I was at work and I went to hers. I got back at lunch and checked my messages and replied but it was too late, she was already seeing him.

She came back that night and was a completely different person to the woman I had known for the last 8 months. She told me that she wasnt sure about us anymore and that shes not ready for a relationship. She told me that this all felt like cheating! We talked it out but Ive never been so heartbroken in my life. In a strange cathartic moment i felt maybe this is how my ex felt when I selfishly walked out on her. We tried to make a go of it and stopped sleeping together for a week, there was still so much lust there we sould make out a lot. She then went to see her folks and friends and Im sure her ex as well. She came back even more distant. We then spent a week apart and I decided to end things. I told her I wanted her to be happy most of all even though that may be without me although I couldnt understand why. She didnt put up much of a fight.

The next day I went to hers to give her her stuff back. We hugged and held each-other for 15 minutes. No more I love yous but I miss you so much, I cant live without you etc. We hung out for the day and had fun. Two days later we hung out again and she kissed me. The next day I went over to hers to help her with some stuff, and she started touching me and kissing me, we ended up having foreplay without sex, and she says I cant wait to do this again, properly. I stayed the night, and the next day we went on a date and stayed the night without any sex as she was tired but in the morning she wanted it but I had to go to work...!

So her mum come visits her this weekend and she's a bit tied up so I left her alone. I invited her for dinner and she says shes tired etc. I feel we are on a knife edge. I cant really explain how important she is to me, despite the mixed messages and overall moodiness. I want to giver her space but every time I do I loose her. Should I just accept that she despite being the woman I love is flawed and leave us to fate? Sorry for the long winded post but would appreciate your thoughts!

This is what you get when you catch a woman on the rebound. Women get more emotional and it takes longer for them to figure out what they want. Since you mentioned her ex was a jackass, it's only your perception of him so you can't really know for sure what the relationship was like. If she wasn't getting the right attention she sought you out as an escape to get what was lacking. You gave her what she craved, but I doubt that she was in love....she may have misinterpreted what she was really feeling. She will seek out guidance from her mother, so you will have to see later where this is going to go. Just leave her alone.

So, what is it that you want? From her, from yourself?

Thanks for the replies. I do get your point and I almost wonder if the same applies to me as well. I guess true love comes with security and we only had that for about a week or two. Its frustrating because had we met under different circumstances I wouldn't be posting here!

I do think there is so much there on all levels and Id be reluctant to let her go. Id like for us to make a fresh start and be together in a normal relationship. I just feel she falls for me again, then in her time away where she cant tell people about us she plays the whole thing down and convinces herself that things aren't meant to be, then sabotages our relationship to a point where I want to pull out. Then we see each-other again and it goes back again. Id like to break the cycle but win her as opposed to loose her.