Definition of A Mans Heart

Been a long time since I posted anything, more over a poem. I know I've been song writting more then anything. But heres a poem for you. I had writters block the past couple of months, but this is one that just entered my head. Enjoy :)
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When they ask what you loved the most,
Tell them it was the memories.
An intricate mix of sorrow, happiness, and love.
A Bed, prepared to see a mans' soul rest upon a hilltop.
Ahhh the wonders of your own path, satisifed with nary a regret.
And when you dream of climbing a mountain high to smell
the riches of a blessed star
Remember...I am Life, and thus defined.

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This is about a man lying in his deathbed, remembering what made him the man he is laying before his following utopia. And the spirit of life is telling us that this is the point at which you are defined as a person before the ultimate dream.

wow this is an amazing poem. Glad your back!

It's trite. You're inputting cliche' words and clause combos. NO!

Tell me how its cliche to tell in your view what a man is experiencing before death, in the view of life itself.

Also Clauses, be it independant or dependant seldom follow the same rules in line poetry as they do in stories, sentances, or block poetry. Poetry never has to have a flow, just a story to tell, and each line is a building block in helping to understand that story. I respect your opinion, but I do not see where your coming from.

"When they ask what you loved the most,
Tell them it was the memories."

These two lines above are representing what the man is telling an angel before his passing. This story is being told from the perspective of lifes spirit.

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"An intricate mix of sorrow, happiness, and love."

The line above is of course, explaining what memories are without going into great detail. And memories are exactly that. Emotion tied to key events in our lives.

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"A Bed, prepared to see a mans' soul rest upon a hilltop.
Ahhh the wonders of your own path, satisifed with nary a regret."

These two lines are tied in together, the setting where the man shall rest, and being satisfied without regret. This ties in with waht we said earlier in the poem with his memories.

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"And when you dream of climbing a mountain high to smell
the riches of a blessed star"

This line above represents his soul flying towards his ultimate dream, the utopia he always envisioned.

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"Remember...I am Life, and thus defined."

This line above is when a mans soul, and life come together in crucial point of defining what life is, as well as what we have done to make it memoriable.

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However, I do agree in the aeas of line 3-5, there is some inconsistant break-up that I could address. I can see where that is causing a problem, I do need to fix that.

i'm unsure as to why people like to engage with this person.

??? I wasn't engaging, I was just explaining some things. Its civil in my view :)

The fastest way to a man's heart is with a knife, through the chest.

I love your poems Innova, they're all well brilliant!

As for I-So-Know-Everything, go on, write as a poem.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by KaWaiiSkYe

I love your poems Innova, they're all well brilliant!

As for I-So-Know-Everything, go on, write as a poem.

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I've written plenty but nobody reads them :(

I read em, believe me. That wheres the porn was brilliant haha.

No no! Now you.. I meant IKnowEverything..!