I can't forgive myself

Hi guys,

I am really feeling very depressed over my situation, my story may seem like I am crazy but I am not. Please understand my feelings after you read my story.

I had this female friend of 11 years, and she had a 7 years boyfriend. For all this years we had never met before but only communicate through MSN almost every day, supporting her when she's down, be there to chat with her when she quarrel with her ex and eventually, we developed feelings for each other and became very close friends.

Then last november, I finally decided to meet up with her as she was on the verge of breaking off with her ex. When we met, love rushed into us. But things got worst when she realized that she still loves her ex more after they broke off and she wanted to patch up with her ex but he doesn't want to and she was very upset.

She then started build a distance between us and finally she told me we are not compatible and when I asked her why she wouldn't tell me (but I guess it's because of my height and my build), and because of this I became desperate and crazy over it, and I started to stalk her.

Until one day she saw me peeping into her house, she got very angry with me and asked me to leave. Since then, things got from bad to worse. I tried to explain myself to her but she said she had lost all trust in me and broke all contact with me, she even removed me from her facebook. She tells all her friends about me and calls me a stalker. I am really hurt.

But I was still able to get updates about her as I had her account password and from her updates I saw many changes in her, she's no longer the girl that I loved, no longer simple, she flirts and bounds around. Then I started to blame myself for interfering in her relationship and breaking our special friendship. I cry whenever I think of how she use to be. I can't stop blaming myself.

I really love her. Every moment now, I am thinking of what can I do to make her regain her trust in me and at least be friends again. I don't ask for much. But no matter how I can't find any solution to it.

I am making this post in hope that I can get some advice from you guys on what I should do.

Thanks in advance. I am very sorry if I sounded like crazy, I am not its just that I just lost myself. :'( Please help.

Go get counseling for being a stalker, you should be good after that.

You are acting like a stalker...you "peeped" into her house and you are logging into her account to see updates.

Your behaviour is weird. Stop it. There is no chance of anything here so move on.

Yeh, I would never repeat that behavior. The Stalking. Don't repeat that with anyone. You blew it here and you need to just let it go. You need to respect peoples boundaries. You obviously went way too far. Just accept that it is over. If a woman saw you peeping. Wow!! It's over. Just be happy that it didn't get worse and that you are not in jail and leave this person alone. It will be better for you too.