Same story, need to rant

It's all come down to this weekend. Months of anguish, false healing, trying to re-condition myself to thinking I am okay. She's leaving on Monday.. I helped her move on Tuesday and it breaks my heart the way she talks to me now. There's no familiarity, so much indifference in her tone, "don't punish yourself, it's life" is what she said to me when I told her how shitty I felt about how things turned out between us. I know I lost her love, she moved on before me but I'm still unwilling to accept it.

She gets on a plane and I might never see her again, and even if I do, we'll both be completely different people. It's only Friday, I have to survive til Monday because then when she leaves, there's absolutely nothing else to be done.

Is it too much to ask for her to show remorse? I want her to break down just like I am right now, and tell me that I am the most important person in her life, that the last 4 years were something special, and that it hurts like hell to leave. But no, she's all ****ing calm and collected, and I know her, she's not the calm and collected type. So for her to be holding back, keeping me on the outside is so painful.

We had a weak ass goodbye, like 2 acquaintances hugging out of politeness. I feel I deserve something better. I'm not doing well at all today.