I'm trapped, can't get over him
How do I get over him?
I'm trapped.
2 months ago, I broke up with my ex on the grounds that we would stay friends after the break up. We cared about each other deeply, but felt that the beginning of our relationship, which was rocky, had done its damage on the remainder of our relationship and that we needed to draw it to a close. With our last month on campus together, we would go out to dinner, hang out one on one, never physical but still keeping things very intimate together. And the whole time I couldn't help thinking in the back of my head, we're probably going to get back together.
And because that thought is there, I'm constantly considering it. Sometimes I think of the idea and I think, I'd like that. After we have some time apart, maybe we can try again. Our last part of our relationship was wonderful, and he treated me exactly as I wanted to be treated and better; I simply couldn't forgive him for what he had done in the beginning months of our relationship. Maybe with time, I can forgive him, and then we can try again.
And then I think of the idea other times and it makes me feel sick. It makes me wonder if I really want to go back to that after everything that had happened between us. Do I really want to put in the effort again, after all of the hurt I've been through? Shouldn't I just close this case and move on?
And then of course, sometimes I'll get downright mad. Mad about the things he did, mad at myself for not being able to simply forgive him after he had changed his ways. Mad about the way things worked out. And I want to never see or hear from him again.
And then of course, I start hoping that we'll get back together one day.
I've stopped all communication with him in order to stop thinking at all about our future and just move on. And yet I feel more trapped in these thoughts and feelings than ever.
How do I move on? Should I move on? I need someone to talk sense into me.