Postpartum depression? or is hubby lieing??? Help!!
:upset:I am a 30 yo who just a baby boy at the end of Feb 2011. I have 2 other children (girl 8, boy 6) and whats suppose to be my soon 2 be stepchild (boy,9). Back in Jan. I caught my fiance in his 1st lie..of many. I was 8-9 months pregnant, on maturnity leave, and very bored. I decided to clean out the computer 2 increase the speed....I found that he was on multiple porn sites, mostly all blonds (im a brunette) and they were all bondage/torture sites. I explained to him at beginning of our relationship to just be open with me about everything. Explained that, sexually, he would not scare me or weird me out as long as he doesn't hide things. So, I approached him with what I found and he denied it. I showed him the sites he visited and he still denied it until finally cracking a couple hours later. I asked him, "Why lie about going 2 porn site? U know Im laid back with sex, etc". His answer was b/c i was prego he didn't want to make me feel bad....which i understood. I explained that I was more upset about him lieing and completely denying it then I was about him going on those sites. He swore, promised, that he wouldn't be sneaky about it and agreed that we could visit those sites together. I trusted him. 2 weeks later, he asked me to look up a recipe on his phone....well guess what pops up??? Yup more porn sites visited as recent as the day b4. I felt my stomach drop and was betrayed....again. Then Jan and Feb bank statements came in...and i see multiple $$ withdrawals. My name is not on this acct but its the accnt we pay the bills out of and just about all of our $ goes into. Oh..and he carries the ATM card. I approached him with the bank statements and he couldn't answer where all the $ was going. He promised again to communicate with me, I believed him..again. He even handed me over the ATM card. He'll keep a $125 from his paycheck each week to use for coffee, lunch, etc while he's at work. The next incident occured in March sometime, he was paid on Friday and by tues he had $20, and could only partially account for some of his $$. He also didn't buy any lunch on Monday. He's deleted his message hx in his phn, he's deleted txts from his ex-wife that i know where on his phn but left later conversations between them in his call hx. He swears up and down that nothing is going on between him and her or him and anybody. I just don't believe what he says anymore. Today, he signed onto our online cable acct...and the user name was her name and bday....i flipped. He said she hacked into their acct when they were together but we moved from the old apartment, and started new service up...kept the same tele# but it was new service. He registered OUR acct with her name. I am soooo hurt and says I look too much into things.
I really don't know whats going on or what to do anymore. I do know that I feel like im going crazy, and question everything....am I over reacting?? Or do I have every reason to be upset, not trusting of him, and hurt. He said im postpartum depressed....i really dnt know, I dn't feel depressed. He's an Iraqi war vet, suffers from PTSD and some control issues, his ex wife cheated on him...so he has trust issues too. I dnt know what to do anymore. I told him I was moving out, I just feel bad for our newborn baby... 8-( PLEASE HELP ME......IM SO LOST :upset:
