Relationship "Break" after 5.5 Years

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17-05-11, 01:07 AM
HDBadger

Relationship "Break" after 5.5 Years

I'll keep this as brief as possible.

My longtime gf asked for a break back in the fall. We've had a loving, fulfilling relationship - and this is something she freely admits to. We get along with each other's families, have a good physical relationship, great chemistry, and intelligent discussions. She knows I love her from the bottom of my heart. We've discussed marriage, kids, the future, etc.

So then she asks for the break. I told her I don't agree with breaks, and I told her I think we need to discuss whatever things are bothering her to work through them - whether they are issues with our relationship, or outside issues like work (she works a TON of hours every week). In our discussion about the break, she wasn't particularly clear about things. She said she still loves me, and my family, and my friends. She said she really values what we have. But she also said she felt confused. I think it's pertinent to add here that we have dated since she was 19. I asked her to, if she honestly thought we had no future together, break up with me outright, and avoid the nonsense. She said that wasn't what she wanted to do. So I told her I wasn't going to try to stop her from having a "break," but that I didn't agree with it.

We spoke occasionally with each other until about Christmas. The conversations were normal but brief. We talked about "us" sparingly, because I didn't want to keep pressuring the issue. After a while I thought this limbo situation wasn't appropriate, so I wrote her an honest letter, stating exactly where I stood, how much I loved her, and how I knew we could have a great future together, but that I also found this middleground inappropriate and unproductive.

From January 1 to around May 1, we spoke once, and that conversation was unavoidable because of something that came up.
Recently, she has been initiating contact more, but I'm not getting anything committal from her - at least nothing outright. She's gone on one or two dates in the past six months or so, but doesn't have a boyfriend or any prospects right now.

So, basically, I still have no idea what's going on. And that's extraordinarily frustrating and upsetting. I'm honestly at a loss for what, if anything, to do. For the record, I've been "living my life" just the way I want to during this break. I haven't been waiting around, or feeling bad for myself, but I'm also not going to ignore my feelings. I would die for this woman if I had to, and it's heart wrenching to not know what the future may hold.

I know the sorts of things I'm probably going to hear from the peanut gallery - and that's cool, because I'm absolutely willing to listen to any and all advice, feedback, or input anyone might have.

Thanks so much.
17-05-11, 01:09 AM
BackUpOrGetStng

If she initiates contact with you again, tell her not to contact you anymore unless she wants to get back together. Tell her that you're moving on and you're trying to meet other women now(make sure you mention other women).

You really do need to be out looking for other girls too, don't just tell her that.
17-05-11, 01:12 AM
smackie9

Just because she hasn't got a BF doesn't mean she wants to be with you.....she can have the choice of not wanting one because she is too busy to put energy into one, so she is just dating casually. So don't put your life on hold in hopes she will change her mind.....you guys broke up ages ago, so it's over.
17-05-11, 01:20 AM
HDBadger

Thanks for the replies.

Here is what is confusing: Why tell a guy "I have been thinking about you" and "I miss you" and "I love you" months after a relationship is done?

That's what she is doing, with no initiation on my part.
17-05-11, 02:20 AM
BackUpOrGetStng

She wants a reaction. She wants to know she still has you. You're her back up. Cut her off. Just start ignoring her, bet it drives her nuts.
17-05-11, 03:11 AM
smackie9

Quote:

Originally Posted by HDBadger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks for the replies.

Here is what is confusing: Why tell a guy "I have been thinking about you" and "I miss you" and "I love you" months after a relationship is done?

That's what she is doing, with no initiation on my part.

Why are you asking us???? You should be asking her....if she can't tell you a straight answer then she is just looking for some attention and nothing more....cut her off.
17-05-11, 10:14 AM
Boisdevie

She has been on dates with other guys? This means your relationship with her is over. Finished. Kaput.
17-05-11, 10:20 AM
Cerby

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boisdevie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She has been on dates with other guys? This means your relationship with her is over. Finished. Kaput.

Agreed, her feelings have wandered and come apart. She will say things like "I just want to see what else is out there" which is harsh bullshit. Time for you to tell her to leave you alone unless she is seriously willing to consider reconciliation. Accept nothing in the middle.
17-05-11, 10:26 AM
HDBadger

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Agreed, her feelings have wandered and come apart. She will say things like "I just want to see what else is out there" which is harsh bullshit. Time for you to tell her to leave you alone unless she is seriously willing to consider reconciliation. Accept nothing in the middle.

I agree 100 percent with both of you. The word "break" means not much to me. It was a breakup. That's how I saw it, and that's how I have been treating it this whole time.

My hangup now is the mixed messages I'm getting.