I turned psycho, how do I move on....
My ex and I met 2 years ago through a mutual friend. We ended up becoming really good friends who had similar wants and desires out of life as well as a relationship so it was pretty natural when our friendship turned into more. We would talk all the time, spend lots of time together and just have fun. One of the things he said he liked most about our relationship was that it wasn't a lot of "drama." He had a past of dealing with females and cutting things off when drama arised as he felt that there were better things out there that didn't involve that. His motto was "why deal with the drama when there's always something better" and although I understood what he was saying I also felt as if problems and disagreements are inevitable in relationships and that how u deal with these things together is what makes them work and that was where our relationship failed.
I was doing the best I can with what I had to make him happy, as was he, but when a problem did come up he completely withdrew from me, not wanting to talk or spend time together and instead of giving him his space I pressed harder (my mistake). It hurt feeling like I was losing him and it hurt even more that he started talking more and hanging out with a lot of the female friends he had (chicks he either used to talk to or was physically attracted to and that liked him) especially when I wasn't getting that from him as his girlfriend. I continued to press him though not giving him any space which of course made things between us worse. We then went on a break which led to a break up which led to "friends with benefits" and now it's like we're enemies.
I've made every possible mistake in the book (blaming, criticizing, sending a thousand text messages to talk, etc) and he now thinks I'm crazy. I honestly feel as though my actions have stemmed from my insecurities and fears of losing him and they ended up pushing him away. I guess you can say i lost myself in the relationship. Anyway, We haven't talked in a few days which is probably the best for both of us but the last time I tried reaching out to him he ignored me which hurt. He has also moved on to one of the girls he was friends with when we were together.
How do I get over this guilt of feeling like I ruined the relationship and that if I had done things differently it would've worked out? How do I get over him and move on without thinking that he will come back? What hurts is that I'm hurting and it's like he doesn't seem to care he's still living his life happy as ever. He treats everyone better than me like he cares about them. It's almost like what we had didn't exist or count for anything and I just feel like it was all my fault and then I hate that i let my insecurities control me so much to do the things i did and now he and his friends probably consider me as his psycho crazy ex girlfriend :/ my last relationship ended similar to this as well, it seems as though when things are good they're good and the guys are very happy but the moment a problem occurs I get so afraid of losing them and hurt by their withdrawing that I act out in ways which just end up pushing them away. What do I do?
