Just ended my relationship
Officially last night me and my girlfriend broke up, it was more her choice than mine, i still love her so much and want to be with her. like the saying goes you dont really know what you have until its gone. except for the fact that she has been telling me for sometime now that i could lose her and then what would i do? well, that time has come for sure last night and i just dont know what to do with myself, i am so sad depressed and i cant stop thinking about her, our relationship and what i could have done to prevent this breakup from happening. i have been on the internet since 5 today trying to read about how to be positive after a breakup i read a lot and tried to post my story on a website trying to get help, but it didnt work then i found this site. i typed up my whole relationship with my girlfriend to try to get help so im going to paste it in here and hopefully i can get some help and guidance on what i should do.
i am 22 and my girlfriend is 20. Me an my girlfriend had just broke up last night, i am devastated and don't know how to deal with myself right now. We pretty much both agreed on the break up but only because we talked about it and i understood how she felt about it. We have been together for 3 and 1/2 years this May. As i said we both agreed on it, not entirely, I still love her and am in love with her but she says she loves me with all her heart but isn't in love with me anymore.
She says that she has had different feelings about our relationship for a couple months now and we sort of talked about it but not really, it seems as though when she said anything about being not happy it was when we were in a fight, which was almost every other day. we have been living together since last november. For valentines day i proposed to her so we have been engaged for about 4 months, at first it was really good, she was happy i was happy even though i didnt want to ask her to marry me at first, i wanted to wait to get engaged, but she somewhat talked me into/pushed me into asking her to marry me. example - she told her co-worker that if i didnt ask her to marry me that night that i was out of the house - i was scared to do it, i dont know why but after i did i felt relieved and it wasnt so bad i was happy, we were happy together.
but at some point she just stopped being happy and back to normal routine; getting mad at me cuz i say something stupid, for not thinking before i talk, i always get her upset while she is at work, i dont pick up after myself, i dont do the dishes or the laundry... everything i did i felt like it was the wrong thing and i always got yelled at for it. then around march she started telling me that because she is unhappy with the things that i do that i need to change by her birthday May 6th that if im not changed by then, then i have to pack my sh*t and leave.
I tried to change and do the things that i needed to do but, i am a very very forgetful person and that was one of the things that i had to change along with picking up after myself (chores) laundry was a big one because she never had any clothes or any work clothes and would get mad at me about it, because i didnt do the laundry for her. i didnt show her enough affection, i never show her my feelings and what i think. i guess i have bad communication skills. she always told me that she puts so much hard work into this relationship and she gets nothing in return," i put 110% into this and you dont put any". i just guess what i was doing wasnt enough and she didnt see it as good enough. after she had started saying that if you are not changed by my birthday you are out, i was trying to do what i needed to do but i always f*d up somewhere along the way and the same fight every time, and even though i started doing some of the things i had to do, it wasnt good enough because she would say "oh man you did the dished twice, that is nothing" or "wow you did the laundry one time and folded it" it wasnt enough, i never got the time between arguments to prove to her that i was really trying to change and do what i had to do for the relationship. it seems to me now that i am typing this all out that she was really demanding of things in our relationship but i dunno.
when we both got together we kind of let ourselves go as in we both got chubby, except i was already a little chubby, i just got more chubby. she was skinny and got chubby, but somehow she lost all of her weight and i am still the same and i think that this may have a place in how our relationship is now over, she even told me "i lost 50 pounds and you dont tell me how beautiful i am everyday" its not like i was trying to ignore the fact that she lost all that weight i loved it and we were having more sex. but i think that as she was losing her weight i should have lost weight also. she always told me what i was doing wrong but i could never listen and fix those problems, after many fights and when another one would start i would try to apologize by saying sorry but she would then say your sorrys dont mean anything to me anymore because you are just going to "f" up again tomorrow. and that is where the forgetful part of me comes back into the whole thing.
she would tell me that i pretty much try to get her upset and make her mad everyday, but why wold i try to get the girl that i love upset and mad everyday!? i never tried to and i always say baby, i didnt mean to do it i never meant to get you in a bad mood or upset you, and she would yes you did... but going back to the losing weight part, i was saying about giving her attention for it, and i think that this break up could have been because i wasnt giving her enough attention and she was possibly getting it from other guys on facebook because of her new pictures of herself she would post. 2 weeks ago she started talking to this kid that she went to school with, the only reason they started talking is because she lost the weight and messaged her on facebook about it, but this person wasnt in her life for the 3 and a half years that we have been together but now he is? and she talked to this person so much that i was getting paranoid about it.
they went to lunch 2 fridays ago, then saturday when i worked i was thinking too much about it and after work on saturday we went to her dads house with a little boy that we babysit, i was playing in the yard with him and when i went over to my girlfriend i saw that she was texting and i leaned over to look at her phone and i saw his name and she backed out of the text right away and put the phone down by her side, then when we left there in the car i tried to peek at her phone again and i thought i saw his name so i asked baby, who are you talking to? and she said Briannan, that wasnt the name i thought saw... i worked another 8 hour day sunday and then she worked at night time, this person was only a "friend" though, but on her break we were talking and she had mentioned that this guy was coming over after she was done, to hang out, that just ripped me apart and i had to say something.
so i texted her this whole message about im getting bad signs from this guy and i want to know for sure that he is just a friend and nothing more and this and that. she texted me back saying that they are just friends and nothing like that is going to happen between them and he has a girlfriend. we just talk thats all, we talk about me and you (as in me and her) and they talk about him and his girlfriend and other stuff. he was just someone for her to talk to. but i think that he is affecting her feelings and the way she thinks about our relationship even though she may not think it, she says hes just a friend and i believe her, i think its just the fact that it is another guy that she can talk to but doesnt like or have feelings for. but then this stuff started coming out more now than before that she is unhappy and even mentioned a break from each other.
so i respected her feelings and decisions and i got a couple of my things together and went to my parents on tuesday and have been there since, ive seen her a couple times. saturday was a horrible day for me, i was am emotional wreck, i was at work and i could not stop thinking about me and her, i was tearing up every minute. after work we babysat again and when we put him to bed we started talking about everything and how we need space and time to ourselves to grow as individuals because we have been together for so long and being with each other is all we know how to do. well, she was the one talking i was the one agreeing. she was telling me that she loves me with all her heart but she isnt in love with me anymore.
but i still love her. i dont know what to do in this situation, at first i thought all this was going to be was just a couple days apart and then we would get back together and everything would be ok, then it was we need the space to find each other and she was saying that she needs to be happy and to love herself before she can love someone else. she says that she doesnt want anyone else, shes not leaving me for another guy, i guess we just broke up cuz she was unhappy with the relationship and she doesnt love me anymore, but what i am thinking, and a friend mentioned it to me too that how can she just stop loving me all of a sudden after 3 and 1/2 years, after being engaged, and all the things we talked about that would happen in our lives, after saying "i love you forever and a day", after all the memories bad or good that we have together, but in the end like i said i understand that she is unhappy but maybe she is taking this to far we just need space and to not break up, i dont know.
please can anyone help me and tell me what they think of this, so maybe i can do something to get her back, this is a lot of stuff i hope people take the time to read this and to help me. thank you
