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Heya
My partner says I should be more aggressive during foreplay, but sometimes I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt her or something. :P Could anyone possibly share some tips with me on ways to be more aggressive toward with her? Remember this isn't during sex, it's foreplay with our clothes still on. Mostly.. I want to satisfy her and be more aggressive. Help!
This might sound weird, but I think deep down you have a fear of raping her. That fear is subconscious so it is not like you think it to yourself every time you have sex with her, but it is in there telling you to make sure all your sexual actions are soft and gentle and polite and so are a long way from the aggressiveness and disrespect of a rape.
So understand to yourself that a rape is not in the physical action as it is in the lack of consent. So since she is consenting to having sex with you, there is no possible way it is a rape. You can be aggressive with her and still love her and care for her and respect her. The two are not mutually exclusive. You will not be a rapist or a 'wife-beater' if you do.
Well, she didn't say "be aggressive," she said "be MORE aggressive." So it's hard to answer this question without knowing what you usually do during foreplay. How gentle are you?
Throw her around a bit, pull her hair, bite her (not too hard), conduct foreplay with more intensity/passion, lots of kissing and groping. But as Shell points out hard to know how that compares to what you currently do.
@dave No.. But thanks for the insight.
@shelly I am generally gentle with her, but I do already bite her and she loves that a lot. It turns her on so much.
@pisces Yeah.. Im going to try and see that. But what qualifies as being more aggressive? Am I like supposed to body slam her and kiss her as hard as possible? I want to do what will make her feel amazing, and unhurt at the same time. Currently I just pin her wrists down on the bed and kiss her, and bite her as stated above. What else can I do?
You can ask her what she has in mind? Ask her to elaborate on her comment about being more aggressive, more specific. She may have some things in mind. I wouldn't worry about hurting her, unless you are huge and she is tiny I don't think being a bit rough will hurt her. So much of sex is experimentation so just try things and look out for the cues that you are on the right track. I love my boyfriend being aggressive in bed as out of the bedroom he is a very calm, gentle never-raise-his-voice or get angry type person. So when he turns into this big angry monster in the bedroom it does it for me as I never see that side of him.
Yeah I could ask her. I think it would be more thrilling to her if she didn't expect it though. This isn't during sex though. This is purely foreplay =D
Come to think of it, she might mean aggressive in terms of initiating things. Like, if I'm making out with my boyfriend for an hour, and he doesn't even try to get a little boob action, then I'd probably think he's not being aggressive enough. Not because he's being too gentle, but because he's being too passive. Although it's good to be a gentleman, being too much of a gentleman can make it seem like you're not passionate. It might be best to ask your girl for clarification, because what she said is kind of vague. Asking for a little guidance can be pretty hot too. In the midst of foreplay, you could say something like "Tell me what you want" or "Show me how you like this."
Pull her hair gently yet firmly so that her head is drawn back. Do this while you're kissing her.
Take control , safely throw her on the bed and then pull her across the bed to you.
Squeeze her ass while kissing her.
Make it seem like you're the boss and she's going to submit to you.
That's all I've got with the little info given.