Girlfriend of 3 and a half years, gone in 3 days.
My (ex)girlfriend and I met in highschool about 4 years ago, she chased me for sometime, and although I wasnt really interested in her at the time, we started dating, and she grew on me eventually. Our first 2 years were great, she was the most caring and attentive girlfriend I have ever had, she tried very hard to please me, and did a great job, I was deeply in love. We even went on to win senior prom and were one of the only lasting relationships through high school. It felt like we were meant for eachother in every way.
Anyways, we moved in together about a year ago to this month, brought my cousin in as a roomate as well. We moved from California to Albuquerque, got jobs, got a decent house, started living our lives. At first we were so excited to be on our own and self sustaining, but slowly over time we began arguing about little things more, and our sex life diminished. This left me asking for sex and her always saying, 'no' or 'later'. It became a constant struggle. In the last couple months, she suggested we take 2 months off sex to get back the drive, and then try again then. I was up for it, if it would help.
Well about a month in, she started saying she needs more space, our own rooms, and we need own friends, etc. She then soon decided that she was going to have a night hanging out with "co-workers", drinking and whatnot. I let her go, no problems at all. She rolls in at 1 am, drunk, tells me she was hanging out with a guy from work and his family, getting drunk, bbq, etc. It was a little off from her original story, but I brushed it off.
However, next thing I know, she goes straight to bed, doesnt say good night. I walked in and tried to talk to her. She starting talking about how she has work early and doesnt want to talk. She doesnt say anything that is comforting my concerns; her story wasn't matching up, she would not look me in the face and she just didn't want to talk about her night. She eventually started yelling and making a big deal, I said some things back, as I had been drinking a little too. One of the most suspicious things was when I said she made it seem like she was having sex/cheating with this guy, not accusing however. She kind of smirked about it and then just said "no, we are just friends" slightly sarcastically. I asked her why she was smiling, she began stumbling on her words and just spat out an excuse, said it was a stupid accusation, smiling. I was furious, I left the room, layed on the couch all night, didnt sleep at all. My heart/gut feelings would not allow me.
I crawled into bed around 5 am, but just lay awake, thinking, my heart pounding. I knew she had work at 8 so I relaxed and told myself I would calmly talk to her when she woke up. Well, 630 rolls around and she leaps out of bed, I pretend to just stay asleep for a while, and read her actions. She got ready for work, but today she got dolled up, I mean straightened, shiny hair, perfect make up, some perfume, she looked damn good. She quickly comes up and says goodbye right before 7. I asked her why she was leaving so early, (she works 10 minutes away), she gave me an answer that seemed a little off. So I just let her know that I'm fine she has (guy)friends, just to let me know what she is doing and with who, just so I could make sure she was okay. She agreed, gave me a kiss and went off to work. I sent her a love text, to 1 i got a reply, my next text was completely ignored. I tried calling her, no answer.
This got me worried as hell, it was only 730 or so and she hadnt started working yet. So after staying up all night, I was a little distraught, not thinking straight, I drove to her work. To my surprise, her car was not in the parking lot. I called her a few more times, no answer. Then about 10 minutes until 8, she pulls into the parking lot, that guy in her passenger seat. I didnt know what to think! I was disgusted. So I pulled up next to her, asked her what was going on. The only thing she had to say is " I dont want to do this right now" The guy was just standing there, so I shook his and and introduced myself, asked if I could have a word with just her. He calmly walked away. She just got mad and said they were getting coffee and he missed the bus to work, but it was like as if she had planned this morning all along. She said she had to work and stomped off.
That night she didnt come home until 3 am. Once again my gut would not let me sleep without an answer, and at 3 am, she did not want to talk about it, same work excuse. That night we climbed into bed, she immediately said she was not in the mood to even cuddle. My heart was pounding once again, so I just got up and tried to sleep on the couch. Another night with no sleep. The next morning, same routine, left early, dolled up. I let her go.
She came home after work, packed up a backpack, and left. I tried to catch her at the door, just gently put my hand on her shoulder to get her attention. She looked me in the face with pure evil, started yelling to let her go and stomped out the door. She said we were officially on a break now. Wow. I had never seen this side of her, ever, in 4 years. She stayed out all night, but appeared early in the morning just getting ready. This was just too much for me. I began just pretending to sleep until she left, to prevent conflict.
She began stopping by the house less and less, and for about 4 straight days she stayed at this guys house. My cousin who is also a coworker and good friend with her, claims that they are only friends, Im over reacting, etc.. Making it seem like theres nothing weird about this situation. I didnt buy it.
At this point we had not spoken for 5 days. My mind was always jumping places, that she was cheating on me and just out and left me, not a care of our history. But I kept my outward composure, even though it really broke my heart. I distracted myself for a few days, hung out/stayed with family while I let her gather her thoughts.
After a few days, I came home and she was there. We akwardly danced around eachother, but I met eye contact with her, asked her how she was doing. she sweetly said good and asked about me. etc.. She then began to explain her feelings on the situation, and we talked through all of it. She assured me they were just friends, and looked me straight in the eye, very genuine. I wasnt completely convinced. I thanked her for letting us go on the break, stated I had learned a lot, just to get her attention, she then agreed and said we just need space and time, and even eluded to a future of us being together again. She hugged me and gave me a kiss on the lips. I didnt take that as a for sure, but it made me feel a little better, and somewhat confused. She still says that her and this guy are only friends, but she is hanging out with him because she doesnt really get along with girls and she doesnt know anyone else out here since we just moved. I was skeptical, but felt a little better, and decided to let it all go. We even went to lunch afterward.
We are now deciding to move out of the house and go separate ways for awhile. She is going to get an appartment with my cousin(whom I trust), take care of my cat and other belongings, and I made some soon to come travel plans to be in california and oregon for the rest of June, just to find myself.
In the mean time, I invited her to the mall the other day, just to be able to hang out casually and act like I'm over it already. I'd say I did a good job, we had a good time, I bought her some shoes because she said I owed her money, kinda shallow, but I went with it. Also while she was trying on shoes I went through her texts real quick, saw some suspicious texts about her giving this guy a "long massage" and all his bantering about drama at work. nothing serious though. I tried to act confident despite this, and just seem like I was cool about it. After shopping we got slurpees and just talked a little bit about random things, not the relationship. I brought her to the house, where shortly after arriving, she said she had to leave again. I was fine about it. She gave me a very firm hug, which she would not let go, and then left.
The next night she came home to actually sleep, but refused to be in the same bed with me; said it would be ackward. Even though she wouldnt have a blanket, I offered out of politeness to share a bed with me, no strings attached. She declined sharply. She then brought up that I owed her about $600 and she would need it asap to move into her new apartment (which I found out was in the same complex as this guy). I told her I would when I could. I was pissed again. But I acted calm. I even slept that night.
She still stays late at this guys house and chooses to come home or not. But I dont know if I should really move on, or if I'm just waiting on her to slowly slip away into this loser's arms. I'm almost afraid to do my traveling for the month because I think they will move this friendship to the next level. But at the same time we need a lot of space, we have some still pent up anger that comes out every so often. But I don't want to lose her after a great couple of years, we worked great together.
Some other strange info is that just the week before this all happened, we were looking at our next house, and talking about dream marriages, and she was telling me that she gets hit on at work constantly but she loves me so much that she denies these guys constantly. Nothing is making sense.
Essentially, I would just like an outsider's view of this situation, possibly a girl that may understand what her intentions are, if guys actually do make better friends, or if this is just blatant cheating and I'm a fool not to see it. I have been going over this for days, my heart and mind in a cycle of acceptance, then utter disappointment. I want to move on, but I dont want to let her go if we can still have something. We had amazing chemistry that I have never felt with another girl. I just dont want to make the wrong choice and miss out.
Any insight would be helpful in this situation, I just need some honest opinions, I dont mind being told how it is, I'm so lovesick I may need a few sobering thoughts to set me straight.
Thanks in advance.
Steve
