New to all this and simply can't figure it out or deal with it too much longer...

*sigh*
Alright. I've been looking through the forum, and I know there's a lot of this out there already, but this is mine, so here goes. Sorry if its all the same to you...

I'm 20 years old, male, and a hopeless geek. I admit that freely. I also have the wonder and joy of a mental retardation, namely, Aspergers. I was diagnosed about 2 years ago, and am high functioning. I have other tendencies, but thats the major one. For those of you not in the know, Aspergers is a physiological disorder, mostly to do with social interaction and the identification of consequences and actions. Its hell to live with, even a mild case with mine. I can interpret words, but not the meaning behind them. I can't understands facial tones, or body language. Its hard to deal with people and is, in fact, terrifying. I've learned to cope, but its not easy. It also makes my situation worse.

There's a girl (like you weren't expecting that...). I love her (as far as I can tell). I've loved her for years, possibly since I first met her. I don't know. In any case, its been a long time. Here's the problem: I'm a friend. A good friend, on of the few she has. She's beautiful, smart, funny, nice, and is one of the few people who has ever accepted me for who and what I am. I care for her deeply, yet if I say anything about how I love her, I'll ruin it! The fear of that has prevented me from saying a word. I've played the friend for so long, so many years, when I want to be so much more, but I can't. I've tried going through other people, tried to find out what she thinks about me, if she could possibly care about me, but I've turned up nothing. I can't just ask her (trust me, the mere thought of that stops me cold), since that would be the same as confessing myself to her. I worry that if I ruin it she'll stop seeing me, which wouldn't be good for either of us, since I rarely see anyone else (Certainly no women, I'm not the best looking guy, nor the easiest to be around), and she does value me as a friend, I know that. The thing is, I'm not sure how much longer I can do this, being her friend. I'm so tired of the facade that I'm worried I might break and it might slip out, breaking the wall and ruining everything. I've been doing it so long...

I just need some solid advice. I don't have anyone around me I can really trust to either give me solid advice, or to take me seriously. I've never done anything like this before, so I'm fairly uncomfortable doing it, but its just become too much to cope with on my own. Please, help me out with this, i simply can't see where to go. I don't want to ruin our friendship and hurt her, but I don't know how much longer I can suppress my feelings around her...