The New Priest

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After the mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.” So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

Sip the Vodka, don’t gulp.

Next week, there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peters, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

And last but not least, The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry.”

epic just epic