Paranoia I don't know help!

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09-06-11, 12:15 PM
Fluffycamel

Paranoia I don't know help!

My boyfriend of 1yr and a half we live together and he's taken in my 2yr old.
Ok well this girl started emailing him who he use to talk to ages and ages ago, apparently just now and again (have seen 1 slightly naughty email from past)*
Anyway she emailed him out of the blue a month ago, he told me and I felt a bit like why is she suddenly emailing you? He says now and again she asks how he is. (they've never met)
Well they added each other in Facebook*as he wanted to see what she looked like as for all the years they'd spoke online they hadn't seen each other. He showed me, she's nothing special.*
Well I went on his phone the other day he left it unlocked as he has a code i don't know on it to stop me from snooping he says. So I went into his email saw some emails of her saying she still remembered his voice or something and he was asking for picture of her, she said I'm not sending you a naughty one "lol" and he said obviously not as I wouldn't be happy if I caught my girlfriend sending naughty pics.
It got my back up!
He came back into the room, I left to calm down as I was shaking and a bit nervy and upset especially as I was being sneaky too.
I went back into the living room and said "can I read your emails you and (change name) Jane send"*
Immediately is like why I'm not doing anything got all defensive and he guessed I'd looked on his phone as I had left the email window highlighted. He didn't show me properly, didn't give me the phone just scrolled reading random bits like "hi how are you bla bla bla bla" not telling me properly what was said.
We had a big argument as he says I don't trust him but I just don't like the fact she said I remember your voice! Like what the hell! What is meant to be said to that?! (I can't remember if he replied to that specific thing in the email)
I've been having a horrid gut feeling about them 2 he says she's got a boyfriend and she's not his type just old friends who use to talk online. But they seem to talk all the time!
He was really defensive bringing up that I have male friends I talk to and stuff but then I dont talk secretly if he wanted to read any private Facebook messages he can as I hardly speak privately with any bloke on there!
Anyway he deleted her off Facebook.
As much as he was peed off he deleted her.
I get home from work yesterday and sit at dining room table where his phone is on charge, it lights up saying "Jane has sent you a message in fb"*
So i asked him if she's messaged him see what he said, he says yea why and I tell him I saw it come up.
I ask to see he seems a bit nervy.
He goes on fb and shows he's messaged her "sorry had to delete you off fb my girlfriend got funny even tho it's innocent"*
And she replied something like "oh ok I thought she was ok with it
*good bye =("
I was a but shocked and saddened he's messaged her telling her he had to delete her because of me when he could of left it!
He was pissed off why can't he talk to her and I feel it's not innocent as. I can't see the messages, I want to trust him but I feel she fancies him as he is gorgeous! He says I've disrespected him I'm weird no other Girl *would be like it and he trusts me made me feel bad for doubting etc but I felt also that if there's nothing to hide why can't I read them for myself?!?
Anyway this evening he's been nice saying he loves me millions etc then after a while as it has been playing on my mind so I ask if she's messaged him today, *he got all aggressive and said yea but he didn't read it just deleted it straight away!*And said what if I did message her!
Now he isn't talking to me as he's peed off as i asked after the nice things he said. doesn't want to even go to bed stated he's sleeping in sofa doesn't want to look at me he feels sickened by me for asking.
Why would she message him when he's delete her she knows I don't like it?! I feel like emailing her if I knew her email address!! Although I know her name and profile on fb!*
I dont know what to do or think am I being paranoid or has he something to hide?! How am I meant to feel about it?!?! *Btw we are 24 and him 27*
09-06-11, 12:16 PM
Fluffycamel

Also they've known each other from like 7yrs back and he said ages ago they'd never spoken on phone but obviously have.
09-06-11, 03:06 PM
MerryH

You're being unreasonable. Normally, I would copy and paste some choice sentences of yours to prove my point, but really, that whole post is a good example of you being unreasonable.

Like, you really got mad at him because he de-friended someone on Facebook (at your request) and then when they asked him why, he told them the truth, that you - his girlfriend - didn't like it. That bothered you? But you asked him to do that.

You have no right to tell him who he can be friends with, and you have no right to read his private conversations. Stop snooping in his personal belongings.

If you can't trust him, then break up with him. You'll both be better off.
09-06-11, 04:14 PM
Spring Haze

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Originally Posted by Fluffycamel [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He was really defensive bringing up that I have male friends I talk to and stuff but then I dont talk secretly if he wanted to read any private Facebook messages he can as I hardly speak privately with any bloke on there!

So because you don't "talk secretly," you expect your boyfriend to follow suit? People are allowed to have their own private lives. You seem to desire a codependent relationship where he does and feels the same things you do. And because you disapprove of him talking to females on facebook, you invade his privacy.

Quote:

i asked him if she's messaged him see what he said, he says yea why and I tell him I saw it come up.

So you're testing him. Wise move.

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I felt also that if there's nothing to hide why can't I read them for myself?!?

This isn't black and white. Do you really have no concept of what it means to have a private life, separate from your partner? That is okay. There's nothing wrong with it.
He might be fine having a sane girlfriend read his messages, who wouldn't overanalyze things, and blow things out of proportion. Maybe he's just protecting himself from your neurotic tendencies.

Quote:

Anyway this evening he's been nice saying he loves me millions etc then after a while as it has been playing on my mind so I ask if she's messaged him today, *he got all aggressive and said yea but he didn't read it just deleted it straight away!*And said what if I did message her!
Now he isn't talking to me as he's peed off as i asked after the nice things he said.

So you choose to ruin the mood by voicing your idiotic insecurities as opposed to maintaining it. Is this a joke?

Quote:

doesn't want to even go to bed stated he's sleeping in sofa doesn't want to look at me he feels sickened by me for asking.

You should have been kicked out of bed, and forced to sleep on the couch.

Quote:

Why would she message him when he's delete her she knows I don't like it?! I feel like emailing her if I knew her email address!! Although I know her name and profile on fb!*
I dont know what to do or think am I being paranoid or has he something to hide?! How am I meant to feel about it?!?! *Btw we are 24 and him 27*

How about showing a minute amount of personal accountability. How about trying to get to the bottom of why you're so irrational, and have such a need to control people. You likely can't do that, so at the very least APOLOGIZE. Swallow your pride, and realize you are wrong.