Why most guys fail to get back with thier girlfriends.

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12-06-11, 05:27 AM
Bigboy77

Why most guys fail to get back with thier girlfriends.

It all comes down to your mind set and how you see the break up. A lot of guys will panic, beg, act depressed, act cold, or get angry. None of these things will work and will make you look like a weak man as well as cause you a lot of suffering. Don't self pity yourself or have thoughts like " how could she do this to me!" They won't help.

If you truly loved this girl you have to be cool with letting her go. Go NC under the mindset that your cool with the break up and your letting her live her life. If she contacts you talk to her like shes an old friend and be polite. This is a time for you to get your shit together. Break ups are amazing at motivating you to become a much stronger and better person. focus on your career, your health, etc...

A lot of the time the break up happens because the girl needs to learn a lesson or two and make some mistakes. You have to be cool with this and realize that and let her make those mistakes so that she can see just how great you two really were. It may take months, it may take years, but you have to be alright with it. It's how we learn.

During this time apart you will want to improve yourself as much as possible so that if she does come back after the mistakes, she has an amazing man to come back to. And if she doesnt come back you will definately meet someone else within that time frame.

That's the beauty of it as that there is no answer! You don't know what is going to happen in the future. She might come back or she might not, there's no answer! Drill that in your head! There is no answer for your dilemna! Only time will tell so use time as your ally in improving yourself for the best!
12-06-11, 11:23 AM
motleylou

Very good and helpful insight. My last breakup was really hard on me, I thought she was the one. In the beginning I didn't beg but did try my hardest to express how much I loved her and wanted her back. After the last meet up I played it cool and told her that I was ok with the break up and in the future to never hesitate to call if she wanted to try again, but she's taking the risk that I might not want her back at that point in time. I got the best response from her since the break up by saying that. She said "thanks so much for being so understand, you don't know how much it means to me, and I won't ever hesitate to make that call, Love you always." So it does prove that it is truly the best way to go. It shows that I'm man enough to accept the breakup and potentially move on. We'll see what the future holds.

In the mean time I'm spending time with friends, hitting the gym extra hard and getting my career in order. In that time if I meet some other great girl then that's awesome and if I don't and she comes back then that's great too. I still do miss her tons but realized after my last attempt that NOTHING I said was gonna change her mind at that point in time, and that telling her I accepted the break up was the right and masculine thing to do. We've been broken up for 6 weeks and in no contact for 11 days, so I'll see whats happens, If it's meant to be then I truly do believe that it will happen.
12-06-11, 02:11 PM
confusius

Oh well! I completely failed at it lol. I did all the bad things. I don't want to justify myself, but we lived in the same apartment and that was the hardest thing to do during that time. I just couldn't act cool. The last day of school I returned her stuffs and I told her how much I was going to miss her. And that I didn't only lost a girlfriend but I also lost a best friend. She said it didn't had to be that way. I said I know and that it was just hard. Seriously I went through hell with my ex. Grrr....
Anyway I got home, called her to check if she moved out of the apartment fine, and the day she was going back to her parents' house in Thailand I called her and told her to have a save trip. She said she really appreciated it. Then I told her to call me sometimes and that it will be nice to hear from her from time to time. That was a month ago. She never contacted me and I never contacted her. I acted clingy for TWO months. God! one of the bad period of my life. So although I still miss her a lot, I decided to do my best not to contact her. If she never contact me, I intent to leave it like that. I have done enough.

She knows how I feel about her. I poured my heart out to her many times. "motleylou" said we have got to let them make mistakes sometimes. I agree with that. But it's hard to imagine that she might be kissing a lot of other guys out there. Well there is nothing to do about it.
12-06-11, 07:51 PM
Boisdevie

What a load of complete bullshite. Breakups happen because the relationship isn't working. And no amount of 'trying to improve myself' bullshite will change that.
People break up - end of
12-06-11, 10:46 PM
confusius

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boisdevie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What a load of complete bullshite. Breakups happen because the relationship isn't working. And no amount of 'trying to improve myself' bullshite will change that.
People break up - end of

That's your story and don't generalize. It's kind of like people don't fix their relationships. "Breakups happen because the relationship isn't working" true. So does that mean you cannot fix it? Oh yeah it's not working and yeah that's it? People learn to support and to live with each other. If some people are willing to put effort to make their relationships work then it will never happen. I believe the key to breakups is that one person is willing to put more efforts and make things work then the other.
12-06-11, 11:04 PM
Boisdevie

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusius [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That's your story and don't generalize. It's kind of like people don't fix their relationships. "Breakups happen because the relationship isn't working" true. So does that mean you cannot fix it? Oh yeah it's not working and yeah that's it? People learn to support and to live with each other. If some people are willing to put effort to make their relationships work then it will never happen. I believe the key to breakups is that one person is willing to put more efforts and make things work then the other.

If a relationship is working then it should not be an 'effort' - you should contribute equally. If it's an 'effort' then it really is not worth it. I'm an old git of 47 so discount my opinion if you like but I've been around the block.
12-06-11, 11:16 PM
deepika_16

Well, your viewpoint is quite acceptable to an extent but if we think deeply about the situation then we will surely come to know about the fact why the relation didn't work. Finding the answer of this question may help a lot getting her [URL="http://www.myboyfriendisanidiot.com"]back in your life[/URL] again. Though, the main reason behind such situation is not understanding each other, a mutual understanding can take the relation to a next level. When both of the people in any relation can understand what other wants then i don't see any reason for break up.

Thanks
12-06-11, 11:20 PM
confusius

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boisdevie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If a relationship is working then it should not be an 'effort' - you should contribute equally. If it's an 'effort' then it really is not worth it. I'm an old git of 47 so discount my opinion if you like but I've been around the block.

What I mean it's this. You make it sound like relationships that are working have no flaws. If there is any then it's not working. Anyway I respect the fact that you are 47. But when it comes to human nature and emotions it doesn't matter a bunch. Your experience can help you get through some of the tough relationship problems. But still I don't really think that statement truly holds.
14-06-11, 10:28 AM
flynhayn

I don't know if Bigboy77 has been reading my posts and decided to combine them all and put them here, or he is just a beast at this stuff... but either way, he is spot on.

Boisdevie does have a point, but confusius is right: don't generalize. It's very true that most breakups are the simple result of a failed relationship between 2 people who just don't belong with each other, but there are a lot of situations where it was just bad timing that led to the breakup. I am also a firm believer that when the right person comes along, the effort will be made by both parties to make it happen.... but the right person can sometimes arrive at the wrong time, and may need to break off from you for a little while and grow into someone with the experience to handle things correctly. But these situations ARE RARE and most of the time shouldn't be considered as a reason to stay involved with someone. In any case, you should always shift your focus back to you and better yourself no matter what the breakup was for.