9 years of invested time, is it all for nothing????

So the man I love and have loved for the past 9 years has had enough and wants to move out... I've had the I love you but I'm not in love with you speech, I need to go so that I can make some decisions about my life and decide what I want to do. We have two wonderful kids and it just feels that to me he is wanting to run away from his responsibilities... Dont get me wrong we have both made mistakes in our relationship, I have stopped being able to communicate properly with him as he always seems to be far too busy with everything else going on in his life to worry bout me.... He has left once before and that lasted 5 weeks, but it's seems to me that he only came home cause he missed his kids and didn't like living with his parents and felt guilty, not because he wanted to come back to me... He tells me that things changed when he came back but only for about 3 weeks before they went back to the same old again.... I have brought and started the "Mort Fertel" programme and I'm slowly realising all my faults in what has gone wrong... So I'm hoping that I can fix my problems and re connect with my partner... But can any of you tell me your storys, have your partners gone and come back?? Have you just given up hope or do you still want them to come home.... I need some hope people and I so want to reconnect with my man but some days he just makes it so difficult... Doesn't want to talk to me, let alone the very remote possibility that we might accidently touch fingers while I hand him the tv remote or the dishes etc..... How can I reconnect with him????