Complicated Long Distance conundrum

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20-06-11, 03:32 AM
ColdWorldCoast

Complicated Long Distance conundrum

I've known this girl for nearly 3 years, although the extent of our "relationship" has up until recently never gone past the internet/IMs/Online games. Initially she was a nice person, but over time we both started changing I suppose, and now we hardly ever get a long.

That's the VERY short version, there's a lot of shit in between, but i'll spare you the details.

Anyways, my main problems now are that she's selfish, hypocritical, dismissive, and the relationship between us has always had a underlying secretive and withholding nature to it. We say we "love" each other, and I know that we most definitely do not, but I don't care enough to "break" it off with her for good, as despite all that she does and how it's a problem with the intimacy between us, she's still a nice person to talk to once in awhile.

The best example I can come up with is that she wants me to GIVE GIVE GIVE, and she wants to TAKE TAKE TAKE, without giving anything at all. Nope, I gave her pictures, yeah even nudes, and she liked them, so I asked her for some of her and 4 months later I've got nothing lol.

Now I know what most people are going to say and that is to just leave this bitch and move on, and trust me I've already moved on emotionally and intimately but I still feel like there's something underneath that's worth all the arguments and "talks" we have frequently.

Here's how it goes. I confront her about being selfish and hypocritical as well as dismissive, then she blames me for a bunch of stuff she's blamed me for before, to which I try to establish a mutual level of understanding and communication in order to establish a solution that would work for the both of us; unfortunately shes content to sit there and keep blaming me and accusing me of making her out to be the victim all the time, or accusing me of "playing the victim card" myself....

I don't get how this chicks brain works, can anyone give me a tip that could help me get through to her?.

PS: I try not to make anything I say during our confrontations out to be a personal attack, or offensive, but she doesn't care, it's almost like I'm talking to a brick wall when she locks herself into her way of thinking.

I probably should have put more detail into this as three years is a long time and there's plenty I could say to clarify what the big issues are for me, but I just don't have the patience or the focus right now.

EDIT: I apologize for my poor writing, as well as asking for advice when I didn't take the time to fully explain the whole situation, pretty tall order. Anyways, I'm going to come back to this in a little while and fix it up.
20-06-11, 07:21 AM
TheTooya

I would say, if you want to hold onto the relationship without being in a relationship, you can break up with her but tell yourself (not her) that you want to to stay "friends".

Although, more honestly, if you break it off, it isn't really a good idea to stay "friends", since someone (on one side or another) will still have hope that it will continue.
20-06-11, 05:17 PM
Boisdevie

Jeezus,
do you live on planet earth? You do NOT HAVE A RELATIONSHIP. You are talking to someone who is treating you like shite via the internet. So enjoy the pain and stop complaining to us or END IT. My best advice is END IT NOW
20-06-11, 05:26 PM
Petit Papillon

BD, don't get so irritated everytime you respond to someone . I have the impression you like to insult people who are in long distance relationship. Some problems with LDR ? ;)
20-06-11, 05:29 PM
Petit Papillon

But yeah OP, you're not in relationship. 3 years , I think it's already time to realize that ... I assume you never lived together, you have no mutual friends, you probably don't know each others family... It's not a relationship, all you do is hurt each other . Makes no sense right? Delete her from everywhere and move on. At best to someone in real life.
20-06-11, 06:21 PM
qwertz

I think BD's issue is not with long distance but with internet 'relationships'. Same as me. They are not really. OP just end it.
20-06-11, 08:08 PM
Petit Papillon

No,his issue is with ldr ;) well he can have any issues he wants,he should be just a bit nicer.i observed that each time he thinks that some thread has no sence, he answers in one sentence,but not to give an advice,just to insult,sometimes he's not even pretending to hide that he's rude.
20-06-11, 09:17 PM
Boisdevie

Quote:

Originally Posted by Petit Papillon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

BD, don't get so irritated everytime you respond to someone . I have the impression you like to insult people who are in long distance relationship. Some problems with LDR ? ;)

Look. I had to be in a LDR myself in 2007 for one year. I met my OH in late 2001. I had to work overseas for 2007 but got home once a month for a week in 2007. So I know what a LDR involves and means. But some of these people in LDRs have no real 'relationship' and/or have no end date to when the relationship will become face to face again. I am not irritated - just saddened by people in STUPID LDRs which are going nowhere and would like to knock their heads together.

And as far as I now I did NOT insult anyone in my post. I can understand people disagreeing with my comment but accusing me of being insulting is just a way of trying to close down the discussion - in a similar way to people crying 'racist'.
21-06-11, 02:12 AM
Petit Papillon

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boisdevie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Look. I had to be in a LDR myself in 2007 for one year. I met my OH in late 2001. I had to work overseas for 2007 but got home once a month for a week in 2007. So I know what a LDR involves and means. But some of these people in LDRs have no real 'relationship' and/or have no end date to when the relationship will become face to face again. I am not irritated - just saddened by people in STUPID LDRs which are going nowhere and would like to knock their heads together.

And as far as I now I did NOT insult anyone in my post. I can understand people disagreeing with my comment but accusing me of being insulting is just a way of trying to close down the discussion - in a similar way to people crying 'racist'.

I agree with the first part, I also think some people are living in a fairy tale , but a propos the second part, I think I could find many posts where you were straight rude towards people without giving an advice first. Ok , I sometimes am rude myself too, but it's always first after I see people don't wanna take our good advices in considerations and are here just to brag about their sad life. But anyway, it was just my observation of your person :)