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Is this a bs thought? is there such a thing? A buddy who says he wasn't looking for his wife but found her says it exists, and when you see it, and find it, you immediately know. I think this notion is rather romantic and whimsical.
How will I know when I meet the one, having been in a few relationships?
You'll know when you're with someone because you won't be able to see your future without them in it. They will become something to you that you've never had before. True love is out there. My parents were together for 18 years. They loved each other more than anyone else, except for my siblings and I. And they would have done anything for each other. When I think about them together I know that what they had was real pure love. To this day my dad has trouble dating because he is always looking for someone like my mother and wanting what they had for all that time.
I think love has to be built. The main ingredients ( eg mutual attraction, compatability) need to be there initially and then both couples have to work to build a connection. I don't believe in there only being one person for everyone I think this connection can be built with many people. However both partners need to have respect for each other, compassion, kindness and trust to do so. Love is very complicated and trying to put it into words is very difficult. Once you find the person you WANT to build this intimate connection with I think you have found the one you love.
Let me ask some probing question on what you are saying.Quote:
Originally Posted by pisces25 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
1. What do you mean by compatability? values, hobbies, social levels, religion?
2. How do you define this intimate connection?
There is for sure true love out there. i disagree that you will know immediately but like a previous post said you wont be able to picture your life without them and you will be willing to do things for them that you wouldnt do for others. just my opinion
1. What do you mean by compatability? values, hobbies, social levels, religion?
By this I mean you have to be on the same wavelength and have the same outlook. Like do you both want a family or not too phased? Are you happy to live like a monk but your SO wants the big mansion by the sea? Do you guys place importance on the same things? Do you have a high sex drive but your partner doesnt? As for hobbies I think it helps to enjoy the same things but equally it is healthy to have your own hobbies and have time apart. Again this goes back to having the same outlook. Will you SO get annoyed if you want to spend time with the boys/girls, do they spend time with their friends? etc. Social level I personally don't think this is important but it is for some people. And religion, again, if your faith is important to you and your partner and they differ then there could be some friction.
2. How do you define this intimate connection?
I define this mutual respect. Giving trust to each other. Being honest about everything even stuff from the past if it is somehow impacting on the relationship. Building a healthy sex life, not just in the bedroom but showing affection all the time. Not being afraid to be truthful and having a partner that doesn't make you feel afraid of being truthful. Basically just opening up completely and letting go of fear. Allowing your partner to grow as an individual and allowing the relationship to also grow. Supporting each other's endeavours. Being who you say you are. Treating each other's friends and family with the same respect and kindness you show your partner.
I once heard someone say you should treat your partner in the same way you would treat a stranger. I like that. Stops me taking my partner for granted.
And don't be fooled into thinking relationships are happy and easy all the time. It's a mixture of two different people from two different backgrounds with two different conditionings. The toughest times whilst at the time feel horrible really are necessary to strengthen the bond and connection you are developing.
You won't know because unless you get in to the relationship knowing you don't have strong feelings you will think everyone is the one until the relationship ends somehow. Every teenager thinks their first relationship is true love. My sister has experienced true love a dozen times for up to 2 years at a time. Right until it ends. Maybe after 20 years you can call it true love but sometimes people end up staying together that long just because it's easier than breaking it off to find someone they have stronger feelings with. The definition of love changes with every relationship and true love is a matter of opinion.
I think its an invention for movies, songs, etc. Real life is messier and more complicated.
I think you know that you have a good start to love. You definitely feel that attraction and spark and it goes from there. It's a hard thing to answer because I have thought. Wow you just know, and well here I am on this forum. LOL. I have also heard people that are getting married and are very smitten say they just knew that the person was the one. Then low and behold that couple ends up getting divorced. The bottom line is that unless you are willing to believe that there is hope to meet the one, you probably never will. Even if there is truth to it, doesn't mean it's going to be easy.
I want to hear more from people who have been married for 10+ years. Single people (myself included) don't have a fucking clue what they're talking about.
Well said. I wouldn't start at 10+, I'll take 50+.Quote:
Originally Posted by doppelmakemelol [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
true love is a mixture of attraction, comparability and timing.
all three must be there or it wont work out in the long run.