He won't have sex with me!!!

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23-06-11, 02:51 PM
nativeaustin83

He won't have sex with me!!!

I've been dating my boyfriend for about five months. About three weeks ago he started taking Zoloft for depression and anxiety and it has completely KILLED his sex drive. He used to have a high sex drive and I really enjoyed our sex life. Now, he has absolutely none. I can hardly keep it hard for him for a few seconds. He says Zoloft is the only thing that has worked for him in the past and he can't go back to the doctor because his doctor isn't on his insurance and it's really expensive.

I have a very high sex drive and I'm very attracted to him. I hate laying skin to skin with him and not getting anything but hugs and kisses. It makes it all the worse because I feel so much more desire! I feel like I'm falling in love with him, but I also catch myself fantasizing about other men (and him) constantly. I wouldn't cheat on him, but tonight I texted an old boyfriend and we did some "sexting" and I feel terrible! I don't know what to do, but I feel seriously deprived and the fact that he never wants sex (despite being with me constantly) makes me feel unattractive. It was nice to get some sexual attention via text from my ex, but now I feel really bad! I don't know what to do though! It's fine when I'm single and not have close contact with someone I'm attracted to on a regular basis. Dry spells are okay then. However, when I'm always around him, touching him, kissing him, and being near me it just makes me crazy horny, unlike when I was single.

Anyone ever deal with a problem like this?
23-06-11, 06:23 PM
surfhb

Yeah....it can be a common issue and one that broke up my marriage. You need to talk with him, go to counseling and things need to change. Other than that your relationship cannot go on....simple as that.
23-06-11, 06:51 PM
steviej

Tell him to get his tongue and fingers working and get you off!

If you love him, then you have to show the poor lad some compassion, he's struggling with depression and the medication has killed his sex drive, i'm sure he's not thrilled about this either.
Personally, i think you're being quite selfish, and the text thing with the ex, that just makes you come across as very shallow!
24-06-11, 02:54 AM
rvanodia

i think you like him and you can not date other men. try to make him more horny and then see. find out what will make him more hornier or explore with him. let us know how you will explore :)
24-06-11, 09:50 AM
Gratedwasabi

Sexting another guy is cheating, by the way. You might want to start by revealing that tidbit to him.
24-06-11, 10:01 PM
hello1

Dump him. If you are already texting other guys because of lack of sex you need to get out! don't be a cheat, just leave.
24-06-11, 10:35 PM
VincenzoG91

The cure is worse than the disease. I can't imagine anything more depressing than completely losing interest in sex.
25-06-11, 12:42 AM
DoesntMatter

Get some fuccking self control. You can't go a few months without sex?
25-06-11, 01:02 AM
HeartIsAching

I smell a rat.

Zoloft takes up to 3 weeks to build up in your tissues enough to be effective... So I'm guessing his sex drive has been down for maybe a week, and you're out sexting with other people. Pardon me for taking issue with this.
25-06-11, 01:55 AM
DoesntMatter

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I smell a rat.

Zoloft takes up to 3 weeks to build up in your tissues enough to be effective... So I'm guessing his sex drive has been down for maybe a week, and you're out sexting with other people. Pardon me for taking issue with this.

That's what I was told for a similar drug I started taking about 7 years ago.... however within 2 days I felt it strongly and became an insomniac
25-06-11, 02:35 AM
KingZ

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I smell a rat.

Zoloft takes up to 3 weeks to build up in your tissues enough to be effective... So I'm guessing his sex drive has been down for maybe a week, and you're out sexting with other people. Pardon me for taking issue with this.

Bullshit. "Up to" should be taken more seriously. People typically feel drug effects much sooner than three weeks.
25-06-11, 01:01 PM
doppelgaenger

Everybody listen to Nick. He suffers from chronic depression.
25-06-11, 01:59 PM
Wakeup

I wonder why depressed guys seem to gravitate towards attention whores who NEEEEEED to have a males attention or they'll just die without it. Like "Oh I'm feeling so ugly.. I really must do stupid ass shit with an ex to feel pretty again." Read some books on self-esteem and you'll be able to get over that issue.

That being said, it's not fair that you go without sex for a guy that you've only known for 5 months. This guy has depression. How the **** is he going to handle you cyber cheating on him? Control your own issues and work with the guy on this or if you're not happy then wish him well and kiss him goodbye. Before you say goodbye, get him to ask his doc for a viagra script. Maybe that will help with the Zolof issue. At least get him to call the doctor and see if the dose can be lowered or something.

You doing what you did, OP makes you look desperate and self-esteem issued.
27-06-11, 04:11 PM
Lite

Quote:

Originally Posted by nativeaustin83 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I've been dating my boyfriend for about five months. About three weeks ago he started taking Zoloft for depression and anxiety and it has completely KILLED his sex drive. He used to have a high sex drive and I really enjoyed our sex life. Now, he has absolutely none. I can hardly keep it hard for him for a few seconds. He says Zoloft is the only thing that has worked for him in the past and he can't go back to the doctor because his doctor isn't on his insurance and it's really expensive.

I have a very high sex drive and I'm very attracted to him. I hate laying skin to skin with him and not getting anything but hugs and kisses. It makes it all the worse because I feel so much more desire! I feel like I'm falling in love with him, but I also catch myself fantasizing about other men (and him) constantly. I wouldn't cheat on him, but tonight I texted an old boyfriend and we did some "sexting" and I feel terrible! I don't know what to do, but I feel seriously deprived and the fact that he never wants sex (despite being with me constantly) makes me feel unattractive. It was nice to get some sexual attention via text from my ex, but now I feel really bad! I don't know what to do though! It's fine when I'm single and not have close contact with someone I'm attracted to on a regular basis. Dry spells are okay then. However, when I'm always around him, touching him, kissing him, and being near me it just makes me crazy horny, unlike when I was single.

Anyone ever deal with a problem like this?

I've been so cracked out on Anti-depressants that it was nearly impossible for me to get off. I've always had a pretty high sex drive to begin with, but frankly going for hours and not getting to finish repeatedly was depressing. So, I just kinda mostly stopped. I got tired of women blaming themselves for not getting me off, when really it really was just me and a bad reaction to medication.

Other options for him: Call the doctor's office, explain the situation regarding insurance, and ask if they can phone in a prescription for a lower dose. Sometimes doctors have a sliding price scale and will work with you. There area also health clinics he can go to for help. Now, I'm not a doctor but he might be able to say, cut the pill in half and lower his dose that way. I don't really recommend this, but I tend to cut my xanax pills down so I can take smaller doses.

Your needs are important, and his needs are important. The two of you need to work out how to work around this. As for his depression, if he's not actively talking to a therapist and developing mental tools to work through his problems, then he's simply attempting to medicate a problem that won't go away ever. I know, my wife has clinical depression. I help her with this every day.

Here's the deal. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. You have to take care of your mind, and your body, and it's a cost of living just like food or rent or clothes. It's a part of life and you have to commit to paying the necessary costs to get better.

If he can't meet your needs in the relationship then you need to both do the right thing and find other people. Either you can live with the situation, he can and will change it of his own volition, or you need to break up. There's no real middle ground here, and you're already starting to stray and betray him to meet your needs. It's a pretty good sign that something needs to change and change fast or the relationship is dead.