boyfriend who cheated because he thought it was over

hey everyone,

this is my first time posting and i am really confused so if i could get any advice, that would be great. my bf of 4 years and i are different religions and throughout our relationship, we barely discussed the differences. we would always say that we would fight for each other and all that but when the time came, we decided to break things off because we thought our parents wouldnt accept it and i guess we got scared. we had a discussion about breaking up but i said i still want to be with him for a few more weeks just to get some closure and whatnot. i recently got back together with him because we decided to fight for our love because we both really do love each other, he even came over to my parents house to ask for my hand in marriage. but i found out that a few days after him and i had the discussion about breaking up, he was extremely hurt and vulnerable and called of one of our mutual friends (who was my good friend for 3 yrs) and he basically confided in her that he was really hurt and stuff.. one thing led to another and they kissed but didnt have sex or anything.. but this happened while we were still together, although the relationship was on the verge of ending, we were still together at that time. it just really upsets me that he moved on so extremely fast and that he confided in her rather than me.. he lied to me about this for 5 months (because thats how long we had been broken up for) and finally told me the truth when i continuously asked him questions to get it out of him.. i dont know if i should give him another chance... he says he loves me more than life itself, he learned his lesson, he will do anything for me and only wants to see me happy, will do anything and everything in his power to make me happy, and this was the first mistake he made in 4 yrs... but there were other things that he lied about during the time we were broken up.. he said he just didnt know how to tell me cuz he didnt want to lose me and didnt want to hurt me.. what should i do :( i love him but i dont know if i can trust him..

sorry this is kind of long :( thanks in advance for taking the time to read this

I understand where you are coming from and have had to learn to trust my BF again. It has been difficult but it is getting easier. All I can suggest is if you do love him and he claims to love you then let his actions speak louder than words. Re this he says he loves me more than life itself, he learned his lesson, he will do anything for me and only wants to see me happy, will do anything and everything in his power to make me happy, and this was the first mistake he made in 4 yrs if he will do anything for you then he has to behave in ways which backs this statement up. My BF said something similar and is working very hard to show me how much he loves me so I am starting to trust again as his actions are clear. No need to rush into anything. Take your time building trust again, if he loves you as much as he says he will wait for that trust to build again.

Thank you for the advice.. he has already begun to show me that he is trying to change. she is still completely in love with him but he told her that they cannot talk anymore, even as friends, and he will be avoiding going to the same parties and events as her (as she is in our friends circle). I completely agree with taking things slowly.. i will try to take my time and re-evaluate everything to see if i actually want to give him another chance, and to build up the trust again. Thanks again for the advice! :)

People don't ever really change, you need to understand this right now. He sounds like a bit of an attention whore w/needing to vent to your friend and then kissing her (SURE that's all it was?).

Anyway, so you know going in eyes wide open. You will probably always deal with this aspect of his personality to some extent. That said, everyone has faults. You need to decide which ones you are prepared to tolerate. Good luck.