Should our relationship take a break? Really need advice :(

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25-06-11, 10:06 PM
Jackiee

Should our relationship take a break? Really need advice :(

Hey guys, I'm stuck on what to do with our 7 month relationship..

Nothing is wrong between us, it's rather what's going on with me school-wise that is affecting our relationship negatively. We love each other very much and we get along very well.

The thing is, ever since I started seeing him my grades have dropped significantly. I've tried to study and bring them back up, but it really doesn't seem to be helping. I simply can't stay focused and I keep getting distracted. I'm now coming close to failing from being a straight A student.

I am 17 and my boyfriend is 21. He's had talks with my mum and so he naturally has a lot of stress on him too because of this. He takes my not being able to improve even under the circumstances that could destroy our relationship as me not being serious about him, but I really am and I just can't manage my time properly. He believes himself that it is because of him that I'm failing, and when I say it's my fault he doesn't think so.

It's approaching summer holidays and my new predicted grades are pretty damn horrible (I take IB, so grades are out of 7). My physics went from a 6 in November 2010 to a 3 for June 2011. A whole bunch of my courseworks were done really badly.

Should I tell him I need a break from the relationship? If I do, it may seem nonsensical because summer holidays are in a week but my new predicted grades just came out today, and I just told him about it. Right now he's not replying to me on SMS and I understand he is very disheartened about the bad news. He has been telling me to study hard for 4 months already when he first heard of my dropping grades, but I really hate myself for having the worst time management possible.. I really do.. I'm so afraid of losing him. I still have 5 months to make up for my horrible predicted grades after the summer holiday.

Thanks in advance
25-06-11, 10:18 PM
surfhb

You're only 17....I dont think you really have a choice in the matter. Whats more important? Im over 20 years older than you so I can say youll be guaranteed to be disappointing with yourself if you fail and keep this guy around. If he truly loves you, he will understand.
25-06-11, 10:23 PM
Jackiee

Quote:

Originally Posted by surfhb [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You're only 17....I dont think you really have a choice in the matter. Whats more important? Im over 20 years older than you so I can say youll be guaranteed to be disappointing with yourself if you fail and keep this guy around. If he truly loves you, he will understand.

Thanks for the reply! Should I tell him I need a break after the summer holiday, let him know right now that I will need one before the next term starts, or start the break right now?

He has said before that he's not going anywhere though, which I suppose is him saying that his feelings won't change (I hope).

I should give it another go over the summer holiday at time management, though.
25-06-11, 11:09 PM
LoveYou

Why did your grades get so horrible? Was it because of him or you? if it was him, then yes you may need a break/ or talk to him about it and find a way.... if no, then you should talk with yourself about what really happend with your grades? You need to make time for you and not just for your bf. Make a schedule about your homeworks and do them in time :)
26-06-11, 12:17 AM
Wakeup

Why are you blaming your boyfriend for your lack of scheduling and being able to do the course work? He's telling you to study and take the time you need so why is this his fault? Why do you need to "take a break" if he's not even asking to take up your time. How is he taking away from your schedule?

Go visit your uni's guidance councelor and get her/him to help you with your case load. It sounds to me like you've taken too much on and you're looking for someone to blame so you don't feel as bad that your unable to accomplish. Now, if you no longer want him as your boyfriend then that is a completely different matter.

IMO: You don't take a break from a relationship you either break up if you can't resolve something or you remain in the relationship while you resolve it. "Taking a break" leaves you both in limbo, stressed and it's unfair to the one who didn't ask for it.
26-06-11, 02:49 AM
reeba

You need to get rid of him now so you have the summer break to recover. You think you are distracted now. Wait till you two seperate and all you think about the 'what ifs'.
26-06-11, 02:57 AM
Rhainnonxx

idk thats hard, i would say just stay together but have the will power to not see him until you get your grades up. i had the same problem with my ex, he actually helped me alot by saying he wouldnt see me until my graqdes pulled up and if i did he would take me to m favorite restraunt ahaha.
26-06-11, 09:36 AM
Jackiee

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Why are you blaming your boyfriend for your lack of scheduling and being able to do the course work? He's telling you to study and take the time you need so why is this his fault? Why do you need to "take a break" if he's not even asking to take up your time. How is he taking away from your schedule?

Go visit your uni's guidance councelor and get her/him to help you with your case load. It sounds to me like you've taken too much on and you're looking for someone to blame so you don't feel as bad that your unable to accomplish. Now, if you no longer want him as your boyfriend then that is a completely different matter.

IMO: You don't take a break from a relationship you either break up if you can't resolve something or you remain in the relationship while you resolve it. "Taking a break" leaves you both in limbo, stressed and it's unfair to the one who didn't ask for it.

When did I say it was his fault? I stated clearly that I'm telling him it's not his fault. It's my own for not being able to manage my time and I believe I did articulate that a few times throughout my post. It really feels like you're trying to make me feel worse about the situation than try to help, even if it's not your intention.. Also, it's not that I'm unable to accomplish. I said I went from straight A before knowing him to failing. That's a big leap into the gutter. I've never been failing or even near failing ever before, so obviously my grades must be linked SOMEHOW to him. Thank you for your opinion though.

I called my boyfriend earlier and we decided that we should just talk a lot less next term so I can focus, he's starting his new job too so that will coincide with my need to study.
26-06-11, 09:39 AM
Jackiee

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveYou [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Why did your grades get so horrible? Was it because of him or you? if it was him, then yes you may need a break/ or talk to him about it and find a way.... if no, then you should talk with yourself about what really happend with your grades? You need to make time for you and not just for your bf. Make a schedule about your homeworks and do them in time :)

Well it's not because of him being ignorant to my grades, but I am getting distracted because of him haha. He knows I need to study but I keep losing focus and a lot of it is because I want to talk to him or be with him. So technically it is my fault and I need to bring my urges under control somehow.
26-06-11, 01:00 PM
Wakeup

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jackiee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

When did I say it was his fault? I stated clearly that I'm telling him it's not his fault. It's my own for not being able to manage my time and I believe I did articulate that a few times throughout my post. It really feels like you're trying to make me feel worse about the situation than try to help, even if it's not your intention.. Also, it's not that I'm unable to accomplish. I said I went from straight A before knowing him to failing. That's a big leap into the gutter. I've never been failing or even near failing ever before, so obviously my grades must be linked SOMEHOW to him. Thank you for your opinion though.

I called my boyfriend earlier and we decided that we should just talk a lot less next term so I can focus, he's starting his new job too so that will coincide with my need to study.

The reason I asked why you're blaming your boyfriend is because you'd be punishing him for your lack of dicipline if you were to make him go into the angst inducing limbo of a "relationship break" No need to defend yourself, it was quite clear that you were/are the one that needs to do what ya gotta do and not punish your bf for what you're not doing... sorry. Hopefully you know your priorities now and can keep yourself afloat at school.

*snipped*

Best of luck with it all.