Mind won't let me move on
It has been just over a month since my ex decided to break it off with me for good. As anyone who has read any of my other posts about it may know that we had taken a "break" and were about a month into it. I thought things were moving in the right direction with the last piece of the puzzle missing was that I needed to get another job so I would be happier in life in general. Through that time she was checking out of the relationship though, and securing another relationship before she cut the strings.
It's been a month and I've been through every stage of the mourning cycle even grasping acceptance a couple of times only to have it slip from my grasp... I never know how I'm going to feel on certain days. The beginning of last week I was desperate to try to talk her to coming back to me... when her relationship with the new guy inevitably ends. By weeks end I was realizing all the crappy things she said and did to me and could actually go periods of time without thinking of her.
But the weekends seem to mentally reboot my yearning for her. I don't know if it's just that we would text non-stop through the weekends, or we were spending every free second we had with each other. I try to fill my weekends trying to do things that she and I didn't share but my mind keeps going back to our relationship. I wake up in the morning am immediately my first thought (even before I've had a chance to open my eyes) are of her. I know that she just wasn't good for me, and if she ever came back I'd point her in the other direction, but I can't seem to stop thinking of her. So I don't know if I'd trust myself to even do that. I know one reason that I'm having such a hard time letting go though. When she broke it off with me I felt she was making a mistake and my biggest fear was that she would realize it too late after my heart had moved on so on some subconscious level (or even consciously) I am still holding out for her to come back to me. Even if I don't want her...? I don't even know if that makes any sense.
Anyway just down about it all this morning. Thanks for reading...