Some issues need insight. VERY APPRECIATED <3

Hey guys, a few months ago I had this issue with my ex where everything went wrong and escalated when I tried to help in a very serious matter. I've now come to the conclusion that I did the right thing, for the right reasons only for the wrong girl. She broke contact with me after that and I havent heard from her in months. With now the big problem: she called me yesterday when I was on a dance festival. But she did not call me on my birthday a few days ago.

Im asking you guys what I should do? she hurt my feelings and the time with her was pretty destructive and emotionally heavy. But I love her dearly but i'm not sure if it's the best idea for myself to get back in touch im not sure if I can handle it. Or on the other side she might be ready now and not act like a retard and actually give a damn about me.



On a better note I met a girl like years ago and I have no clue how I got her on IM etc, but yesterday we met up at a the festival she's really beautiful and she seemed to be interested in me, she was touching my arm and chest and touched well... my rear more than once but she has a guy she's seeing and he arrived later, I knew he was gonna be there too and when I saw him I was kinda shocked because he looked really old like atleast twice her age. Nonetheless I introduced myself but I found him annoying because he acted like half her age. (He might be very nice and good for her I dont know).

So I just cracked some jokes etc and she seemed to enjoy that but i'm not really sure what to think of it, I've texted her that i'd love to see her again and that I had a great time but she replies pretty slow, and i'm not sure how to handle this other guy thing, because when I saw them make out (his iniative) I got kinda ticked off and I gave her less attention but my friends told me she was looking at me the whole time and smiling but I kinda slightly turned my side towards her so didn't have to be confronted with her kissing the other guy. Although I did notice when I had to leave she asked me to stay but I couldnt so I took off but I turned my head to her like twice whilst walking away and both times she was looking at me.

obviously I like her, and I want to get to know her better and take it really slow because my ex truly busted my balls in my last relationship so I myself have trust issues and find it very hard to love someone.


Could you guys give me advice in both issues?

Ditch the ex forever. Your love will never stop her from being a bitch. Secondly, this other girl is a cheat, and is bad news...she's will suck you in and spit you out like a bad taste in her mouth.....stop being so niave. Both are bad situations and should be avoided.

You find it hard to trust someone but you're contemplating pursuing someone already in a relationship. Is that why you have a hard time trusting because you yourself are untrustworthy?

I'm with Smackie on this one... stay away from both of them. One is history the other is just plain bad news.

The real question here is: why do you find yourself attracted to girls who are problematic and who will obviously lead you to immense pain? There are many girls out there who are entirely single, have strong integrity, and who are secure enough to actually care about someone else (rather than what that person gives them, which is what these two girls care about). Do you ever wonder why you aren't attracted to those types of girls?

When we find ourselves being attracted to the hotter, more exciting, yet obviously problematic types of partners, it usually means we ourselves have some personal issues going on. It's possible that you don't like emotionally stable and available women because you are afraid of deep relationships. It could be insecurity - you don't want the type of girl who is actually going to care about you, because you don't care about yourself enough, and it makes you uneasy when someone truly cares about you. It could be selfishness - you don't really want to care about another person and sacrifice for them, rather you want a person to make you feel more complete or fill some other desire you have (sex, drama, image, etc). Maybe you have some deep inner demons that you are afraid to face, and a dramatic and problematic relationship is a way to escape those greater demons by dealing with the different kind of demons. Maybe you are addicted to getting hurt and abused - abuse and mistreatment often help us to identify ourselves as a sort of victim or martyr. The victim/martyr identity allows us to sulk and feel sorry for ourselves, instead of having to face our demons directly.

I would recommend seeing a counselor. Tell the counselor about your childhood and what your parents were like, and you may be able to figure out why you are compelled to chase problematic women. In addition, if you have any sort of religious background, I would figure out where you stand with your higher power and seek to grow closer to it - you will be doomed to repeat these experiences until you access the spiritual level.

But of course, this advice is only useful if you truly want the suffering to end. Be very honset with yourself and take responsibility for your decisions - even if those decisions are to keep the pain going by chasing after these problematic women.

Lol, im not going to visit a councellor because there is nothing wrong with me, I grew up in a good, honest and hard working family and i've worked hard and alot myself.

I dont have relationships very often and the ones I did have ended up me being cheated on because my friends couldn't handle that my girl was hotter than theirs so they always chased my girls behind my back even after my relationships with the girls, I've also never been in a serious mature relationship because my last ''serious'' relationship was 2 years ago. So im older and so are the girls.

The very thing I want is a stable relationship, go out to dinner with eachother have fun and spend time. I just have a hard time finding a girl that likes that because with my ex I invited her to do these things she just blew me off. my ex was also one of my best friends for 5 years.

I myself am trustworthy I know this for a fact because im different than other people, If i wasn't trust worthy I would have gone for a kiss with the girl that already has a guy but it's a feeling I have in my stomach that knows how its like to being cheated on so I didn't do anything that crossed the line.

I really appreciate you guys giving comments and critizism and I'd like to hear more thoughts !

Why do you deny that you're being untrustworthy? You admit that you want to get to know her better but "take it slow" when you know she is already in a relationship.. you also admit that you like her so your intent is to horn in on her boyfriends territory but you deny to yourself that intent.

Quote:

---

obviously I like her, and I want to get to know her better and take it really slow

---

Why would you even be interested in a girl that obviously has no relationship boundaries if she touched your ass more than once as well as your chest and flirted outrageously with you. She is the type of girl that will screw your pals behind your back. Do you not see that you have a pattern of picking woman who have no respect for their relationship, that have no relationship boundaries in place and therefore will likely fall to temptation if her flirting is being returned?

Your picker is broken. Look within to fix that.

First off, if you visit a counselor it doesn't automatically mean that there is something wrong with you. Just that you would like to talk to someone to help sort through your emotions and thoughts.

Second, I agree that neither of these girls appears to be a good fit for you. There is a reason things with girl #1 didn't work out and girl #2 is unavailable. I would suggest expanding your possibilities of romantic partners.

Good luck.

Obviously you are both right on some points , but Wakeup with getting to know her better and take it really slow doesnt instantly mean I want to start something with her, on the contrary. With her being in a relationship or involvement if you will makes me want her less instead of me wanting her more.

She's been looking for contact with me like a while ago on IM and i've kept everything platonic and I will keep it that way until I get some green lights, currently they are red. I can also assure you that should she visit me or something or come on to me with the intention of kissing me NOTHING will happen because i've set this mentality up a while ago I don't want another drama situation like that with my ex thats why i'm trustworthy i know how it feels like to be cheated on and I don't even wish this to my worst enemy.

Also Devon, I know you mean it well but im not into the counselor thing everyone has demons inside I have them too but i'm not comfortable with sharing those with other people I hardly know.

In reply to SplendidGray: lol i am by all means not addicted to abuse, lol and im not looking for succes in spiritual ways but more in romantic ways.

On a different note bear with my that my native tongue isnt English ;p so my intentions may be typed differently i dont really know how to explain :P

Thanks again for all the advice ! everything is welcome and more comments and critisizm is appreciated ofcourse :) except for the i like being abused and mistreated thats just bullcrap :P

I don't know who you're trying to kid... us or yourself. You're entertaining being with and doing things with a girl that is currently in another relationship. You've confessed to liking her yet you fail to see that continuing getting to know her will likely turn into you liking her even more as she strokes your ego with touching/flirting/corresponding and disrespects her current relationship. You fail to see that she is poor relationship material because she entertains men outside of her primary relationship, feels other ments asses and blatantely (in your discription) tries to make you jealous.

Any man who has been cheated on twice before should know that this girl is NOT the type of girl you should be pursuing or even getting to slowly know when you know within that you like her in a romantic way. She's bad news for someone who has been cheated on twice her demenour and inappropriate behaviour for a woman in a relationship would drive you to mis-trust her, undoubtedly.

Argue with me all you want but it's quite clear from where I sit and I wonder why you are missing the obvious and justifying and denying in every post you reply to.

My advice once again.
Stay away from the ex... she's an ex for a reason and it's more than likely that the reason why you broke up in the first place have not changed.
Stay away from the new girl because she is not the ideal person for you to be getting to know. If she'll flirt and cheat with you it's more likely than not that she'll flirt and cheat on you as well. Your common sense should not be telling you to get to know her slowly but rather to stay away completely...