Tips on breaking up?

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06-07-11, 06:45 AM
warriormaiden

Tips on breaking up?

I've been dating this guy for four, maybe five months, and I'm ready to move on.

Not that he's not a nice guy, he's an excellent boyfriend to have. But he is suffering with some disabilities (as in, he can not stand to be touched, can't physically listen to music, and the like) that I'm not sure I can.......get along with. And when I think about the future, and how our lives would be, it would be very difficult and I'm not sure I could handle it.

He has helped me in so many ways, they are limitless, and I really do not want to lose him as a friend. I haven't had much luck when it comes to breaking up with someone (usually ends with me screaming at the man) and I was wondering is there a more sensitive way I could go about this, without losing him.
06-07-11, 06:49 AM
Rabbitt

Not really sure but if he remains your ''friend'' can you ignore romantic feelings you have for him?
06-07-11, 06:50 AM
warriormaiden

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rabbitt [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Not really sure but if he remains your ''friend'' can you ignore romantic feelings you have for him?

Yes. I feel myself leaning more towards friendship, anyways. I don't know about him, though.
06-07-11, 07:27 AM
qwertz

So you used him to help you then 'suddenly' realise you cant be with a guy with those disabilities. Nice.
06-07-11, 07:30 AM
warriormaiden

Quote:

Originally Posted by qwertz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So you used him to help you then 'suddenly' realise you cant be with a guy with those disabilities. Nice.

I did not use him. When I met him, I didn't know he suffered with any of that. And then after we started dating, he started talking about it, and I was fine with it. He's a brilliant person, very smart, very quick. But just the other day, he told me that just kissing him, hurts. That he only suffers my embraces and kisses and touches, because I'm his girlfriend, but really, he's in physical pain for hours after I've touched him. I don't know if I could be with someone forever, and not be able to TOUCH them.
06-07-11, 07:39 AM
Sonrisa

that makes no sense to me
06-07-11, 07:41 AM
warriormaiden

How does it not make any sense to you?
I'm not an overly emotional person, but I would like to hold my lover's hand or kiss them every once and awhile.
06-07-11, 07:52 AM
Sonrisa

Quote:

Originally Posted by warriormaiden [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

How does it not make any sense to you?
I'm not an overly emotional person, but I would like to hold my lover's hand or kiss them every once and awhile.

what's his condition?
06-07-11, 07:53 AM
MerryH

You have to be prepared to lose him as a friend. Any attempts that you might make to keep him in your life would be kind of selfish.

All you can do is say, "I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me anymore. I'd like to remain friends, but I understand if that's not something you want right now. I'll leave any further contact up to you."
06-07-11, 07:58 AM
warriormaiden

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sonrisa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

what's his condition?

He has NLD, and some other sensory/learning disability stuff. He can't be touched, he can't listen to certain sounds (like we can't go to the movies, or a concert, or be around playgrounds with lots of children, or watch 3d movie at home) He sees a psychologist, and he has a tendency of falling in to these very dark moods, which will inspire panic attacks, that could last for quite a long time. It could be triggered by simple things like, knowing he has a test, or worried over talking to his parents about a particular topic that may be stressful for him. He has called me many of times, in tears, because he just ran out of his class in a mad panic.
He's on a BOATLOAD of medication, some really strong stuff, and I'm concerned about him taking all of those pills.
06-07-11, 08:16 AM
Cerby

You can never expect to have your cake and eat it too sadly. If you choose to break up with him, he may choose not to be your friend. If this is the case, you have no options, if he really cares for you he will need to be away from you to recover.

You should end it because that is how you feel, and you should also leave him alone after you end it to prevent further damage to him by your desire to continue using him.
06-07-11, 08:18 AM
DarkHelmet82

i agree with Cerby... telling him you want to be friends is shitty... you may want it but will realize that it WONT work
06-07-11, 08:21 AM
Sonrisa

did you not know about any of it when you got involved?
06-07-11, 08:35 AM
warriormaiden

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkHelmet82 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i agree with Cerby... telling him you want to be friends is shitty... you may want it but will realize that it WONT work

I don't want to tell him about the friendship thing WHILE I'm breaking up with him, I just would like to leave the door open for it, until he has moved on and has become ok about it. I really do enjoy his company, I just don't think we're working out as a couple, because we are restricted. There's sooo many things I want to do with him, but can't. I don't want him to hate me, and think that I just used him or something.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sonrisa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

did you not know about any of it when you got involved?

He told me had NLD when we were beginning to get to know each other more romantically, but he didn't tell me about all the other stuff until about 2 or 3 months in, and just how much it effects his life.