Think I'm going crazy....

Hey guy, I'm new here. I hope I can get some good advice here.

I went out with this girl for over 2 years. We loved each other alot but it didn't last. Its been almost a year since we broke up. Not a month later I found out she had a crush on some guy (which never developed into anything really). Nevertheless, to see her get along like that so soon made me feel like sh*t, as if our relationship meant nothing to her. We had a few fights but never completely cutt off each other from our lives. I was there for her whenever she needed someone to talk to and so was she. We talked like 'friends' on and off. I really care about her. I think I still have feelings for her. But we both know theres no way we can get back together. And thats fine by me.

Few months ago I sent her a text saying Hi. She didn't reply. I checked my email a week later (don't check it that often) and she had replied there, telling me how she was wondering to get in touch with me and all that, how shes busy with her studies and so on. Stuff like that. I was on a friends computer so I didn't reply right away. ~2 months passed, I got caught in some serious family problems, along with my own studies and work. I never got a chance to reply back to her. Couple of days ago I thought I'd call her and explain her the situation and apologize. She hung up the phone when she realized it was me. Told me she didn't ever wanted to talk to me again. I emailed her and told her everything. I'm not even sure if she can read it, maybe she has blocked me now. I'm not on Facebook so email and cellphone was our only mode of communication. She just wanted me out of her life. Who knows how long shes been feeling that way and she just doesn't care about all this anymore. Maybe she found someone else now, I don't know.

All of a sudden I feel like shit now. I've lost interest in everything I do. I don't feel like eating... I feel staying in bed the whole day. I pretend everythings fine around friends and family...but it isn't. I feel a bit better when I'm handing out with my friends but thats temporary.

I don't even wana get back with her. But I can't seem to completely let go of her either. It was nice just being part of her life and catch up from time to time. I'm sure she felt the same way at the time. Right now I feel the only thing that would make me happy is us talking to each other. Either that or I just wana get her out of my head so I can move on. Clearly she wants me out of her life and I can't force anything upon her now. If thats what she wants, then I have to respect that. But I don't want her to hate me either, esp over something like this. Its been far too long and I didn't expect things to affect me in this manner. ARrghh.. I hate feeling like this :(

You are a nice person and I admire your thoughts. I really want you to be happy. I would like to suggest you something. I respect your love to [URL="http://www.myboyisanidiot.com"]your loved one[/URL]. Still you have your own life and have to go far away, if people can't be with you than you should go ahead. I mean to say, if someone is happy without you so can you. You should forget the sh*ts of past and keep the happy moments in mind. It will make you smile when you remind. So move forward my friend and get the better right out there. Just think cool make it affects in life. Good luck.

Thank you for the kind words deepika_16. I know ultimately I'd have to do what you're saying....forget about it and move on. I'm trying to do that.

But its easier said than done. We wouldn't talk to each other for months and I'd be fine. Because I knew if either of us made contact, we'd talk for a while and catch up. Thats all I really wanted. I feel its my fault I pushed her away and even lost that connection with her :(

I don't know if shes being revengeful, or she doesn't care about me or if she can't talk to me because she has started seeing someone else. I'd feel A LOT better if I KNEW what was going on. But she refuses to talk to me.