Dumped now in limbo. What should I do?

:upset:

Hey all. I'm new here. I'm an absolute mess and hope somebody can say something to make me feel better.

I have been with my GF for 2.5years and we were so unbelievably in love. We couldn't ever be apart or not speak to each other. Towards the end things weren't as good as they were, we argued over petty stuff (she sulked about petty stuff) which in turn frustrated me. We would always sort it out though.

One night she was out with friends and not really replying to any of my texts and I felt something was up. The next day she phoned me asking to meet and "talk" which was a bit random so I asked her to tell me rather than wait;
"I want to end things. I haven't been happy for a while. I had fun with friends last night etc etc" so I accepted this but felt there was something she wasn't telling me. Eventually after phoning her she admitted she had to end it because she kissed somebody when she was drunk (have had this confirmed and it went no further). Obviously I was absolutely devastated. Within a few days we were back together but it obviously wasn't great. I'd lost my trust in her but love her so so much. True love can forgive.

We plodded along uncomfortably then she came and said we should finish things. Devastated for the 2nd time, I went out with my pals on the rebound but failing as I was so miserable. I received a text message from her saying somebody told her I was seen going home with some girl and she now knew how I felt after her cheating (the person who told her was lying). The thought of me doing this made her physically sick and she went a bit mental. Within 2 days we had met again and were kissing and cuddling like it was in the beginning. We do both really love each other. We weren't back together but it was good. We discussed starting from the beggining and how we should have time apart to decide what we wanted. I knew what I wanted and she couldn't be away from me so we didn't do this. She stayed one night and we had a petty argument which made her decide to have a week of no contact (currently on day 2) for her to decide if she wants to be with me or not.

So now I'm waiting around like a mug for her decision. Ive spoke with her friends and her sister who say her head is all over the place but she still loves me. I cant eat and I just cry and throw up. It's the worst feeling ever as I love her so much. I just want to phone her but I know it wouldn't help. I really want to know how different she feels today etc but it wont help.. So I'm stuck here in limbo, miserable and losing weight from not eating, waiting until Friday for her 'decision'.

This is absolutely horrendous. :(

I know time is a healer but right now I want to curl up and die (not literally)

Try taking a bit of the power back from her... Go NC yourself. Ignore future messages from her, for a while, and see how you feel about things once the dust has settled a bit.

She just text me.

"Hey chris hope ur doing ok. just want u to know that this is SO hard for me also but i need to do this. If i dont we'll never make a decision. Its ok not to text back, Take care and will speak to u on friday. Try be strong and keep busy. I'll take u out friday night if u want. Sorry if u think the meal is a bad idea xxx"

Wtf?! So even if she decides she doesnt want to be with me she'll take me for a meal?!!
Should I reply? Or NC?

Space thing or waiting for a desicision but look at it this way if it was going to end bad for you why wud she want to make plans for a meal wouldnt make sense to me plus she contacted you first that shows she still cares and obviously finding no contact difficult for her self as well so balls in your court you can reply and sort of say ditto and meal is a good idea or you can try hold out but you dont wana come across as to passive

my situation is my gf said she wants space now after lots happeened but i know this is different because she just keeping her options open because like mentioned ive been consistent door mat for her but your mate sounds promosing so dont let it get to you

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lostsheep123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Space thing or waiting for a desicision but look at it this way if it was going to end bad for you why wud she want to make plans for a meal wouldnt make sense to me plus she contacted you first that shows she still cares and obviously finding no contact difficult for her self as well so balls in your court you can reply and sort of say ditto and meal is a good idea or you can try hold out but you dont wana come across as to passive

my situation is my gf said she wants space now after lots happeened but i know this is different because she just keeping her options open because like mentioned ive been consistent door mat for her but your mate sounds promosing so dont let it get to you

---

But she would probably expect me to have a meal with her even if it was the last one. She's mentioned before that if we broke up she would want us to be friends even though I 100% wouldn't. It would be a clean break. I know she cares about me it's just about he deciding if she want's to be in a relationship with me.
If I was to reply I'd have no idea what to say. Any suggestions or keep it NC?! Help.

Hope things work out for you mate.

Keep it NC. She needs space and if you do not give it to her, she will always have this doubt in her mind and it will end badly again in the future. Give her space. Let her realise that you are all she wants. If she doesn't realise it, it would have ended in divorce ten years down the line!

NC, keep busy, take her back when you know she's genuine about coming back for good.

Sounds like you guys do need a little space on both sides. That petty fighting and then kissing someone else.. ugh.

I think it was nice that she texted you to say NC is hard for her, too. She left it totally open and kind-- telling you to text back or not, up to you. When you love someone you don't want to hurt them, you want to comfort them. Maybe a little kindness with some space would go a long way to get you back on track. If you want to, text her back just thank her for reaching out. That way, it's like she did something nice and you appreciated it. You didn't start chasing her or pledge undying devotion.

Well all else fails, get back to basics-- human kindness. Just my opinion.

I'd go out with her on Friday. She clearly wasn't needing a response from you so leave it at NC for now. She needs the time to work out whatever through this week and still seems to want to be with you. Spend this week as if you were given a pass to be single. I'm not saying go out and make out with random women, but hang out with your friends and do things that your ex wasn't really into. It doesn't sound like it's completely over with you and I think pleading and trying desperately to get her back through phone calls or text will just push her further away.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by OmnicronPercei8 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'd go out with her on Friday. She clearly wasn't needing a response from you so leave it at NC for now. She needs the time to work out whatever through this week and still seems to want to be with you. Spend this week as if you were given a pass to be single. I'm not saying go out and make out with random women, but hang out with your friends and do things that your ex wasn't really into. It doesn't sound like it's completely over with you and I think pleading and trying desperately to get her back through phone calls or text will just push her further away.

---

This is good advice.....

Take it from someone that is in your shoes. I just got out of a 4 year relationship because he "didn't know what he wanted" ..my words..not his. I know he still cares for me..but I'm constantly there. I will text him or see whats going on with him. So there really wasn't any space or time for him to figure it out given. We talk fairly consistently....he calls me at least once a week. So here's my advice....don't text her back...give her what she's asking for. If you don't....I promise you'll still be having this conversation 4 months down the road. I know its SO much easier said than done..but not talking to her will help. It's so twisted but when you feel like you are being rejected or shut out...you tend to want to cling and hold on more. It's so backwards...so use that to your advantage. Clearly I can't even follow my own advice..but it will work. If she decides it isn't going to work out, well you've already started the moving on process. Good luck!

I think it seems she wants to end the relationship but doesn't know how to be without you. It is quite common to keep breaking up and running back in that first week when emotions are running high. Sorry to sound negative but I feel the r/ship has already come to an end and even if you did reconcile the r/ship won't be the same as before and will probably continue to follow the same pattern.

I wrote back to her saying a meal would be a bad idea if I didn't know what was happening between us. She replied saying;
"...I'm sorry for putting you through this (the break), I've really not been happy. I've realised time apart isn't really going to get us anywhere but I'm really glad I tried. I was wondering if you would like to go on a date with me tomorrow night? Let me know what you think? xxx"

I woke at 6am and wrote back saying yes I would like to do that obviously. She replied suggesting a restaurant so I asked what she was doing up at this time?
"I didn't put my phone on silent as I wanted to get your text. Away back to sleep now xxx"

This must be positive unless I'm a complete mug?! It's been 3 days and she wants to do this?

I guess only time will tell. Has she said why she wasn't happy in the r/ship?

I've been through something very similiar, ideally you should have waited until friday but thats past now.
Things NEED to change unless you want this to repeat again and again.
Take time now to think what needs to be different and HOW you're going to change it. Meet up with her and be confident and assertive.
She has to see that you're taking this seriously, no being needy & clingy!