Help!! Need advice before July 15th!!!!
Hello everyone! So I need some advice! My boyfriend of 8 months and I are "forced" to move together (been looking for almost 3 weeks now.)
Long story short.... his mom hates me. He is a 20 year old college student and she was paying his way 100% school, rent, food, insurance, etc... at least until I came along. Beginning July 15th he is out on his own. She is no longer supporting him, not paying for his food, his school, insurance, rent, etc... So this has left him in a pickle. He has two options. One, he can go back home which is all the way in Thousand Oaks, California (note, I live in Orange, California, which is a big distance apart) or option two, he and I can move in together, sharing half the costs of the abode. Option one, his mom would fully support him again and he would get the opportunity to transfer to a great school up there, with the ease and satisfaction of never having to worry about money ever being an issue. The downside to option one is he would hardly ever get to see me. However, with option two, he would be able to be in a happy relationship with the woman he cares for, spend every day with her, but he would unfortunately be struggling with bills and struggling to get by just to survive with her. LET ME PUT INTO THE PICTURE THAT... HE HAS ALREADY CHOSEN OPTION TWO, this is why he is out of the apartment his mom is paying for him, on July 15th...... however, it is never too late for him to choose option one.
My issues are these:
I'm not ready for this commitment. I'm not ready financially, nor am I ready to commit fully 100% with the big step of, "moving in." It's a lot to take in and everything is moving so quickly. I don't want to become a misguided couple that went wrong, simply because they moved in too quickly. This decision of his moms happened overnight and he was lucky enough to convince her to give a 2 week extension! ...but now the days are coming closer to that big date and I don't know what to do... I thought I was ready, but after many ponderings over the past few weeks, I know I truly am not ready. It's only a few days until July 15th. It is not too late for him to choose option one. However, I am genuinely and deeply in love with him, that I don't want him to choose option one. I do not want to part ways with him, I want to be with him. So that is why I continued on with Option Two for so long, but I simply just... cannot afford rent!! And I don't want to move somewhere knowing I can't afford it. However, if he goes back home, I'll be utterly upset, because I will not be able to see him. I also don't want to have to worry about the fact that hes many, many miles away and who knows who he is with, or who knows if he may soon grow bored of me simply because he isn't seeing me every day... I would have to worry about his mom constantly attempting to convince him that "she's no good for you ... you can do better" and her telling him not to be with me, because that's what she does. She once tried to convince him to cheat on me!! (which he didn't) And his mom is really good at convincing, so who knows if one day he might take her cruel, manipulating advice? I don't want to have to worry about his mom standing in the way any time I would want to see him. This distance apart would also limit the times him and I see each other. The idealism we once had would diminish greatly from seeing each other every day, to seeing each other a few times out of the month. In my opinion, long distance relationships never work, and this is a huge concern of mine. My concerns about the second option aka me moving in is mainly to do with money problems, worrying that I may not be able to handle the stress and obligation that comes with paying rent. I currently am living rent-free with my dad. I am on unemployment and that only goes so far. I am so worried that I may not be able to find a job soon... the competition is tough and the last time I was job hunting almost two years ago, it took me almost 4 months to land a job. RIGHT NOW, I make enough to support my half of the rent. But like I said, unemployment goes so far... and I know exactly what happens when/if I don't land that job in time. He does not make enough money to support the rent on his own...
I've tried telling him that I cannot afford the rent and multiple times I've tried telling him that him and I are just... not ready. But it kind've goes in one ear and out the other... and when he does listen to my valid words, he simply just reminds me how he will have to go to T.O. and will probably never see me again simply because it's just so far. It is not that he is too careless to listen to my words either. He is stressed about this whole situation and he is kind of on Cloud 10 right now. He isn't really thinking clearly because of all the stresses of his mom, work, school situations, now this living situation and so on.... so.... I really don't know what to do here.
What I should do??
Should I bite the bullet and let him go to Thousand Oaks, or should I bite the bullet and take a risk with moving in with him, knowing I won't always have the money there? I guess any way you look at it it is taking a risk, so either way I am kinda screwed.... I guess I just need advice, comments, diff points of views on what I should do!
I am open ears, if you have any words of advice, wisdom, comments, thoughts, bits of info to share... by all means, contribute. I am so confused and don't know what I should do.
