I am desrtroyed.

My ex, whom I thought we were close to reconciling, dropped a "My BF wants to meet you" on me tonight. I threw up. I am crying like a silly child. I freaked out, she then said that she has F'd up my life, hers and the kids, then said she screwed all our lives up...I asked if I could call her but she said hearing my voice professing my ferelings for her would kill her. said please tell me you love me. She said she did. Then told me she was a selfish bad person and that she cant beleive the damage she has done to everyone. Then told me her selfishess has hurt everyone.

I asked why we cant be together if we truly love each other? No response.

I have been crying for HOURS. This was a major setback. I will never do as good as her, I will never be as happy as I was with her.

I am close to throwing up.

Wow, i know exactly how you feel. Its a terrable feeling to want to be with a person that is not on the same page.
This may not be the right time to say but, i think you deserve much better. Everyone deserves to be happy with someone that loves them. This woman is the one at a loss.
Throw up, it may make you feel a little better. Then have a shower and go out and treat yourself to something, or someone. Lol. Sorry trying to make u smile, hope i was of help

That sounds awful. But hey man, she sounds INCREDIBLY selfish doing this, toying with you like that and being like that as a mother of 2 kids...

Be nice to yourself, take care of yourself. And realize that you deserve a lot, and I mean, A LOT better than this.

Call a friend or family member to pour your heart out and do something that you totally love to get your mind off of things. And I'd strongly advise you to keep NC. Let the guilt eat your ex, boy, she deserves it. Good luck man. Take care.

Last I heard you were never going to contact her again and that the only contact you would have was if it concerned your son.

Have you two ever discussed getting professional therapy? Why do you let her wheel you in only to spit you out again? Start your healing by reading the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatie you are sorefully afflicted. Once you realize what keeps you stagnated in this unhealthy pull in / push away dynamic with your screwed up ex, you'll be able to overcome and get yourself emotionally unaddicted to her.

I truly feel sorry for your child(ren) more than anyone.

Get the book and call your local mental health hotline for a referral to speak to psychologist. Your son deserves a parent who is happy and well adjusted.

sorry to hear your story dude, hang on tight there for the sake of your child its painful and i truly understand on how you feel. At this point you must strengthen your mind and heart to bare with all the pain and the sadness if you wont it will eat you up alive, believe me dude some people will survive this and some wont, like me i have gone through hell to reach this sane stage right now..cheers..