Am I overanalyzing? Is this relationship going well?
Ok, here's my situation. I met my girlfriend at college. She's beautiful (to the point where she attracts a lot of guys), very independent, and 20 years old. When I met her, she seemed to take an immediate interest in me and began asking me out on dates right away (she actually took the initiative in the beginning...I was pleasantly surprised!). Now, she's the type of girl that has a lot of male friends (more than 70% male), so I was surprised to find that she was actually romantically interested and not just as a friend.
We started dating and I actually took her virginity after about 4 or 5 months. We've been in a relationship for about 10 months now. This relationship is moving considerably slower than any relationship I've ever been in, but she's a classy girl who is taking things very slowly. She tells me that all of her previous relationships generally only lasted a month and have mostly been little flings here and there. This is the longest relationship she's been in by far. I would say that I've fallen in love with her by this point, but I'm not so sure she feels the same way. However, this is definitely NOT a reason to just cut the relationship....like I said, this is his her longest and most serious relationship by far. She's not the type that just quickly falls in love with a guy (she's told me she's NEVER been in love). So I understand that it will take her a lot longer than it takes me to feel such strong feelings. However, we're super compatible when it comes to sense of humor/general personality. There's a part of me that feels like we could have a fantastic marriage if we got married (though this is definitely not a plan...we're too young).
Here's where the problem comes in. When I'm with her, I never doubt that she cares about me. She's always touching me or kissing me or holding my hand and being very loving. However, when I'm away from her, I almost never hear from her. I rarely get any texts or calls. Now, I know for a fact she just doesn't like using her phone very much. Pretty much every time I glance at her phone I notice that she has 3 or so text messages she hasn't read (or missed phone calls). This was ok when we were together during the school year since I saw her so often anyways.
However, over summer, this problem is really amplified since she's in another state. She's involved in this job that basically consumes her for 12-14 hours a day and she hardly gets any sleep. And I pretty much never hear from her. I would say maybe once a week or slightly more, but she only seems to call me if I've explicitly asked her to call me.
Now, I get that she's busy as heck AND doesn't really like using her phone much. But I feel like a passionate/caring girlfriend would still make some time, or at least try to send a sweet text every day or so. On the contrary, I feel like asking her to call me is a chore for her. I've asked her to give me a call once every two days which she is starting to do, but I doubt that she actually really wants to. This hurts a lot. I've told her this hurts me a lot, and she seems to have made a half assed effort to contact me more. I guess, the thing that hurts the most is not that she's NOT contacting me, but the feeling I have that she doesn't even WANT to contact me.
I was able to go visit her in her other state this summer and it was a wonderful experience. She really acted like she had missed me and she seemed caring and loving etc. However, the second I left, it pretty much went back to no more contact.
Some other things that give me concern:
More than half her friends are guys (I mean...it was this way before we started dating but I still don't really like it)
She's explicitly told me that she's not sure she feels "in love with me" yet (though as I explained before, this is understandable and I'm pretty sure I'm the guy she's fallen the hardest for so far in life.)
I sometimes feel like she's romantically less experienced than me. After all, I took her virginity. Likewise, I often feel like I know what I want better and am ready to settle down into something more serious. I often feel that she's afraid of this commitment. However, these are just feelings.
She fears confrontation. We never really get in fights because.....she never gets in fights with anyone! However, as a boyfriend, I almost WANT to get in a fight every now and then. Again boils down to feeling like she cares about me and all that. But note that she's an exceptional case who really fears confrontation and never gets in fights with anyone.
I don't know...is this relationship actually going well? Should I let my fears of her not caring about me drift away? I have had a heck of a lot of time to overanalyze the situation this summer. I've spent a lot of time alone, sadly. I feel like the distance has changed me a lot and made me feel a lot more jealous, insecure, and lonely than I've ever felt. A big part of this is the lack of love I've been feeling from her side. However, I also feel fairly sure that if I just rough out this summer, she'll be the same loving girlfriend I knew when we're together (like the girl I saw when I visited her this summer).
Tl;dr: When I'm with her she really seems to care a lot about me and enjoy being with me. When I'm away from her I never hear from her.
