Thank you all for your feedback. The truth is, I never thought it would take me this long one day to get over a girl. First breakup experience and I can ensure that I have learned a lot. I would trade it for anything. It's just sad that I lost someone I really had a good connection with in the process. I know it was a lack of communication and bad communication skills. Nothing more, nothing less. Too much arguments, too much stress, too much keeping inside. Those are only some of the things I learned during this hard time.
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If you're a 2.5 months and still not over it, then she obviously meant a lot to you. But the truth is, SHE is over YOU, probably doesn't think about you at all any more, and probably doesn't care what you were to her. You need to get to this point, and thinking about her every day and breaking your own NC rules are completely the wrong direction.
I did love her very very much. There's no doubt about it. And she knows it. But I learned that everything is not about me. Truly, for me with or without NC it will not change much. That's what I have come to learn. And as I said before, it seems to make me understand more that it's over. There is no more "baby" and "I love you" and that, awake something in me that doesn't make me angry. But something that make me realize that there is no more chance. And that I can move on. It almost feels like I'm looking to forgive her for what she "has done to me", and I'm also looking for forgiving myself (I realized today after reading couple articles that it was forgiveness I was looking for).
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You need to start actively healing, and not just hoping it will get there. Start rehab for your heart, go have a one night stand, get out and have some fun. She isn't in your life, she doesn't care what you're doing, and thinking about her daily is just wasting time on thoughts that aren't returned.
Trust me. That's all I have been doing. Going out and have fun; done it, but get home and wake up next morning she is in my mind. One night stand, not really my thing. At least I don't want it now. I want to deal with my shit and to get out clean and fresh. No matter how long it will take. Good thing is, it does no longer affect my potential in focusing on other things. I want her to remember things of me because it will help me too. It's no longer about her, but about what make me feel good and make me wanting to move on. If she remembers me the way I want, then I'm at peace. Even if she doesn't and I have done things and think she does, I'm still at peace. So it's again about me; not her.
My goal is to working on releasing my anger, and to directing my energy on things more productive. Since I read a lot about forgiveness, I think it's what I have been looking for :) I'm feeling really happy right now. Forgiveness is for me not for her. I want to be in peace with myself. I want to have no more regrets. Ghandi said �The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.� I'm strong and I want personal peace. That's exactly what I'm intending to do.
When move on, I may not contact her anymore I forgave her and myself and I'll be at peace. But this woman change my world and there's nothing anyone can say to change that fact. Memories of her will make me happy (one day). And when I will smile when thinking of her I'll know I might really talk to her again. If will be part of my life. Physically or not.
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What helps me, when I start ruminating about the ex, is to remind myself what a catch I am, and then start imagining the lucky, amazing guy who's going to get to have me someday.
I did start to do it too. And it feels good. I KNOW, I'm a better person. And any girl who I'll date in the future will have to feel lucky. That's what I think. She will be a lucky girl because I'm mature now when it comes to relationships. I also feel like before I was going blindfolded.
I'm a better, stronger person. I just need to get through this and I will be set. I'm a more pessimist type of person. And I'm improving this to better my life. I hate when people ignore me, but you know what? It doesn't matter. "Everything happens for a reason" she used to say this all the time, and she is right.