Cant decipher his actions
Last winter, I hooked with one of my friends. We went to high school together, he is 2 years older though. So we werent great friends, we just ran into each other occasionally. I ended up leaving for school again right after this, but we kept in contact. He flirted a lot in the beginning but Im terrified of people getting close so I never did the same. I loved talking to him though, I've honestly never met anyone more compatible (I always thought this/I've always had a tiny crush on him). We started talking less and less only because its difficult talking online and I kept doubting that he actually liked me.
Finally, I came home for spring break and he couldnt have made it more obvious when he asked me to hang out. But my insecurity blinded me and I was nervous and awkward and distant. I left and knew right then I had missed my chance. I tried to remedy it but it was never quite the same. I came home for good for summer and I've seen him a few times and we talked a few times and I made my best effort to right what was wrong. The problem is that nothing really went wrong.. nothing just really went right. It just sort of fizzled out and neither of us did anything to stop it. I think I may have crushed him, I didnt see the signs that he liked me until after the fact. We're on a pretty good note now after I acknowledged we hadnt talked in a while and he apologized as did I.
I finally started to get over him but then he dropped this bombshell on me. Okay so I had told him I was driving back to school (cross country) with my friend, something he has always wanted to do. A few days ago, my friend told me it was off because things were too hectic, which was fine. But the day after this, he boldly asked if he could come along. He even apologized saying he knew it was intrusive but he'd been telling me all winter how much he needed to get out of this town. He doesnt have a job now, he only makes a few bucks playing shows. He sounds like a deadbeat but money just doesnt really interest him. I cant imagine what was going through his head. It would mean he would have to live on my couch for a while. He doesnt know anyone out there.. I wanted to talk to him about it and I thought maybe I could drive my car or if he really wanted, to find a cheap one-way flight. I texted him that we couldnt use my sisters car (another option) and he just said "nooo, that sucks." Nothing more. Im doubting if he was even serious. And if so, is he just using me to get out of here? I dont know how to bring this up or what should I say or if I should just let it be or what? He hasnt contacted me otherwise but I feel like thats somewhat wrong of him to ask me something like that and then not keep in contact again? Am I overthinking this? Im so utterly confused and I dont want to be clingy or annoying. The problem is that he is one of the best people I've ever met and I dont want him to not be a part of my life, even if its just friends.
