Crush Help

Alright, here goes - fairly long story but probably nothing that you guys haven't seen a billion times before...

Anyway, here are the details:

I'm in my early 20's and do voluntary work at a youth center and have been doing so for a few months now. Well I kinda had a massive crush on this one girl who also volunteers there - I was friends with her and would banter a lot with and her and a few months ago, I swear she was coming on to me (unfortunately, I was completely oblivious...and wasn't aware of my own feelings at the time...)

Well, 2 weeks ago I found out she was going on a date and I got crazy jealous, like I've never been before. That was really the point where I realized how I felt about her and decided I had to do something. Even though I am in my 20's I'd never asked a girl out on a date before - mainly due to personal issues (the only reason I ended up volunteering at that place is because I had counseling there.) Anyway, my crush went away for a week before I could say or do anything and when she got back I didn't really know whether it was appropriate to act on my feelings given that she was dating somebody else. I ended up dropping a hint to her best friend - a mutual friend - who then went absolutely crazy with excitement - literally shrieking and jumping about (yeah, she can be pretty odd sometimes...:-D) she said she was so excited that "somebody nice" was finally going to ask out her friend and then I told her I wasn't going to act on it as long as my crush was seeing somebody else. Her friend though was adamant that I ask her out immediately, she kept saying that my chances were good and that the guy she was seeing was a bit of a weirdo. Well...her excitement kinda got my hopes up (I figured she perhaps knew something I didn't) and against my best judgement I agreed to ask her out that night.

So when I was leaving, I asked her if she'd want to go to the cinema some time with me....the response? She laughed and shut the door in my face...Ok, so there's more to it than that. I'm known for my devilish sense of humor and apparently she thought I was joking. As I made my way home, her best friend apparently asked her what had happened and ended up explaining that I was being serious.

So then I got a couple of texts off her:

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Crush: "She just told me...I feel like a dick :/"
- "Sorry, I honestly thought you were joking..."
- "Were you being serious?"

Me: "Yeah, don't let [Her friend] guilt trip you though..."

Crush: "No she isn't, I feel horrible! I just laughed and shut the door! I am seeing someone at the moment...We can go to the Cinema but only as friends if you want?"

Me: "Its ok, don't feel bad lol. Its kinda funny." (Yeah, I chose to ignore the offer - didn't mention it. I don't want to be 'friended' - in the off chance that I'm not already.)

Crush: "How is it funny?"

Me: "It just is. Don't feel bad!" (I never explained but...it was funny because...well...first time I ask somebody out and I get one of the worst possible responses you can get...lol)

Crush: "Well I do, how long have you...y'know. Haha"

Me: "Can I phone you in a bit? I don't want you to feel bad about this." (Chose to ignore her question, honestly didn't want to answer.)

Crush: "If you want! I don't feel bad, just feel like a dick haha"

Me: "Being a Dick isn't exactly a bad thing, in fact its my favourite hobby..."

Crush: "God you make me laugh! A lot!" (Sympathy...I guess.)

Me: "Shht"

Crush: "Haha, you do!"

The rest is kinda irrelevant, she said she'd text when I could phone her but never did...
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Anyway, so yeah. As you can guess I'm incredibly dissapointed and well...'crushed'...our conversations have been short and awkward since then and I'm not sure if I should just act like nothing happened and pretend I'm not bothered or well...give up the volunteering in order to keep my distance. Last thing I want is to make her feel uncomfortable...oh and to see her with another guy. Her best friend apologized and said I should wait it out...but I'm not sure if I should. My brain is telling me to just move on, that'll it'll never happen - or if it does it'll just be some sort of rebound. I don't want to be the 'reserve' or the shoulder, so yes I kinda want to move on. However, my heart is telling me all that crap about "if its meant to happen, it'll happen" and that something will eventually. But I think the unfortunate reality is, she's not interested in me in 'that' way. Advice?

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Oh and there's a little bit more to the story, I guess. But the post seems long enough as is. Sorry for the wall of text.

i think you answered your own question, but you tried and thats what will help you in other situations like this. Just dont let 1 failed attempent make you feel so bad...you made her laugh and ive found women like that in a guy.

Her friend can probably get to the bottom of what's going on for you. If she's really that interested in you, or if she was at one point, or if she's really into the guy she's dating.

Thanks for the replies!

Quote:

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Her friend can probably get to the bottom of what's going on for you. If she's really that interested in you, or if she was at one point, or if she's really into the guy she's dating.

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Yeah, I've asked her friend to try and find out if she was ever actually interested or not. Meanwhile her friend recommends waiting until she's finished seeing this other guy as apparently my crush is 'seeing him, but not really seeing him' (At least, that's what she told her friend. Realistically, I don't think that says a lot for any potential interest in me.)

Assuming there never was any attraction, what's the best way to get over somebody you basically work with?

First of all, I think it was very brave of you to ask her out, well done. She obviously is very sympathetic about you, considering how she responded (the second time that is :) )
Secondly, I think it is a very good thing that she is giving her current date-guy a chance. That means she is trustworthy and she will not just jump into a relationship.
Thirdly, if you have definitely sensed before that she came on to you, chances are very high that that was indeed the case and that she is at least attracted to you.
Forth, you've let her know your true feelings. From her texts I can tell she is playing with the idea of you and her and the least you have done is put yourself on her mind.
So your mutual friend is right: give it time. Since she doesn't seem like the type of girl who rushes into something, she might come around again one day, coming on to you once again. You've definitely got the ball rolling and all you can do now, is hoping it roll your way. Untill then, she has been very honest with you and I think it's best you get along with her as she proposed: in a friendly way.. or just as you did before. Don't let things get too awkward or you'll end up driving her away. Try to bite through the sour apple and get things as they were before. If she's ready, she'll drop the hint.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Hollowfox [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

First of all, I think it was very brave of you to ask her out, well done. She obviously is very sympathetic about you, considering how she responded (the second time that is :) )
Secondly, I think it is a very good thing that she is giving her current date-guy a chance. That means she is trustworthy and she will not just jump into a relationship.
Thirdly, if you have definitely sensed before that she came on to you, chances are very high that that was indeed the case and that she is at least attracted to you.
Forth, you've let her know your true feelings. From her texts I can tell she is playing with the idea of you and her and the least you have done is put yourself on her mind.
So your mutual friend is right: give it time. Since she doesn't seem like the type of girl who rushes into something, she might come around again one day, coming on to you once again. You've definitely got the ball rolling and all you can do now, is hoping it roll your way. Untill then, she has been very honest with you and I think it's best you get along with her as she proposed: in a friendly way.. or just as you did before. Don't let things get too awkward or you'll end up driving her away. Try to bite through the sour apple and get things as they were before. If she's ready, she'll drop the hint.

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Do you think I should take up her offer of going out as 'friends' then? Or just continue as is?

I would leave things as they were before you aksed her out. I wouldn't go out with her now "as friends" as you are right that you will be pushed in that friend-box then. If you keep a friendly distance, as it were before, she'll have to come out of her shell when she wants something more serious with you. If you tighten the friend-relationship more than before, she'll be too comfortable figuring things out and leaving you in the dark for much longer than needed, plus she could lose interest. I wouldn't go there. Just hang out as you did before the asking-out-event and wait it out. She's been interested before, so if the relationship with this new guy bleeds to death, she'll probably be back..

Here are my thoughts:
It sounds like she might be interested. I thought it was interesting that she wanted to know how long you had a crush on her. Also, the fact she offered to go out as friends says that would at least enjoy your company. But you were wise to not go that route. You could have ended up as friends and still have a crush on her but she would still be dating her guy. You could end up being the guy in the wings in case it fails.

Again, i said mightbe interested. I could be wrong. I think you need to get back before where it's comfortable between you two. Relax, and don't take the rejection personally. I think it's much better that she said no rather than yes when she is dating someone. It shows she has integrity. The timing just wasn't right.

Now, if you wait and see until they break up, it might drive you a little crazy. I think you need to ease up, stop giving up on ideas to try something. If they do break up and she really wants to date you, I think she would drop a hint to give you the opportunity to ask her out. Or I should say I hope, perhaps she wouldn't. You never know.

Thanks for the help guys, its very much appreciated.

I guess I'll try and steer things back to the way it was before by joking around with her and such and just wait to see what happens. Maybe I'll end up getting over her through doing so, I don't know. I just hope it doesn't turn into a really awkward situation as I'm not the most emotionally intelligent guy around and I'm worried about pushing things too far. I am told she is ok with the whole situation though, so maybe the awkwardness is just in my head.

Thanks once again.

[Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Just carry on the way you are, bro. Don't be too pushy or she may want to stop seeing you even as friends.
But, regardless of my crap advice....good luck, kind sir!