A Love Lost - What do I do?
Hi Guys,
I am having a real dilema at the moment.
I am in a relationship and have been for two years but things have gone slightly sour lately. Part of the reason for this or so I think is the fact that I feel as though I am desperatley in love with somebody else, someone I haven't seen in a year or more.
What makes this situation even worse is that I haven't spoken to this guy since November since we had a big falling out.
Abit of background information for you:
I met him at University, I was in a relationship with his best friend at the time and thats partly how we met. I also knew his girlfriend quite well. We instantly had a connection and began a friendship of our own. We had so much in common it was scary, things I would never think anybody else would do or like, he had all of these things. Like my soul mate.
I broke up with my boyfriend of the time (his best mate) and instead of sticking with his mate he began speaking to me everyday and making sure I was ok by inviting me out with him and his girlfriend. He would speak to me every night and everyday and we began an intense friendship. He was the only person there for me at that difficult time and we became closer and closer. Eventually he found out that his girlfriend was cheating on him and that she was taking him for a fool. So then we were both broken hearted and decided to go out together every week on a Friday evening. I then realised I wasn't broken hearted anymore and that in fact I was falling in love with him. We became best friends and addressed each other as so. It was so intense and I felt so close to him, I felt so happy and never wanted it to end. I had an awful and debilitating depression and anxiety and he saved me from ruining my life.
One night we were out together and ended up kissing, it was one of those moments of joy and happiness that isn't clear in my mind, I then realised I loved him and that was it, I have not had that feeling since or before that moment even. It was almost like a tangible connection between us, I felt as though I could reach out and touch it.
Time went on and he told me the kiss wasn't a mistake and he did really like me but he was in love with his ex still even though she had cheated on him many many times and was awful to him. I begged him to think straight but he wouldn't , he was blind and I was blinded by him.
We kissed again a couple of times and the last time we were together he came and stayed at my uni digs and spent the night with me. We didn't have sex and I really really wish we had.
We lost contact for a long while after that and I ended up meeting my current boyfriend and in an attempt to push my "love" out of my mind I started a relationship with him. Two years later and I'm still with him. But I have forever carried my best friend/saviour and love of my life with me.
It has tainted everything for me. I need some help and advice as to what to do.
Now that things aren't going well with my boyfriend and I, I feel like contacting the old flame and letting him know how I feel and have always felt. In moments of madness I feel like getting a train and arriving at his home town in the hope of seeing him or catching a glimpse of him once more.
He is still best friends with my ex boyfriend so I know a relationship would never work but all I really want is to see him once, go for a drink with him, maybe even re-kindle what we had before and make love to him as I never got to do that.
I have a feeling he once felt the same as me, even after the kissing/his ex business as when I was with my boyfriend and arrived at a party that he was at with mutual friends of mine he text me and asked me to meet him outside, he then tried to kiss me and at the time I didn't want to betray my boyfriend. He also said to me: "I often wonder what it would have been like if we got together".
What a mess my life is! I need desperate help. Its driving me insane, I haven't seen him in a year and I dream of him every night practically :(
Please please help.
