have been falling for someone and we are both in a complicated situation.

We are both in a complicated situation.
His: He is in an up and coming band that are getting big.
Mine: I am in an unhappy marriage that has been breaking down for years.

I am trying to be rational about this and keeping out of his way, only meeting privately. I am ok with the fact that he is now living a 'rock and roll' lifestyle which involves groupies . I can't feel jealous because we are not together and I am obviously taken already.
My problem is that I feel for him in an almost motherly way and just want to look after him. I miss him alot, but I do not chase him. I just need some advice.

Having read the above I can only ask: advice for what exactly?

You and he are not going to exist as an item.

Your marriage is breaking down.

These are two seperate things.

Seems what you really need to focus on is:

1) whether your marriage can be saved, and if not;

2) moving forward, forgetting both your husband and this guy (unless you want to be competing with groupies)

I must be in denial, but if jerry hall, linda McCartney,Sharon Osbourns etc thought about that then they would not have ended up with these guys.
I understand that my situation is that I need to move on from my marriage.

So let me get that straight....
You're a married woman falling in " love" with a younger rock star. he travel's a lot so you're missing him "but in motherly way". and you need to know what to do about it!
hmmmmm
Quite the Conundrum!...

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Originally Posted by vampiress [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So let me get that straight....
You're a married woman falling in " love" with a younger rock star. he travel's a lot so you're missing him "but in motherly way". and you need to know what to do about it!
hmmmmm
Quite the Conundrum!...

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Uh we are both the same age. He is not young.
I have not ever felt like this about anyone, even as a lovestruck teenager. You may not have sympathy for me, but am just trying to work out whether I really am in love or just a silly crush. BTW I did not chase him, he chased me really. We were friends before hand .

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Originally Posted by Pookie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I must be in denial, but if jerry hall, linda McCartney,Sharon Osbourns etc thought about that then they would not have ended up with these guys.
I understand that my situation is that I need to move on from my marriage.

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Well, I don't know the details of your marriage, but either way, sorting that out, one way or another, needs to be your priority.

If you and your 'lover' can still make it together, that is between you two. And you're right, the above did work out, but like I said, they had to accept and compete with the groupies.

Do you expect him to take advantage of all the female attention? Would you be OK with that? I'm not sure what to make of someone who would be OK with their partner having sex with multiple strangers and still wanting to be in a relationship with them.

Are you sure you could be OK with that? There are of course risks to you too if you, and he, choose to continue having a 'relationship'.

Perhaps still being part of a 'rockstars' life makes all of those things OK, I don't know, but you know your friendship with him better than anyone else.

I guess it's obvious that you should solve your marriage situation, then move on with your life and fall in love with whomever you want.

Oh yes, my priority is my marriage. I feel I need to get away on my own to reflect and review the situation as my hubby and said guy are somewhat close friends, which makes it worse.
I am actually ok with the groupie thing cause I am old enough to realise that in that sort of life , it happens! Most of the real wives and girlfriends have nothing to do with the road life. I just so happen to be seeing what goes on. I do keep away from it now as it is frankly exhausting to be following them all the time as friends and fans.
What the ideal situation is for me is for me to be single and if the guy wants to be with me then, happy days, but if not I am free to be 'free' .

Look Linda Maccartney. you can go after Steven Tyler or work on your marriage. SImple as that

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Originally Posted by Pookie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

We are both in a complicated situation.
His: He is in an up and coming band that are getting big.
Mine: I am in an unhappy marriage that has been breaking down for years.

I am trying to be rational about this and keeping out of his way, only meeting privately. I am ok with the fact that he is now living a 'rock and roll' lifestyle which involves groupies . I can't feel jealous because we are not together and I am obviously taken already.
My problem is that I feel for him in an almost motherly way and just want to look after him. I miss him alot, but I do not chase him. I just need some advice.

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Here's mine,
>Get yourself some professional guidance to work through your codependency (living in an unhappy, one sided marriage for years)

>Learn to love yourself so that you're not an old groupie who pines for a rock star while you live in an unhappy marriage

>Stop pretending that you're being "rational" by keeping "Out of his way" when he likely doesn't even care if you're around when he has all these groupies he can choose from.

>Stop being with someone who you are "not together" with, get out of your dead end marriage, learn to be happy in your own skin by living alone and figuring out who the fk you are and after you've learned to survive independently, then join some crappy online dating site and get your groove on then. Don't fall for the players like you did with your "Rocker."

You "feel for him in a motherly way?" A guy that is the same age as you? Is that kinda like incest then? What do you mean by that? Is there no sex involved with this guy? Wow
Yes, personal therapy to help you figure yourself out and to help you to realiize the tools you're going to need to cleanse this dude from your system.

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What the ideal situation is for me is for me to be single and if the guy wants to be with me then, happy days, but if not I am free to be 'free' .

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personal therapy first or the single guys out there will eat you alive. You may be older but you sound so terrible naive.

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but am just trying to work out whether I really am in love or just a silly crush.

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I think whats more important is if he loves you or is he just enjoying your "devotion" and using you to make him grilled cheese sandwiches, mom?

Wow.
First We are both in our 40s. We have known each other for a while as friends. I do not look at him like a devoted fan. He has lots of attention from young girls. Am sure he ends up with some. I have seen how aggressive they are in pursuing the band.
I 'keep away' from that because it has started to become obvious that something is going on between us.It is not a good idea to hang around them as a band. I spend most of my time with him alone. I do think of my marriage and it is not something to take on lightly. I have been married for around 20 years with a daughter!! I want to make sure I am in a good position financially to live on my own as a single parent before I leave my husband. The affair is not an excuse to leave as that is not the right way to do things. It never ends up happy.
It does seem as though I am going to be the baddy here no matter what I do.

Sorry hun, but yes you will be the baddy what ever you do.

What is it that makes your marriage so terrible? Surely you loved your husband once...

Are you sure you aren't attracted to his success?

This situation is only complicated because you're trying to multi-task two major things at once. Focus on your marriage first. Either end the marriage or save it, but deal with that first before getting into a mess with the musician. That way, you can make clear-headed decisions involving the marriage and supporting yourself if you leave. As for the musician, what kind of musician is "up and coming" in his mid forties? That sounds like delusional b-s to me. At any rate, the industry has changed a lot in the last ten years, so that pretty much the only way he is likely to make any money at all is by constant touring. Can you seriously deal with that? Living on the road with him all the time? Or waiting months for him to return, never knowing who he is sleeping with while he's away? Can you do that for the next ten years? Longer? What's his backup plan if his group fades in popularity?

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Originally Posted by Pookie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I must be in denial, but if jerry hall, linda McCartney,Sharon Osbourns etc thought about that then they would not have ended up with these guys.
I understand that my situation is that I need to move on from my marriage.

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Jerry hall is divorced, Linda is dead and Sharon is...well....married to Ozzy Osbourne. I dont think those are good examples to support your case :)