There is a tremendous amount of advice on this forum; so much indeed I tend to spend a good part of my (working) day reading posts and feeling simpatico with everyone. But my one piece of advice to anyone who is reading, if you are using, ie alcohol, drugs, prescriptions, I dont care, if you are using any mood altering substance: STOP. It is hindering your recovery and you ability to see clearly. I am not preaching. I have been a functioning alcoholic for over 20 years now. I have done AA, I have done books, I have done everything but I just didnt want to quit. Because it allowed me to feel sorry for myself that I got dumped. It allowed me to fall asleep instead of tossing and turning. It gave me bravado, anger, a way out...you know what I am talking about.
I have been clean for a few weeks now, did it on my own because I wanted a change, physically and emotionally. And the world has lit up like a Christmas tree. I dont email my ex anymore. I dont feel anxiety where she is concerned. I lost 10lbs in one week. In fact, I feel sorry for her and then I ask myself what if I REALLY did reconcile with her? Would I feel as good as I do about myself now? Would she just drag me down in to her despaired situation? Would I be happy with ME if I went back? No, no and NO! Yes, we share a child. So we have to see each other. And when I see her two things happen in me: I immediately feel bad for her and I immediately thank my lucky stars I am not with her. Ask me that 3 weeks ago and I would RAN back to her. My judgement was clouded. It happens.
Again, this is just my advice. Since I have gone clean and intend to stay clean, working out at the gym, running 3 or 4 miles on the track daily, I have NEVER felt so good about myself and where I am in my life and it SCARES me to death to realize how close I was to actually getting back in her twisted world. Seriously.
DH - Melatonin is fantastic. Thank you.
Wakeup - I am reading Lehane's "Given Day". Just started but he is a good writer so far.
I was never a patient guy. At all. And a little demanding of others. I see now that all things, all GOOD things will come to those that have patience and will wait. If you reach too hard for that brass ring, it always slips out of your hands. Someone will come into your life, sooner or later, that will make you forget about everyone else permanently. It just takes patience and the acceptance that it WILL happen.
I know alot of you will read this and call BS on it, but, really, its working for me, why wouldnt it work for you? Drugs and alcohol werent letting me move on. They chained me to my past and the bottle. I finally feel free to live my life. Its exhilarating.
Again, sorry to sound preachy.
Todd
